9/17/16

6:35 pm

Tavistock & Media Deception ( Surfing the Apocalypse) – World Beyond Belief 199

6:24 pm

On the Process of Awakening

What interests me is how the epidemic of pain and alienation that characterizes our society is the direct result of how our economy and social order is structured. Incoherence, self-destruction, pain and alienation are the only possible outputs of the system we inhabit.

See more at:   http://investmentwatchblog.com/on-the-process-of-awakening/

Clinton Foundation “Largest unprosecuted charity fraud ever attempted” Cumulative May Exceed $100 BILLION

 
 

How To Receive My Anointing For Your Life Everyday

“Don’t allow fear and scrutiny to get in the way.  Just write what I am saying to you.”
“When you’re done typing, go back and read what you wrote, and use the rules of discernment you’ve learned on this channel.

4:09 pm

I picked 1 four-leaf clover.

2:58 pm

I shaved my legs and clipped my fingernails.  I probably won’t be allowed to handle blades of any kind.  Or metal flatware or ceramic coffee mugs.  I’m trying to be happy about going, and sometimes I actually am.  It’s not like God has forgotten all the prep work he did on my story.  It’s not like He’s gonna not use it; it’s not like His words to me are any less predictive programming.  “Lord, I pray for Your Words to come to pass concerning me.  Please may I see a million people converted to You?”
This is entirely about my faith and nobody seems to think I have a right to believe as I do.  I don’t get it.  How can my sons be so obtuse?  I had an obtuse spirit; that surprised me because I’ve called George obtuse.  That SHOULDN’T HAVE SURPRISED ME, because I’ve called others of God’s children obtuse.  I CANNOT CURSE PEOPLE.  I do not wish to open a doorway for demons to come back into me.
There’s a kind of horror that keeps grabbing at me, when I think of going so far for so long.  I bound it this morning and I think pretty soon it’ll quit trying to make me panic about going to Colorado.  I WANT TO BE only WHERE GOD WANTS ME TO BE.  If that be Colorado, then OK.  It doesn’t feel that way yet.

2:51 pm

I picked 5 four-leaf clovers.

2:12 pm

It’s not like God is going to stop transforming me if I’m not right here.

2:11 pm

END TIMES Come Lord Jesus Prophetic Conference w/ Neville Johnson and Bruce Allen
SYDNEY AUSTRALIA
SEPT 2016 DAY 1
“If you don’t have any persecution at all, you must be going the same direction as the father of darkness.”  (Bruce Allen)
“Brother, don’t you read your Bible?  Jesus came not to bring peace but a sword!  LOVE TELLS THE TRUTH;  it doesn’t coddle an error or a lie.”
I really think those skinny-leg  pants look foolish on a guy. Especially with a jacket.  
The worst part of loneliness is not having somebody to tell your best secrets.  You can’t tell just anybody about your best stuff because the responsibility of hearing it is way too big for most people.  It is VERY FRUSTRATING for a disciple of Jesus to be unable to impart an understanding of the supernatural peace and provision He brings.  I wanted to share myself once, with an atheist but there wasn’t any way possible.  He COULD NOT bring himself to believe even enough to listen to words.  Total brick-wall to spiritual things, and that was all my very best stuff.  It’s always that way though.  People seem to like your stuff until your stuff messes with their chosen beliefs and bigotry.  I always gave Isaac my best stuff, and Josh too, until he lost respect for me when we were targeted.  
A Bible teacher told of moving from a satisfactory mission location to a different continent and before he left, God asked whether he were willing to ‘give his best’ for the new field and for the people.  Of course he said yes, and it wasn’t until some years later when the coldness of his heart and the separation he felt from Jesus demonstrated that he had truly given ‘his best’.  He had assumed Jesus wanted his best efforts, best teaching, all of that.  But, He wanted his VERY BEST.  This man’s VERY BEST THING was the time he spent alone with Jesus and it’s the same for me.  Whenever will we be changed into His likeness and live in His presence forever? It is terrible to wait more.  
Here’s another big requirement for happiness:  NO OPINIONS.  Dead people don’t have any opinions and if I don’t have any opinions then I’m more likely to do things according to JESUS’ opinion.  You can’t tick me off if I’m not expecting anything in particular.  Happy is a whole lot easier if you don’t get ticked off.  The nurses at the psych ward talked to me about not getting ticked off.  They thought I was unusual because I did not.  Now that I’m happy, I can only imagine it will become more natural for me, to not get ticked, off.
 
 
 
 
 

1:47 pm

I picked 3 four-leaf clovers.

12:50 pm

I picked 1 four-leaf clover.

I prayed with Neville Johnson who was preaching in Sydney and talked about the coming harvest.  He’s really excited about what’s to come.  I asked for a crown of wisdom.

 

11:54 am

I picked 1 four-leaf clover.

11:22 am

JESUS SAYS… Have unconditional Trust in Me!

“From My point of view, I can tell you, you are all cowards.  So get over it and be real with one another.”
“It is when you don’t rely on MY WISDOM that you fail.”
“I can see what your senses, your wisdom, are raging at you; let’s not leave out the enemy, he is doing his thing.  You are in a battle Clare, and your only hope is to totally abandon yourself to me, in complete trust.”
“You are reasoning this again in your pride and intellect.  They are a very strong force Clare, and very much opposed to the simplicity of a little child who trusts her daddy unequivocally.”
“I have offered you my peace, so put aside all your reasonings, and cleave to me with all your heart.  Abandon the purse of your own opinion.”
=
Alarming at the Highest Level! People Are Being Herded Into DeRadicalization Centers in Europe! (Sobering Video) X22Report!
 
“Imagine what will happen if this system does collapse, which is what many in the ‘truth-movement’ are calling for.”
“We have got to put away the things of this world and the patterns of this world and turn to God and rely on Him, and His Word, and His Truth which is found in the Bible.  And rely on the sound foundation which is JESUS.”
 
“They have GOT TO GET RID OF INDIVIDUALS WHO ARE A THREAT to ‘society’.”
 
II Timothy 4:4
“They will turn away their ears from hearing truth,  and shall be turned unto fables.”
“The power, majesty and eternal presence of the almighty God is a wonder beyond words and which should be sought with all determination more than everything else put together. It is reasonable to expect that you will finally get there. If one does not quit then one cannot fail.”
(Les Visible)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

11:17 am

I picked 1 four-leaf clover.

I’m trying to organize myself to leave but I can’t really focus and I feel like something is dying inside of me.  The rejection and condemnation is more than I can bear and I think it might be the end of me.

 

 I hope so.  I hope my PRIDE IS COMPLETELY DYING and that I LOVE MY SONS ENOUGH to walk to the gallows if need be, in order to secure their DESTINY AND ETERNAL DESTINATION.

I DON’T LOVE THEM ENOUGH TO LAY DOWN MY LIFE ENTIRELY FOR THEM OR ELSE THIS WOULD NOT HURT SO BAD.


“Jesus.  Please fix me more.  Amen.”

8:28 am

I meant to stop posting.

I really did try, but I’m being taken to the funny farm tomorrow and writing is the only thing keeping me from dissociating entirely.  I’m praying a lot.  I can’t believe people think it is OK TO FORCE YOUR WILL ON OTHER PEOPLE.

I have to give it all up

9/17/16
5:17 am
“I don’t want to go.  I don’t want to be hated anymore.  I don’t want to be forced to listen to worldly philosophies.  I don’t want to go to Colorado.  I want to be with CHRISTIANS WHO PRAY AND DON’T LIE ABOUT OTHERS or MANIPULATE THEM.”
“I don’t want any of this, Lord.  I don’t want to look at Isaac’s wild eyes anymore.  I don’t want to walk by the couches where my sons spend their days playing games and watching me.  I don’t want them criticizing me for the small things that bring me joy, like picking clovers.  I don’t like that they believe I do not deserve any joy.  I do not like being continually condemned by them and I do not like that they choose lies,
and I really do not like what my FATHER DID TO MY FAMILY.  I do not like that nobody is interested in my kindly-intentioned letters to him, early-in-my ostracism, before-I-knew-of-it, or the fact that he would not provide me shelter, when I tried to fix this family, back when I was selling marijuana day and night  for George, and also I was being tortured, and Josh was abandoned and Isaac became a drug-user.  I REALLY DISLIKE THAT THEY THINK GRANDPA CARES FOR THEM.” 
“I have to LOSE MY LIFE to ever get it back.  But, to look at it like that is clinging in itself!  I WANT JOY AND HAPPINESS AND LOVE FROM OTHER HUMANS.  I want a friend who knows my TRUTH and wishes me well.  I want SOMEBODY who does not condemn the things I value most, and does not condemn me.  Jesus went to the cross alone and I’ve been alone for so many years.” –
“Lord, please give me grace to submit to my sons and not to judge Isaac for manipulating us.  Have Your way with me and with them. I gave them to You when they were babies and I sang ‘Victory in Jesus’ over their cribs.  I give them to You again.  Do not allow me to maintain any false responsibility for them and do not allow me to retain any condemning vibes from them.  Forgive them for falsely judging me.  Forgive them for rejecting you, and forgive George for not caring that they have done so.”
“What does George think?  Does he think that faith in You doesn’t matter anymore?  Does he think they can avoid eternal suffering without you?  WAKE HIM UP!  What kind of father has he become?  How can he be one who does not care about his sons’ immortal souls and instead SHOPS for JUNK  and DOES EXERCISES ALL THE TIME?  He used to LOVE YOU, I thought.  Now he doesn’t love anybody, because he chose to believe I WAS A LIAR.  THEN HE BELIEVED I WAS CRAZY.”
“Now, he believes he deserves my life, my house, my sons and my original family.  He believes I do not deserve even a safe corner to catch my breath from Isaac chasing me.  He knows I’m going away with a temporary crown on my tooth and an outstanding notice from the court regarding a fifteen year-old debt of only TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS.  How did I become entirely unworthy of human care or assistance?”
“I have SO MUCH RESENTMENT!  I am so lonely, and I am tired of trying to do right in the face of utter rejection.  Please, take it from me.  Bring me LOWER AND SLOWER so I do not see the things that offend my flesh.  Allow me to see these men as your unruly children.  May I see them through YOUR EYES and love them as You do.  May I be cut off from my personal feelings for and about them?  I wish to see them as you do, and I wish to see myself that way.  Forgive me first though, please?  I’m SO SORRY I LET THESE SLIGHTS BOTHER ME.”
” George told you he’d give me up when you asked, that same time he told You he’d give You his life. Although he did not do those things, he is not my husband and has no obligation to help me.  I just thought he would.  Don’t let me think.  Don’t let me feel.  I am dead to this life and risen in new life with You.  Allow me to act that way.  Please, send us MUCH MORE TRUTH.  Amen.”
“I choose FORGIVENESS AND LOVE but I can’t seem to get all the way there without more TRUTH!  PLEASE POUR OUT TRUTH ON MY FAMILY AND LUCE COUNTY AND MICHIGAN!  REVEAL IT ALL!  AMEN!”
“Ah dear.  All in the life of a gang stalking target.  Even treating other people normally can be used as a weapon against you.”

Persecution ? Are You Persecuted For Christ In Your Life?

“The reason why there is not much persecution here isn’t due to the fact that you can believe whatever you want.  The reason is because people are not choosing to live righteously.  See, it doesn’t matter where you live, the devil can still persecute you, and he has people who are sided with him.”
“You will suffer persecution if you preach righteousness and live righteously for Jesus.”
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
And labour, working with our own hands: being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we suffer it:
“If you are not being persecuted for your Christian faith, as a Christian who is living righteously,  then yours may not be the Kingdom of Heaven, you may not be a child of the Kingdom of Heaven.”
– 

Narcissistic Elders Become Defiant and Stubborn When They’ve Been Proven Wrong

DISENGAGE FROM THE NARCISSIST SUPPLY-CHAIN AND START CHANGING THE WORLD!
—-
Narcissists’ Ultimate Fail: Codependency
“Have you ever considered that narcissists are nothing without ‘supply’?  I mean,  without our positive energy they withdraw and disintegrate.”
“This video is about removing myself from the narcissist’s supply chain, which leads to the ultimate narcissist’s fail.”
“Narcissists will fail and they know it.  For instance, a narcissist will do whatever is necessary to avoid being exposed for who they are, and the consequences of what they do.  When exposed, the narcissists become angry, or hostile, if their gaslight or manipulations are challenged.”
_
THE MORE PEOPLE GET OUT OF THE SUPPLY CHAIN THE FASTER THE NARCISSIST DISINTEGRATES.
“AT THIS POINT THEY START CRAWLING BACK TO HELL.”
“All it takes is a person to awaken, to question, to be bold, to live a different, and positive life.
Overcoming Fear
from Manipulations and Abuse
“Fear limits victims’ ability to understand what’s happening, in order to break free from manipulation and abuse.”
“Abuse trauma creates a complete loss of self-identity.”
THE APOLOGY: Narcissistic Projection vs Self-knowledge
“Whenever someone starts a conversation off …TELLING YOU who you ARE…WOW.  Major problem.  This is EXTREMELY TOXIC BEHAVIOR.”
(That applies to EVERY MAN IN MY LIFE and a couple women too.)
“I have done this […] and I felt sick to my stomach.”
CERN & A Short Course In Demon Management World Beyond Belief
“I’M JUST WORRIED NOW WE TOOK THE JOKE TOO FAR.”
You WON’T BELIEVE Illuminati Plan for 2016 (R$E)
JEZEBEL SPIRIT:  COVERT MANIPULATION
Idealize and discard.
Psychopathic and black magic and witchcraft.
Nanny state/Police state.
Same tactics for individuals and society at large.
—-
“Emotional abuse can be simplified onto a very personal and local level.  And it is exactly the same traits, that if this happens in a child’s life, then the chances are when they grow up, that child is going to defend those boundaries that were JUST TRASHED as they were DEHUMANIZED and THREATENED and INTRUDED ON.”
“So then, another form of emotional abuse; again, with this UNDERMINING and CREATING INSECURITY, depersonifying, dehumanising…
It’s a term called INFANTILIZATION.”
“And you can see here how it’s talking about there’s an overlap between the terms ‘infantilization’ and ‘patronization’.”

BOMBSHELL: Haitian Senate President EXPOSES #ClintonFoundation at #Trump event: “Hillary tried to bribe me!” He saved all documented proof

“The CLINTON INVASION OF HAITI”

Former Haitian President of Senate is speaking out to tell the truth about Clinton Foundation at a Trump event! The former president said that Clinton was trying to buy him. She tried to appeal to him (bribe him).

She defrauded the people of Haiti. He spent 4 hours with Bill Richardson to tell Bill Clinton not to invade Haiti. A week later the embassy called him and told him that Bill Clinton has a messenger for him. He came and told him to sign with Bill Clinton, join his movement and Clinton will make him the richest man in Haiti. He told him he is a principled man and he will not sell out. He just challenged Trump to ask Hillary Clinton to publish the audit of all the money they have stolen from Haiti in 2010. He is explaining it very detailed.

 

“Unless you have seen the other realm, then it won’t make any sense to you.”

Divorced for four years and he won’t leave the land my GREAT-GRANDPA settled in the eighteen-hundreds!  They say I’m the one with a problem.
I did a resume and applied for jobs after the campaigns.  I didn’t start losing confidence until I WAS UNDER SURVEILLANCE AND MY DAD STARTED TELLING PEOPLE I WAS CRAZY.  It is a chicken-egg thing and that’s gonna be demonstrated.  I feel like I was born-again, again.  It felt like this when I got the baptism in the Holy Ghost but it was way more hyper.  I still had SO MANY DEMONS.  They’re getting pretty sparse now and I’m grateful.  BUT, my attitudes are paramount.  I REFUSE TO OPEN DOORWAYS FOR NEGATIVE ENERGY-ENTITIES by maintaining unforgiveness for anybody.  I’ve been working on myself for so long!  I remember the first time I drove to Manistique by myself after the torture abated.  I have a GREAT BIG PILE of REALLY INCREDIBLE RECORDS AND EVIDENCE.
They can only tell you you’re shit so many times before it begins to cling.
That’s what I’ve observed.
I am happy, not manic.  I rise early and I retire early and I am utterly dependable and boring.
Maybe I’m disappointing them.
I did something important, I already did it.
I’m breathing.
I get to drive cross-country with my two not-boring sons and I get to face my SECOND WORSE FEAR which has always been…horseback riding.  Long story.

5:26 pm
“Keeping the main thing the main thing.”
We are to be TRANSFORMED INTO THE LIKENESS OF JESUS.
I spoke too big, I bit off too much and I can’t bear the suspense. My eyes were bigger than my stomach.  I need some help from JESUS or I’m not going to maintain.
I can’t bear the condemnation by myself, but I know that he has begun a good work in me and as soon as He completes it, or even some aspects thereof, nobody’s going to call me diseased any longer.
They will come to me with QUESTIONS when they realize how badly we Earthlings have been duped.
Unless we permit the shaking-up of all our precious things we aren’t going to get to see GOD.
We have to let go of what we’re holding in order for God to give us something better.
That means me, too.
(We always preach to ourselves first.)
I’m taking my hands off the strap.
“Lord give me balance to stay upright as the train bumps around.  Make me like you so I can see You every day for all eternity.”
“I don’t want to DEFEND MYSELF or even AVENGE MYSELF.  I want YOU to live more fully in me.  Please help me to feel that degree of consecration, always.  Amen.”
“Give me ABSOLUTE FORGIVENESS for my sons and George and my dad.”

90-year-old Florida man arrested for second time in a week after feeding the homeless again

When 90-year-old Florida resident Arnold Abbott said following his arrest on Sunday that police couldn’t stop him from feeding the homeless, he apparently meant it.

Abbott was charged again on Wednesday night for violating a new city law in Ft. Lauderdale that essentially prevents people from feeding the homeless.

“I expected it” he said in a Sun Sentinel report. “At least this time they let us feed people first.”

I knew that eventually I’d have to fly solo.
I hope God will fill me with enough of His Spirit to see me through until we meet again.
I wonder if this is a new test and if I am supposed to take dictation without a computer.
I guess I’ll find out at the funny farm.
If I hand-write full essays without any corrections I’ll probably have to scan them and put them online when I’m free again.
I guess that would be still free.
I follow the peace, I escape bad vibes, and I attest this to be the way of happiness.
Once a person has hope.
You need hope first.
God gave me hope in late 2008 I think.
I’d have to look it up.
—-
“Lord, please forgive George and my sons for not allowing me to be well.  They don’t know what they’re doing, because they do not believe.”
“Embed it in my soul!  Make it a part of me!  Make me be a fully-melded carrier of your WORD!  Let me never say a thing that is not desired by You and let me not give into self-pity EVER.  MAKE MY FACE LIKE FLINT!  Do not allow me to gaze to the left or to the right but only to follow YOUR FOOTSTEPS and looking always to your BEAUTIFUL FACE.”
” Lift me above indignation into the peace of your WILL FOR ME.  ALLOW me to see how you used EVERY ATTACK OF THE ENEMY to re-create your face on me.  Thank you, Wonderful Jesus.  Let me see my life from YOUR VANTAGE ALONE. Let me never bear a grudge, and let me always be thankful and ALWAYS BELIEVE YOU.  Do not allow deception to take root in me.  Thank you. Amen.”

DNC Committee Acknowledges that They Created ISIS in New Guccifer2.0 Reveal

“Lord my heart hurts with this newest rejection.  Please make it bigger.  Amen.”
“TAKE ME UP!  TAKE ME ABOVE BELIEF TO WHERE BELIEF ISN’T NECESSARY!  Take me to the place in YOUR SPIRIT where there is nothing but YOU and my life is lived totally according to your plan for my incredible destiny!  Thank you, Lord.  Thank you that my heart is swelling up so big!”
“The Bible says my “children are for signs and wonders”!  Dear Lord, I believe your WORD IS TRUTH!  I believe my sons are become SIGNS AND WONDERS OF YOUR LOVE AND GLORY AND TRUTH!  I declare that I believe WHAT YOU SAID when you said that I would be a sign and a wonder!”
“And I thank you JESUS!  I thank you for every little bit of slander I’ve weathered and suffer.  THANK YOU FOR ALL THOSE BETRAYALS!  I offer them to you for your use and may it somehow ease what you feel as you love those who will shortly perish.  ONE MORE MINUTE of CONDEMNATION means more of your beloved EARTH PEOPLE into Heaven and out of the clutches of the archons and the father of lies.  Give me GRACE LORD to carry my cross so you will have the bride you died for.  A bride without blemish and without spot and with doves’ eyes, eyes of single-focus-love, love for only you!”
“THANK YOU JESUS for enabling me to stand for so long without other believers!  Thank you for providing a mental babysitter for me and thank you for walking me back out of induced psychosis!  Thank you that Josh and Isaac belong to you and no matter how hard they squirm you will NEVER STOP CHASING THEM because you love them that much and you love me that much too.”
I saw an accident on the top of Watson Hill.  In a vision I mean.
“I’ve tried peace, Jesus, again and again.  YOUR enemies won’t stop pushing me.  Please stand up for me and my sons.  Give them truth about what happened to us and neutralize their offense at me.  Please show them how I’ve been fighting for them this whole time.  Show them how I had to divorce their dad to do what I’ve done.  Give them respect for you, Lord, and could they love me?”
“Lord, I can’t wait to get away from this pressure my sons and George have kept against me this entire year.  Forgive them for pushing me back down over and over.  Thank you that they did.  Show them your glory in my life.”
Isaac’s drinking Jaegermeister.  A lot.  He doesn’t like my life.
Poker House By Tiny House Nation
“Thank you JESUS that every single bit of every single attack against my destiny HAS BEEN USED TO CATAPULT ME INTO IT.”

NOTHING that has been sent against you has been wasted. I am using it ALL to form you and shape you and am now leading you into the greatest crossover you have ever experienced. You are moving from the wilderness into a whole new land of promotion. I am changing the guards in the Body of Christ right now, and I am about to strategically place you, My prophets of purity, in new positions that will see a pure flow of My Spirit in intercession and the prophetic arise.”

“I am about to lead you, My purity prophets, into a realm of KNOWING and UNDERSTANDING My heart and My ways in a way you have never experienced before. I am about to lead you deeper into a season of Amos 3:7, ‘For the Lord GOD does nothing without revealing His secret to His servants the prophets.’

“I Am Orchestrating a Divine Return and a ‘Selah’ Moment”

“There is a ‘change of direction’ about to take place swiftly across the Body of Christ. I am going to bring a divine change into the Body of Christ that is going to see the manifestation of what I have been orchestrating: ‘THE DIVINE RETURN.’ The return to Me as the first love. The return to Me being your greatest love, your greatest affection and your greatest delight.
————
“This divine pause of acceleration of momentum is NOT a negative, it is the most GLORIOUS POSITIVE. It will bring to the surface things in hearts and souls that have been hindering, things that have caused any entanglements, any roots of striving or competition, any lies, oppressions or chains will bubble to the surface; as they do, the most glorious move of My Spirit will take place in hearts and lives to bring LIFE CHANGING, SIGNIFICANT FREEDOM.”
“In this divine pause of acceleration momentum, if you, My people, embrace it and do not fight against it, you will receive the greatest gift of all – ME. You will receive MORE of Me. It does not mean your breakthrough is further away, it means that I am taking you deeper than you have ever been so that when I remove the ‘PAUSE’ you will go further, higher and be carried by the winds of My Spirit faster than you have ever been with foundations and roots stronger in Me than ever. I want to show you My glory, My beauty, and love for you like you have NEVER seen it before.”

My sons say in three months I may come back here to live and they’ll be done pushing me around.

Isaac has made promises before.

In January he told me I wouldn’t have to come home from the hospital, he’d find a place I could stay.
Then he went to Costa Rica.
Then he started to help me find a place and THEN he went to Montreal.
I know he’s not LYING THIS TIME.
I’m looking forward to MAKING MY OWN DECISIONS ABOUT MY LIFE.
I actually NEVER HAVE.
CERN Breaking News: LHC Set to Discover Doorway to Other Universes and 5th Dimension! Look Out it’s About to Hit the Fan!
It’s kind of nice that God has allowed the pressure to stay against me all this time.  If He hadn’t, maybe I would have stopped fighting to be heard.  Maybe I would have dropped the ball.  I might have stopped DECLARING THE WARNING.  I would have had BLOOD ON MY HANDS but now I know that if anybody cares about what happened to me and my family, or perhaps what is happening to themselves or somebody they love, they will find enough resources on my website to lead them to some answers.  I did good.  I chose ALWAYS to forgive, even if I was not always able to pull it off.  God looks at the heart and I wish for mine to be perfect before Him.
From October 2011.
(Before I researched GANGSTALKING AND REMOTE-ELECTRONIC TORTURE OF US CITIZENS and still believed my torment was caused by just spirits.)
CHAPTER 38
 
I demanded (again) that the atheist make a call on my mental health.  So far I haven’t heard back.  Here’s what I wrote:  “I always pictured you and me in a restaurant, maybe 10 years from now.  I’d say, “Soooo…… how’ve you been?”   Now, you’re gonna shoot me or I’m going to turn myself inside out.  If I get much more honest, I won’t have any skin left.”  He’s the only one who could make the call between insanity and the existence of demons, in this particular case.  I told him that evidence demands a verdict.   
 
I wrote lots more:  “YOU started this.  I was getting better.  I still am, truth be known.  And tougher.  I know what I know and scientists know and (some) Christians know and shamans know and Wiccans know.  YOU’RE MISSING THE BOAT!  (So are the Baptists, but at least they believe in forgiveness.) “
 
The “pathways to well-being and virtue” are studied by some scientists. Psi.  Out-of-body experiences, ESP, global-consciousness kinds of stuff. Real scientists.  Some other scientists don’t like what they do, but their papers are scholarly and documented.  The Institute of Noetic Science bibliography has 6,000 references of meditation research alone.  A girl from high school dropped by.  She wants me to read some legal papers.  We decided that neither of us feels as though we have any purpose.  We decided to find one.  We met up with another gal, she’s purposeless, too.  She said that’s why God gave men two heads, their brains would rattle around too much in the big one.  
 
Our government has been banning dust.  There is a law before Congress that would prohibit our government, from banning dust.  The layers of legislative bullshit, one law to outlaw another law, that might affect a law that hasn’t even been written yet..offer me no hope.  This thing cannot be dismantled.  Pull out one card, and the rest of the pile falls down.  We got big government for the duration.  But I expect that to change, when people wise up.  I hope I still believe what I still believe.  Unless I can, it won’t come about.
 
It’s the end of October, and I’m still feeding that one bluejay.  Months of struggle, and he hasn’t learned that he cannot possibly access the food he wants, without my help.  He’s never been skittish, and he’s plenty used to me now.  The pain in his voice still breaks my heart.  I haven’t seen him around for a while.  He showed up again and I’ll help him.  He thinks I play games.
 
I’ve been trying to listen to a tape Growmaster made.  He wrote on the case, “Shit my dad did.”  It’s taken me weeks to get through the shit his dad did.  They lived really far in the woods, and when Dad left for the day, they were completely isolated.  I had a hard time with the story of how their father held them by their ankles outside a second-floor window.  (This was not a fit of passion.  He held each of them, in turn.)  When a gunshot went through the bed, I turned off the tape-recorder. The bullet passed through a wall and a dresser on the other side.  (Growmaster’s sisters were in that room.)   He remembers going to school for a couple years, here and there.  Growmaster still takes his baby to visit the old man.  It’s 100 miles, one-way.  I get to see that baby too, tomorrow.
 
My dad apologized last night.  He said he was sorry he’d been a “bad dad” and that you don’t get to have your babies over again.  I told him that I’d like to be his friend.  He said I was “scary”.  Whatever.  He’s said that before.  One time I asked him, “Why can’t you just let me love you like I want to?”  He said, “It’s scary”.   It was scary for me every time he woke me from the bedroom door, pitching a shoe at my head, so I guess we’re even.  
 
He made three trips bearing leftovers from a Halloween party.  He brought huge tubs of ice cream and 1/2 gallon of hot fudge.  I was so amazed at his second trip, that I cracked a joke looking around for hot dogs in his car.  He went back and got some. (Maybe he even stopped to buy some, they didn’t look like a commercial package.)  My dad does things like that.
 
He’s always the first one at an accident, and he saves people’s lives.  He’s the most generous person I know, other than George and Isaac I guess.  He loved his mother very much and every year gave her roses, on his birthday.  The best presents ever, he takes people places all the time.  He researches cool things. (If he and Isaac ever got to spend much time together, they could teach each other a thing or two.) 
 
Isaac reports amazing smart things that Wonderful tells him.  It surprises him how many principles of business stewardship I already understand.  Wonderful knows I do.  I listened to my dad, even though he wasn’t talking to me.
 
My dad was not a bad dad.  My dad was a lonely dad, and it made me lonely too.  I always wished he would yell. He wouldn’t slam a door, he closed  them with static precision that stole my air.  He’d walk very softly, still does, as though he must defend each footstep.  I’ve seen him bite the nipple from an exquisite European truffle and throw the rest out the window.  To prove he was in control.  (Sometimes chocolate calls him.  He told me that.)  It’s a hard way to live.
 
We were watching family videos the other day.  I wanted my babies to be perfect.  I had waited a long time and was jaw-set to do things right. (I cried in a Big Boy parking lot because my mother commented on how much food we got on the floor.)  This video though, was gorgeous boy-baby, lying on his back and refusing to perform.   My hands were in his face the whole time.  I was tapping his cheeks and demanding:  Smile!  Smile!   I was just like my dad. 
 
 George says, that if I got my journals back, he could remember enough detail to write his own version. “Out of the mouths of two or three witnesses shall a matter be established.”
 
Sick, I was as sick last night as I’ve ever been in my life and it was frightening.  I was instantly drenched, the deluge left hot-flashes in the dust.  Mud.  I was losing consciousness, other times I’ve always been conscious, and I never, ever felt what my heart and breathing did.  I was ripping off clothes and calling George to come pray for me.  Then I couldn’t talk.  My limbs started jerking at one point, oh it was so scary.  As George prayed for me there were some guttural vocalizations, my breathing calmed down and eventually the palpitations and sweating stopped.  He put “Calamity Jane” on TV as I recovered, and started working at a nearby computer.
 
I asked him, “You know I’ve been really struggling since the haunting left.  I haven’t interacted much with the spirit realm, and I’ve questioned my definitions.  But this time, I really was attacked, wasn’t I?”  His answer shook me up.  He said, “I didn’t want to tell you this, but all day long your neck and face looked like you weighed twenty pounds more than you do.”  By that time I could sit up and he looked at me.  “You look completely normal now.” He still believes in demons too. 
———–
Back to 2016
“All your children will be taught of the Lord and great shall be their peace.”
George and my sons are ‘concerned’ that I ‘deal’ with being RAPED AS A CHILD.
They’d be amazed how much good APOLOGIES DO.  AND REPENTANCE.
It’s funny how the VICTIM is the one who gets punished.
Behold, I and the children whom the Lord hath given me are for signs and for wonders in Israel from the Lord of hosts, which dwelleth in mount Zion.
9/16/16
8:23 am
I decided to hang up the computer yesterday.  I barely lasted 9 hours.

Where did I leave off? Chapter 1

9/16/16
7:42 am
Oh, yeah.  Destitute and despondent.  So I ran for Congress and got myself targeted.  I lost every relationship, my bar license, all my worldly goods, I am homeless now, and have even been involuntarily detained in a psych ward and poisoned,  by my sons, with my dad egging them on.  I need to write a new book.  Also, I just shuttered my old website.  It’s a great relief.  I’m not going to email anymore either.
If opportunity shows up with my name on it I WILL KNOW that God sent it.  (Right after I pray a lot to make sure.)  I became VERY PARANOID and extremely diligent in my head.  I’m tired, but I’m growing stronger.  What I believed to be demons in “Madness and Politics…but I repeat myself” were ACTUALLY THE EFFECTS OF ELECTRONIC WEAPONS.  (And ALSO demons.)
Man, do I have a story this time.
(Jesus is Lord.)

Why did the man take away the girl’s house?

So she wouldn’t have one.

This is very basic and it is a question my sons do not ask as they REPEATEDLY KICK ME OUT OF MY CHILDHOOD HOME THAT I GAVE TO THEM IN OBEDIENCE TO MY DAD.

I’m packing.  AGAIN.  I can’t stay gone.  Something always changes and I have to come back.  This isn’t pleasant when nobody wants to see you.  I haven’t had pleasant in YEARS but I am, for the VERY FIRST TIME, happy.  Happy seems to be like extremely powerful hope, coupled with the inability to get annoyed.  Really great to live here, even if I am sleeping in my car occasionally.  I mean in my dad’s old car.  I don’t own a car anymore.  I own three rings and a bunch of ill-fitting second-hand clothes.  I got really fat on the meds from the psych ward, and due to the fact that I quit smoking almost exactly one year ago.  I’ve been getting better since I visited my friends in West Virginia, and they did some ministry on my RESENTMENT AND ANGER concerning my father.

BUT, when I got home from WV, right before I stopped smoking because he asked, making me consider for the first time, “Is that [smoking cigarettes] who you are?”:   ISAAC CAME HERE FROM HIS HAPPY LIFE IN BOULDER, SO HE COULD NEUTRALIZE ME. He’s been working on it ever since, and each milestone along my year to emotional health has been countered by his cries:  “MOM IS CRAZY!  MOM IS UNHAPPY!  MOM IS DELUSIONAL!  LOCK HER UP IMMEDIATELY!”  He’s yelled at EVERY AGENCY IN THE COUNTY and even signed papers.  Wow.  I didn’t know you could get such an amazing flying monkey!  My dad hasn’t had to lift a finger!  “Jesus, please forgive Isaac and my dad.  Help me write this book as YOU WISH.  Thank you.  Amen.”

It makes me wonder sometimes, how people can know that GOD INVENTED SEX,  and yet not believe that He might know the best ways of doing it?  How could we have missed that?  Oh, yeah.  satan.  And the NSA.  Our government does, actually, knowingly, intentionally put DEMONS INTO PEOPLE.  That’s all that the electronic weapons are really intended to do; all the marionette-rapes-with corresponding plots and accompanying physical effects,  are just window-dressing and a perk of the job for the perverts.  What’s REALLY HAPPENING is that nasty disembodied spirits are finding homes just as fast as CERN is pumping them from hell into our reality.  DEMONS ARE HUNTING FOR REAL ESTATE and we open the doors and show them around.  Ever know people like that?  I don’t know where they come from, but there’s a sub-culture of caucasian Americans who habitually show a guest EVERY SINGLE ROOM IN THEIR HOMES.  I always hope I’m not inadvertently offending one of them, when I do not usher him into my powder room.  Who’s to say what might offend some guys?

I expect the demons want bodies to more fully participate in the war.  Also, a body’s other inhabitant, the former ‘self’ becomes a prisoner of war.  Mind control ensues, and soon the former self is UTTERLY AMAZED by the things he does. “That’s  just not like him at all.”

You can fit a whole bunch of spirits into a single body.  How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?  ALL OF THEM.

“It is not what you have done for the Lord.  It is who you HAVE BECOME that counts.”  (Neville Johnson)

The disciples I listen to are all glad when God reveals some impurity in their lives and in their hearts.  I am too.  Jesus told me once, “You choose to be perfect before Me.  Only I can make it so.  Don’t strive.”  I do that, I strive.  I strive over EVERYTHING and I try to perform tasks more efficiently each time.  I’ve never felt worthy so I had to work harder than everybody else.  That’s a nice thing about Jesus,  you couldn’t EVER work hard enough to impress Him.  But, also I’m not nearly big enough to disappoint Him.  He’s teaching me patience.  The SLOW way.
Getting Home During A Crisis – Footwear, Water Sources, Wild Edibles, and Security
Dixie from Homemade Wanderlust joins us to discuss what it took to trek over 2,000 miles along the Appalachian Trail. Footwear, Food, Illness, Tools and all of the things that you can do to prepare yourself for a long journey home during an emergency.
I wanna go camping, and I want to hike someplace cool and not too hot.  I want to extend myself and I want to see new things.  I wonder if Josh would think it a move toward housing-independence if I tried sleeping in a tent for a couple nights? I wonder if he and Isaac would come with me?  I tried to take them camping when they were little in the middle of 20 acres I owned from my grandpa.  We didn’t have much provision; no tent, and we were trying to sleep in the Jeep Wagoneer when somebody rolled off a seat and spilled a container of orange juice and we ended up going home in the middle of the night. Good times.  We didn’t try camping again and that’s a pity.
I don’t have an illness.  I have an issue they refuse to talk about.  I MUST GO TO COLORADO, and I must leave day after tomorrow.  I wish God would give me an option before then.  NO WAY OUT.  They’re SO CONCERNED about me that they will not help me do anything I WANT TO DO.  I submitted three months of my life and cogent brain activity beginning with my abduction in January.  George sees nothing wrong with their continual threats.  Isaac is going to hell if he dies anytime soon.  I told him this story:

It’s like when I worked for the paralyzed guy.

He’d yell at me when I did something wrong.

I’d just shake my head.

How can you yell at a person whose ONLY GOAL is to do things exactly your way?

My sons can’t name a symptom I still exhibit.

I was fixed by God in the first week of August.

Also, even before that I’ve agreed to change or I have changed every objectionable behavior they mentioned, right up to the point of not leaving my bedroom and offering not to make coffee in the morning because the smell disturbs young men who don’t go to bed until I’m getting up.

Never enough.

Isaac believes if he does this one to me, the monkey will be off his back.

He also believes I won’t stand up again.

He’s wrong.
A thousand dollars and I could have my own life and be out of their way.
I gave Josh my word I’d go but I thought he’d wise up to Isaac.
They say my life is terrible that I research all the time.
I think their lives are terrible because they play video games and plot against their mother’s freedom.

I’m tempted to email the Colorado woman again.  I figured that Isaac would take her words to heart, when she said, “Live your own life and let your mom live hers.”  If she was good enough to submit your mom to 30 hours a week of psychobabble and additional hours for a 12-step program when i quit in a single step, well then if she said “mind your own business” then I guess you would.  So I thought.  I’m not permitted a Christian alternative.  Not permitted any choice at all and the brake froze up on that beater car again.  I can only submit.  And pray for a miracle.

I don’t want to go.

I’m being punished.

I’m not sure if Josh realizes it but the other two sure do.

I told them I’d stop emailing so I’m not doing it.
I sure wish somebody would step up for me.
I don’t need much, but I need a hand up.
I’m tired of being pushed back down every time I try to stand.
This house won’t have any prayer when I’m gone.
(Except I’ll pray for it and there’s no distance in the spirit realm, nor time.)
Isaac will be more comfortable when there is less Holy Ghost around.
I picked 2 four-leaf clovers.

It’s pride, isn’t it?

I don’t want to go to the funny farm because of pride.

The fact is, diagnosis doesn’t mean a hill of beans if Jesus wants me in a specific job or environment.

My life is His, and He knows where He wants to be in me.

I really have to just submit this.

I have been diagnosed mentally ill.

I have been fighting this moment since my dad set the cops on my in 2009 and we made a bet.

I really do not want to be known that way.

I would prefer to be known as a Truth-seeker-speaker; that is authentic.

Did Dad really win?

NO.

He changed my reputation and relationships and lifestyle and sustenance.

Jesus changed me.

And He’s not finished.


Also, my dad is going to cough up 3 and a half million dollars toward rehabilitation and restitution.
I pray to distribute it wisely and according to GOD’S WILL.
I know what my destiny is and so does Isaac and that’s why he insists I become mentally ill.
I’m going to reveal the sell-outs.
All of them in Michigan and some others.
2:32 pm

I just learned more and Jesus gave me peace:

I already ENTERED MY DESTINY!

What we’ve done will trickle down until EVERY SINGLE SELL-OUT

within the sound of my fingers will be exposed.

This is going to be great!

I guess I can take a couple months off and visit with some smart women; they’re pretty rare.

For thus saith the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength…
I want to be exactly where God wants me to be even if going to ‘treatment’ is my own personal rat-in-the-facemask.  Just like school.  Every day of school was the worst day of my life.  
Isaac wins.
(Not.)
(I already did what I was supposed to do.)
(They’re closing the door after the horse split.)
(And ALSO PUNISHING ME.)
(That’s a really narcissistic practice
AMONG ADULTS.)
What they’re doing to me is what I’ve feared since Dad set the cops on me in 2009.
They know it, too.
That’s only one way I know I’m being punished.
I wonder if George will still be here when I get back; he’s said, even recently, that he was leaving.  
We’ve been divorced for four years next month.
I’ll believe it when I see it.
“Pain, loss, utter confusion, shock…” 
(Consequences of rejecting Jesus)
I’m happy now.
It’s not about me; Isaac is messing up his life in a lot of ways.  
He can’t stand that I never sold out.

The Bohemian Escape By Tiny House Nation

I like being away from Isaac and Josh and George.  I don’t feel ANY CONDEMNATION!

We’re supposed to take George’s car to Colorado but he just pulled into the garage behind me and I thought it was one of the diesels!  It’s loud.

George said that I shouldn’t feel like he hadn’t stuck up for me.  He said, “I did.”  I forgave him then, because if he BELIEVES he did then I can’t ask for any more than that.  If in his heart he MEANT TO stick up for me, then that’s good enough.

Jesus has GOT to deal with me.
I’ve claimed His name for years through MUCH ACCUSATION and I did my best to obey Him.
He has to show up and either accept my offered life or demonstrate I’m a fool.
I just have to be patient.

How We Have Eyes To See & Nonbelievers Do Not

IT IS NOT RIGHT OF THESE GUYS TO FORCE ME INTO ‘TREATMENT’ WHEN I NO LONGER EXHIBIT ANY SYMPTOMS.

THE BETTER AND MORE IN CONTROL I GET THE MORE THEY HAVE THREATENED ME.

THIS WHOLE CHARADE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY HEALTH AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH SHUTTING ME DOWN.  AND SHUTTING ME UP.

JESUS KNOWS ALL OF THIS AND HE HAS A PLAN.

Say not ye, There are yet four months, and then cometh harvest? behold, I say unto you, Lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white already to harvest.
 
National Gallery of Canada

WikiLeaks’ Guccifer: Obama Sold Off Public Offices 2 Donors – MOST CORRUPT ADMINISTRATION IN HISTORY

“I don’t know why you do it. Perhaps it is because you are bored and want to generate some excitement. That does not make you too different to me does it? The need to excite, the need to cause a reaction. I know why I do it. First and foremost I am entitled to succeed and I must always be seen to be winning. Secondly, the expressions of dismay and indignant protests at my conduct (especially since I am untouchable) cause me to surge with power as they fuel me. Now, you must excuse me; I have some money markets to rig and they close in an hour.”

This Is How the Resistance Will Be Won!

“We are so entrained to see might as right, but you can right here in this photo truth is revealed. Power based on violence is a facade, it is a mask covering fear.”
“Interplay between opposing forces.”
(I saw a huge stone door today.  I was pushing against it and bodies were being pushed backwards along with it.  I declared “Open up ye doors, and be ye listed up ye almighty gates.  LET IN THE KING OF GLORY.  Who is this King of Glory?  The Lord MIGHTY IN BATTLE.”)
(Then I prayed for the biggest angels to throw in with me.)
“The self-delusions are blown apart by her conviction.”
Isn’t this beautiful?

BREAKING: Julian Assange Offers To Surrender In Exchange For The Freedom Of Chelsea Manning.

Kee
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