7:07 pm

We choose… GOD & SANCTITY or Ourself & Mediocrity – Message from June 18th, 2016

“These times we are in right now are the most intense, because they are leading up to THE DESTRUCTION OF THE WORLD SYSTEM as we know it.”
I saw my parents today.  They were in a car; I saw my dad in a car one other time but it was the first time I’ve seen my mom since January 11 when they came to watch me be abducted.  I was turning left and they were turning right and it was the exact spot where I used to meet my dad and I’d wave my arm loose trying to see him wave back.  Today my mom waved; they both looked right at me.  Mom waved; she looked like she was trying to shake a booger off her finger.  I didn’t even nod.  I have ZILCHO respect for either of the hypocrites who spawned me.  Nada.  6 months.  7 years and six months.  They’ve refused to talk to me.  They are also wienies.
I came home and took a soak outside. The tub was very hot and the wind was wild and cold.  I feel good now.  I picked a lot of clovers today and my joints are stiff anyway so I was very sore.  I guess I haven’t been off the meds as long as I thought, probably less than two weeks since I took the last pill.  I started weaning myself off when Isaac left for Montreal; I guess I took about a month.  It sure is nice to be able to complete my sentences.  Also, I don’t miss the tremor.  My hands shook so bad!  Even my mouth and my tongue would shake. Horrible.  That stuff is very nasty.  And they give it to POLITICAL PRISONERS and Disciples of Jesus.  In America.  Back in 2009 when my dad was first trying to lock me up my mom said I was CRAZY because… I was REBELLIOUS TO GOVERNMENT.  U  betcher ass.  SO VERY MUCH MORE NOW that government’s offenses are so well documented.  I LOVE vindication.  I don’t give a rip what ANYBODY THINKS OF ME NOW.  I recorded everything!  EVERY SMIDGEON is documented…right down to the ‘soft-kill’ intent of my psychopath father.  I haven’t much evidence of the times my life was threatened in a more acute manner.  BUT I WILL.  Amen.
I thought my dad would be arrested long before now.  

4:09 pm

I picked 3 more four-leaf clovers.

3:08 pm

I took a nice ride and prayed.

Then I picked 26 more four-leaf clovers.

12:30 pm

I made zucchini bread for George.

I picked 8 more four-leaf clovers.

I’m feeling kind of resentful after reeding some old entries.  It’s been a LONG time that my sons have rejected Truth and I’m feeling resentful about them locking me up and that I had to take those poison medicines that made me lose my memory and stammer and shuffle and gain a lot of weight.  I’m still achy.  I thought it would be out of my system by now.  I shouldn’t feel resentful because I gave my life to God and obviously that’s what He did with it.  So I’m going to go for a ride to pray.

I don’t want my bad attitude to mess with my sons’ spiritual growth.  So I’m counting on Jesus to love me back into confidence and joy.  Good thing I’ve got a full tank.

11:40 am

I picked three more four-leaf clovers.

10:12 am

Bump to the top, from January 2013

God is in control and his schedule is the best.  I believe that sometimes.  They want me to leave and I’m trying.  God says I won’t have to leave, though.  He’s said a lot of things I struggle to believe.  I gave away my life.  I shouldn’t bitch that I have none. 
I’m feeling sorry for myself.  I was the VICTIM and I must leave my home.  I don’t have any idea what I could do or where I could go.  George is the one who punches walls out when required to consider that Josh has problems, but I’ve got to go.  Jesus set this up.  I have no resources and not much nerve to carry out a plan if I even had one.  
“Lord, I’ve felt myself at the end of myself so many times!  I have nothing and nobody.  Only you.  You have a plan for my life and I reject self-pity in your name and by the power of your blood and your sinless, perfect life and mind, body and spirit.  I was abused so thoroughly by so many people that I don’t have any confidence.  It hurts when Isaac tries to find me somewhere to go.  It hurts that they want me gone.  It hurts that they don’t believe you’re God, but truthfully, what evidence do they have?  I’m the only one who still believes in this house and I have nothing to show for it.  I do not no another person holding out for the Glorious Church and the new things you’re doing in this time.  Not one soul to speak to.  How can I get a job?  How can I even get to an interview?  How can I do anything except take care of men who sleep all day.  Josh slept until 2 yesterday.  1:30 today.  George thinks that’s OK.”
“Lord I have to lick this self-pity!  I’m so lonely!  I know your word says you’ll restore everything taken from us.  From me.  I lost every single person I cared about.  I lost my home and reputation.  I lost my financial support and all of my worldly goods, pretty much.  I lost my satisfaction with two very fine boys, raised by me.  They’re troubled and the only cause they see is me.  They think me evil.  All I ever did was obey you.  I did a favor for a stranger.  You put all this on me, and you say I”ll get everything back, and then some, and then a whole lot more.  I’m choosing to believe this, but right now it’s only mental ascension.  I do not feel in my heart, what I felt last night.  Last night I was jubilant, thinking how any moment you could change my life.  You could demonstrate the truth of my victimization.  You could restore friendships, and respect.  You could make me rich or beautiful or clever.  I thought, even this morning, that you would and might do such things right away.  Now I feel sorry for myself again, and terribly pointless.”
“I do choose your way.  I do chose to stay down and allow you to raise me up, in your time.  I consciously choose to be content alone.  I consciously choose to disregard the lies and lack.  I am grateful for my astonishing good health.  I am grateful for my strength and fortitude.  I am grateful for all the visions and dreams you gave me in years past that have kept me going thus far.  I am grateful for the years I spent with sons who loved and trusted me.  I am grateful for the things I taught them before I was unable.  I am grateful for George.  I am grateful that he was always kind to them and to me.  I am grateful for the time I got to feel that this house was mine, and that my contributions to its maintenance were valuable.  I am grateful that George gives me money each paycheck.  I am grateful for your promises to me.  I am grateful that Isaac will not always feel that I”m the daughter he never wanted and that Josh will not always think me slovenly and untrue.  I am grateful that neither charge is warranted.  I am grateful that I quit smoking and drinking and smoking pot.  I am grateful that Isaac has projects.  I am grateful that former friends of mine still believe him to be valuable.  I am grateful that some day truth will be exposed and somebody will like me again.  I am grateful that you waste nothing, and you have invested a lot of time and energy into teaching me things that  (apparently) other people do not know.  I am grateful that some time my knowledge will matter.  I am grateful that I always sought YOUR WAY AND NOT MY OWN and there is at least one person who knows that for sure.  I am grateful that my words have proven prophetic.  I am grateful that false accusations only make my obedience more valuable.  I am grateful that you have enabled me to hear you many times.  I am grateful that your glory will soak into the land beneath my feet and people will thank you for my consistent weirdness.  I am grateful that people will praise your name because of things you’ve enabled me to do.  I am grateful that you are the vindicator, and the almighty judge, and the sentencing guidelines and the good shepherd and the great and good physician.  I am grateful that when I beg you to totally possess me with your Spirit, you would like nothing more.  I am grateful that your glory will be seen as you pour out your Spirit on all flesh!  I am grateful that I’ll get to see it.  I am grateful that you will heal my broken heart and soothe my pains and hold me and let me cry.  I am grateful that when you claim me as your own, finally, I will be at peace.  I am grateful that I am still alive.  I am grateful that you have enabled me to live with conflicting, psychotic disparities of reality, and that you will see me through.  I am grateful that I sleep.  I am grateful that you have taken away the band that was around my chest for so long.  I am grateful that you won, and Satan has no right to make me feel like I do.  I am grateful that soon I will be so confident of that fact that I won’t need to convince myself ever again.  I am grateful that after I feel this bad, you always make me very happy and give me amazing spiritual blessings.  I am grateful that I worship you and no other!  I am grateful that even when I don’t feel like it, you bring me around to reality, and I again, worship you!  I am grateful that if I can keep being grateful, you’ll draw me into the intimate place with you again, where I can feel valued and loved.  I am grateful that your love is the only thing I ever need.  I am grateful that I can remember that with my mind, even when I don’t feel that way.  I am grateful that you have taught me not to value my mind, over my spirit.  I am grateful that you will not ever let me go.  I am grateful that I WON!  I am grateful that Satan and the sons of perdition will never stop me from accomplishing and becoming exactly what you designed me to do and be!  I am grateful that even when I feel my heart breaking all over again, I know you can fix it all over again!  I am grateful that you are Lord of Lords and King of Kings and my only love and strength.  I am grateful that you are ever faithful and all powerful and did not ever once submit to the enemy!  I am grateful that by your grace, and through your blood, and because of your love, I WILL NEVER SUBMIT EITHER!  I am grateful that when I do not submit, others all around me benefit, whether they know and or believe it.  I am grateful that my obedience will yield tremendous dividends in the lives of those who know me.  I am grateful that my story will be told and that perpetrators of evil will be brought to divine justice!  I am grateful that you will restore the years the cankerworm has stolen!  I am grateful that Satan cannot steal from the omniscient creator!  I am grateful to know you!  I am grateful that you’ll draw me into your arms again!  I am grateful that you will heal my heart.  I am grateful that I allowed it to be broken, again and again.  I am grateful that you told me I would.  I am grateful that you told me you had a plan and I would not die from a broken heart.  I am grateful that you will use my life to touch many, many lives.  I am grateful that you will give me my heart’s desire!  I am grateful that you know my heart far better than I ever did myself!  I am grateful that you won’t ever require more than I can give.  I am grateful that you are the eternal giver, and that I depend on you for my sustenance.  I am grateful for the DONE TENSE!  I am grateful that you won!  I am grateful that Joshua is well and trusting and truthful!  I am grateful that you won on behalf of my entire family!  I am grateful that George has a friend!  I am grateful that he is not so dependent on me!  I am grateful that you provide for me.  I am grateful that the work and the battle were finished many years ago and my pain is only an illusory state!  I am grateful that your deliverance is absolute, final and accomplished!  I am grateful that I am seated with you in heavenly places, even when I don’t see them or you!  I am grateful that the haunting is a blessing, even thoughit hasn’t seemed that way.  I am grateful that you know what you’re doing and you’ve been driving this car all along!  I am grateful that when the smoke clears and I can see my way, you’ll already have positioned me perfectly to do all you ask and to praise you for your amazing plan!  I am grateful that your plan does not depend on me!  I am grateful that you are dependable!  I am grateful that you are truth!  I am grateful that I will not be alone!  I am grateful that there are others with whom you’ve dealt as deeply and strangely as you have with me.  I am grateful that we will swap stories forever and ever!  I am grateful that the increase of peace will never end!  I am grateful that the increase of your government will never end!  I am grateful that you will overtake all earthly government and establish your kingdom among the heathen, as you have with us.  I am grateful for justice and mercy.  I am grateful that I already have both!  I am grateful that my enemies are under my feet!  I am grateful that you will deal with them in righteousness and absolute truth, because I will not nor do I have to consider it!  I am grateful that as I rest, you will establish my future and the future of my sons and everything having to do with us.  I am grateful that you will provide a place for me, and something for me to do.  I am grateful that all these years haven’t been in vain.  I am grateful that you have perfectly prepared me for what is to come.  I am grateful that you are DONE and that you ARE ENJOYING WHAT IS UNFOLDING!  I am grateful that I’ve always asked to see difficult situations through your eyes and at least one human being knows that to be true.  I am grateful that love NEVER, EVER FAILS!  I am grateful that you are love and that by establishing myself in your continual presence means I will never, ever fail.  I am grateful that I won!  I am grateful that those who abused me will see you rise upon my behalf and they will fear.  I am grateful that I will not have to know anything at all.  I am grateful that you know everything.  I am grateful that my name is etched on the palm of your hand!  I am grateful that you will never, ever fail at what you set out to do!  I am grateful that I climbed onboard with you years ago.  I am grateful for the spirit who prays through me when I don’t have a clue what is going on!  I am grateful that I never need to know what is happening because you always do!  I am grateful for the promises you made me.  I am grateful for the fullness of time and that I will see you rise with healing in your wings.  I am grateful that you will satisfy me.  I am grateful that I’ve never been satisfied so I can really appreciate it when it comes.  I am grateful that there is no time with you and if I could just internalize that, I’m already satisfied.  I am so very satisfied with you, Lord.  I am so very grateful and appreciative that you took notice of me!  I am grateful for the fire you’re sending my way.  I am grateful for what you will accomplish in the lives around me and in my own.  I am grateful that you know that my interactions with my parents have been by dictation and geared toward their eternal best interests.  I am grateful that one day they will thank me for all that I did and said.  I am grateful that Joshua will respect me and Isaac will believe in your omnipotence!  I am grateful that your will is that everybody comes to know you and that you will do anything at all to see that they get the chance.  I am grateful that every single morning I give my life to you again.  I am grateful that I do not always take it personally when I am vilified.  I am grateful that my sense of discouragement is only a fleeting emotion, and not a representation of any truth at all.  I am grateful that when I feel better after tonight’s pity party, I will feel VERY MUCH BETTER!  I am grateful that even if I can’t get a job, or don’t know how to represent myself, or what kind of work I could do, or don’t believe I am worth a paycheck, or don’t have the confidence to even look…you have a place for me.  I am grateful that there is nothing I could do that would make me miss it.  I am grateful for that time I was giving George grief about not applying and Dave said he wouldn’t get an application in the mail and then you did!  I am grateful that you know what I require before I do.  I am grateful that you know how to provide the things I can’t even believe I could ever have.  I am grateful that you did not let me go through all that political stuff and learn so much without  planning a way for my knowledge to be of value.  I am grateful that you would not require so much love from a person without planning that that love be returned.  I am grateful that I do not have to trust in any human, but only in you.  I am grateful when you tell me where and whom to trust.  I am grateful that you tell me many things and that you will again.  I am grateful for the Kingdom and I am grateful that I have been longing for it for so many years!  I am grateful for the Glorious Church and I am grateful that I will have part in bringing it into the physical realm.  I am grateful for the great cloud of witnesses and that my preaching hasn’t been in vain.  I am grateful that I will be loved and valued.  I am grateful that I do not usually feel as lousy as I do tonight.  I am grateful that lousy is not your way.  I am grateful to come again feeling lousy in your name, and through your shed blood!  I am grateful that you will hide me away again and I won’t feel the pain.”
“I am grateful that you say I will not have to leave here even as I look for somewhere to go.  I am grateful that you have a plan for me.  I am grateful that you have enabled me to believe that through all the terrible things I had to do and say.  I am grateful when you touch me and show me amazing things.  I am grateful that I will live forever with you.  I am grateful to know that without you, living forever would be a terrible thing.  I am grateful that your glory will rest on me!  I am grateful to be birthing a new thing into the world!  I am grateful for all the times I felt bad and you lifted me up above the earth, above the scandals and violence, above the insanity and expectations, to the place where you and I are (almost) alone and I can hear you clearly and see things as you do!  I long to be alone with you!  You’ve not permitted that for a long time!  Please Jesus, let me be alone with you!  I am grateful that for whatever you have for me to do, I am perfectly prepared and abundantly anointed!  I am grateful that my destiny starts today.  I am grateful for done and for now.  I am grateful for now.  I am grateful to be in this gorgeous bedroom by myself with lots of merino wool and the peace of mind to actually imagine things.  I am grateful that I can imagine a very fine future, with pleasures and hard work, with divine relationships and connections.  I am grateful  that I’m not lazy.  I am grateful that I have learned to obey you.  I am grateful that I do not require my obedience to make sense.  I am grateful that I do not care what man may say about me or do to me.  I am grateful that not a hair on my head will be touched!  I am grateful that you are my protection and my high tower and my inheritance and my reward and my savior and my deliverer.  I am grateful that I will be blessed and that I have been blessed all along.  I am grateful that the very people who ridicule me and heap reproach on me for things you’ve required, will be the ones most affected by my ascent to your planned position.  I am grateful that many will believe in you when they see what you have prepared for me!  I am grateful that they will not see me, but your glory all over the place!  I am grateful that you enabled me to do so many things without taking them personally, and that you will perfect this characteristic   I am grateful that my life will give you glory!  I do so give you the glory!  Lord, Jesus, you’ve been there through so much crap!  You have loved me when nobody else did!  You recognize my contributions when others do not.  You loved me enough to trust me with a very hard life, so you can be seen upon the earth!  Forgive me for desiring to be vindicated for any reason except to demonstrate your glory!   I am grateful that I never went crazy!  I am grateful that at least one person knows this to be true!  I am grateful that his life will count for a lot.  I am grateful you used me to save his life.  I am grateful you enabled me to love him despite my own wounds.  I am grateful that love never fails.  I am grateful that your word ALWAYS accomplishes what you set it towards.  I am grateful to have spoken your word many, many times.  Thank you for the privilege of speaking your words!  Thank you for the privilege of knowing your heart on his behalf.  Thank you for loving the unlovable.  Thank you for all the miracles!  Thank you for my handwriting.  Thank you for divine enabling to do many things!  Thank you for ordering time so I can accomplish more than I can accomplish.”  
“Thank you that you have a home for me.  Thank you that you will see that I get there.  Thank you that you told me I don’t have to do it.  Thank you that “it” meant a lot of things.”

FBI Admits Forensics Unit Lied for Decades

The Justice Department and FBI have released a statement formally acknowledging that for over two decades, every examiner in an elite FBI forensic unit offered false testimony in almost every trial in which they offered evidence against criminal defendants.

See more here:   https://matrixbob.wordpress.com/2016/06/19/fbi-admits-forensics-unit-lied-for-decades-video/

Mind Control: Nazi Technology controls Today’s Politicians

“One of the easiest ways to develop evidence which can be used for future blackmail is through arranging sexually compromising situations involving mind-controlled Manchurian Candidates.

Each targeted leader or potential leader is profiled by operatives in the mind control programs to discover what sexual type most attracts them.”

“Only when a politician or leader later makes an attempt to go against the agendas of those in control is he or she informed of compromising videos which could ruin their career. The elite usually gain quality blackmail evidence on key politicians long before they rise to high positions of power. Consider the 2001 case of Chandra Levy and Congressman Gary Condit as an example.”

“It is when we face our greatest challenges that we have the greatest opportunity for growth. Can we love even those who would consciously do us harm? Can we see the silver lining in even the darkest clouds”?

See more at:   http://www.pakalertpress.com/mind-control-nazi-technology-controls-todays-politicians/


9:30 am

I picked six  more four-leaf clovers.

7:30 am

No more Gangstalking down unda

“I’m NOT AFRAID anymore!”

“I’m NOT AFRAID anymore!”
“I’m NOT AFRAID anymore!”

An abused wife’s Bill of Rights

it’s not all that easy a thought to grasp. I—me, the one others lie to, lie about, abuse, yell at, curse out, hurt, ignore, blame—I have rights. Such a thought is shocking and utterly life changing.

When I was growing up, I believed that other people’s wants far outweighed my needs. Because I believed that, that broken-down, mixed-up, bad-to-the-core, false-as-could-be belief enabled others to wield power over me.

Abusers will tell you that you have no rights. They will treat you as if you have no rights. They will yell, stomp, scream, hit, threaten you, and ignore you. They will destroy what you love, lie about you, and give you the silent treatment in order to prove you have no rights.

Because we are precious in His sight, though man may abuse us, we have the right to stand up for ourselves because we do have rights, rights granted by God Himself, and nobody has the right to rob us of them.


In September of last year, Officer Brendan O’Brien killed himself a little more than a year after police say his wife, Irma Huerta-Lopez, also took her life. Although police have not revealed the reason why, immediately after O’Brien’s suicide, an internal affairs probe began looking into whether any current officers committed sexual misconduct with a minor.

Months after the probe was launched, it sent shockwaves through the department and eventually spread to other departments.

The public became aware of the investigation after an 18-year-old sex worker went public claiming to have had sex with dozens of cops in five cities while she worked as a prostitute. Several of these encounters happened when the teen, Celeste Guap, was legally a child.

“It appears to be a cesspool here,” local attorney, John Burris, responsible for a 2003 federal probe into the Oakland police department said. “But you gotta keep working at it to drain the swamps.”

As Oakland scrambles to hold on to what little shred of dignity they think they have left, the embarrassment continues to grow.

Read more here:   http://www.blacklistednews.com/Civilians_Take_Over_Oakland_Police_Dept_After_3rd_Chief_Ousted_During_Underage_Sex_Scandal/52010/0/38/38/Y/M.html

6:53 am

I went out to take a bike ride but the bike had a flat tire again.  That’s too bad because George just fixed it.

So, instead I picked 3 four-leaf clovers.

5:30 am

It must be clearly understood in this most critical and glorious hour that ALL those who truly love God are in the process of making a COMPLETE transition from walking in their “own” strength and understanding and the ways of the world [including the ways of a “worldly” {soulish} church] into the ways of the Kingdom – and the absolute truths and principles therein. One of the most frustrating things one can do is to try and walk in divine Love in their “own” strength – as it is impossible [futile].


Never has there been a more important time for one to be found “ready” – on EVERY front. There comes a time [season] wherein the “fullness of time” begins to overtake the one who has been faithful – and that season is here NOW for all those who truly love God.

As the first “domino” [aspect of the Father’s Will] begins to fall [in the midst of His “forerunners” throughout the remnant Church] it will then produce a “series of suddenlies” throughout the remnant Church [not the least of which will be Kingdom-finances] – and ALL things will come into “divine order”, supernaturally, in our midst [on both an individual and corporate level]. Because of these things, it is of the utmost importance for EVERY child of God to go wherever the Holy Spirit leads them in this hour – knowing that their obedience is best for not only themselves but, also, all those in their sphere of existence.

Being in the right spot at the right time with the right people means everything to all those who are truly seeking the fullness of their precious destiny, in Christ, in this hour – without exception!


See more from Glenn Jackson at:   http://jtlmin.com/2016/2016ml6p.pdf

4:47 am

Good Daddy Jive
(Sometimes it‘s so embarrassing to be white.)
(But even so, they ‘dance’ better than I could.)
(Is that racist to imply that black people dance better?)
 (A Polish salsa queen in Belgium told me so.)



FROM 8/26, 2011


My folks just picked up my Younger to go to his cousin’s football game.  I’m astonished.  Yesterday I sent my mother  this:



Thanks for the peaches.  It’s funny that you brought them when you did; I was in the shower having a melt-down remembering more things from my childhood.  It’s also funny that the healthier I get the more angry I am with y’all.   Not only did you allow your little girl to be repeatedly molested, but I was expected to accept that it was OK to see my father with the baby sitter undressed. Nobody ever said anything…I was supposed to just forget that?   I watched you and [a woman] give each other backrubs and I’d cry because you never wanted to touch me.  I was expected to just move on, I guess.  I learned about sex from Dad’s pornography.  Some of the pictures I saw were pretty intense.  When I grew up, I believed that those things were just normal.  It affected a number of situations,  I can assure you.

I need more than peaches.  I was ignored for my entire life!  (Except the few occasions I was thin and looked OK.)    And  last year my father actually asked my husband (pointing out my additional inadequacies…) when was the last time I cooked him dinner?  I have cooked for my children a thousand times more than you did for yours.  I know, because I started cooking for your kids at 7.  And getting raped.  And watching things I should not have seen.  I need more than peaches…or even cars or houses.  I need no more denial.  You are not the perfect Christian people you hold yourselves out to be and attempt to shame me for not being.  Truth.

You allowed your little girl to be raped.  What does that make of your “Christianity”?  I’ve said this before.  I’ve documented it now.  Whatever happens to me, at least I’ll know that I tried to touch you.  All my life I’ve tried to squelch my discomfort.  I tried to squelch everything, isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?  I’m done.  I’m not gonna puke and have diarrhea anymore because I feel unworthy.  Jesus died for me too.  And he’s watched every moment of my life.  I stand on that and hope that you repent before it gets too far.  You are not my superiors in any arena.  (Except money.  Jesus told us what to think of money though, didn’t he?)  Just because you’re rich doesn’t mean you’re right about anybody else’s life.  You’ve never been right about mine.  Not ever once.  You chose to not know me.  You intentionally chose that.  I understand you had your own axes to grind but that shouldn’t have been the problem of a little girl.  It’s not mine now, either.

I am not threatening you with any intentional discord between you and my children.  I have NEVER done that.  I encouraged them to call you even when I could not personally have been paid enough to talk to you.  They are their own persons,  (whatever, grammar…) but I will not be here much longer bearing this burden that you have put on me repeatedly and continually since I was born.  I don’t want any relationship with liars.  Even those who’ve successfully lied to themselves.  Period.

Let’s make it simple.  I want Dad to apologize for calling me a murderer.  I can overlook the whole stuff with Dr.[I should put her entire name here and her license number and her address…]  (illegal, inappropriate, immoral…) and the cops (you believe the government is God, I get that…)  but your belief that I would murder a person, any person, not even one as fine as [my husband], has to be rectified.  It must.  I swear I’ll push wheelbarrows in dumb-fuck-nowhere before I can stay here in the face of that.  YOU DON’T KNOW ME.  If you want to keep it that way, OK.  Tell me.  I’ve borne shame that came from you for my whole life.  I puke it out, and it’s still there.  Do what you want.”

I thought I went too far, but my boy is at the football game.   I’m home alone for the first time in weeks.  No scheduled guests until tomorrow.  Life is good.


Yesterday I sent a copy of my email assaulting my parents to the guy.  (He hated my dad.)  Today I sent him this:


“I sent that terrible email to my parents yesterday and today they took [my Younger] to a football game.  I was really scared to send it.  I could never have done it if you hadn’t permitted me to bitch at you for so long. I sent them chunks (sans marijuana) of my book.  They put a new roof on the carport a couple weeks ago and replaced the deck that I fell through.  My dad washed the windows and mowed the grass.   Thank you.  It may have been quicker to this point if I actually knew you read anything.  Thank you, just the same.”

He couldn’t possibly know this, but my belief in him has made my semi-sanity possible.  When the spirits would get so overwhelming and my perception of self-value be so diminished that I considered any conceivable alternative to my existence, I would believe that the guy had valued me.  If someone as perceptive as he could (at one point, at least) believe I was worthwhile, then I must be so.  His love (whether real or imagined) saved me.  Isn’t that funny?


“Freedom is always illegal.”  (Larken Rose)

Larken Rose Government is Not my Boss


Breaking Free to Self-Love. From Risk Comes Freedom. Codependency Expert

“I changed the term ‘co-dependent’ to ‘self-love deficit disorder’.”

(Ross Rosenberg)
-“To overcome SLDD we have to discover why we never learned to love ourselves.”

The agony of watching my son die… on live TV: Marco Junior’s mother on the tawdry Big Brother antics that left her crying herself to sleep over her ‘lost’ child

  • By her own reckoning, Mati Conejero has had a combustible few years 
  • The estranged wife of celebrity chef Marco Pierre White has seen her acrimonious divorce put on ice 
  • She has fallen out with her sons Luciano, 22, and 21-year-old Marco Jnr
  • But the heartbreak of seeing heavily tattooed Marco Jnr cavorting on Big Brother has been a new a desperate low

“Marco Jnr was last week seen kissing and stripping off with 30-year-old redhead Laura Carter, taking a naked shower with her, before sucking her breast.The scenes sparked more than 600 complaints to broadcasting watchdog Ofcom, and left Mati crying herself to sleep over her ‘lost’ son. Humiliation has been heaped upon shame.”

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3648496/The-agony-watching-son-die-live-TV-Marco-Junior-s-mother-tawdry-Big-Brother-antics-left-crying-sleep-lost-child.html#ixzz4ByQEHy8y
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3648496/The-agony-watching-son-die-live-TV-Marco-Junior-s-mother-tawdry-Big-Brother-antics-left-crying-sleep-lost-child.html#ixzz4ByQ7k2mZ
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

PICTURED: The moment Zara Holland breaks down on Love Island as she is stripped of her Miss Britain title after having sex on TV

‘We gave our permission for Zara to enter, as our current winner, under the stipulation that she did not have sex on TV. Zara fully agreed to this and knowingly went against our wishes.’

And, while there have been accusations of sexism in the strong action taken against Zara for her behaviour, Miss GB bosses insist this is not the case, stating they’re protecting their brand.

The statement continued: ‘Zara is a lovely girl, we understand that this is out of character for her and that she truly regrets her actions; however, the decision simply comes down to the fact that she has broken the rules of the competition.



Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3647990/Zara-Holland-breaks-Love-Island-stripped-Miss-Britain-title-having-sex-TV.html#ixzz4ByU5yQUP
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3647990/Zara-Holland-breaks-Love-Island-stripped-Miss-Britain-title-having-sex-TV.html#ixzz4ByT2CAcd
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

transfiguration doesn’t come upon us   it comes from within us
–The Church Commission was founded on my fifteenth birthday.
“I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.”
Sexually Victimized since the seventies
MRI is a simple technique where they broadcast radio waves into a persons atoms and subatomic particles, causing those particles to broadcast radio waves to receiving antenna. This technique is used from space satellites and over the horizon radar to warrantlessly spy on Americans in their homes. As such the government obtains plenty of videos of us fucking and masturbating, and this is what we look like when the MRI through the wall scan is done:
More at:   http://www.oregonstatehospital.net/

New Intel CPUs Have NSA Exploitable Secret Hidden Backdoor

New Intel CPUs come with a hidden backdoor that can allow hackers or the NSA to control your computer remotely even while PC is turned off.

(I hardly think that’s new.)

Vatican offers ‘time off purgatory’ to followers of Pope Francis tweets

“Papal court handling pardons for sins says contrite Catholics may win ‘indulgences’ by following World Youth Day on Twitter”

Read more: WHAT REALLY HAPPENED | The History The US Government HOPES You Never Learn! http://www.whatreallyhappened.com/#ixzz4C0D8yEym

Image result for gwen tower locations
Patrick Henry
The Ground-Wave Emergency 
Network (GWEN) System

“Between 1980 and 1984 I was in England, and I got to see some illustrations of how some of this technology actually works. During this period, there were a lot of protests, sit-ins and demonstrations by Greenpeace and many other groups against the deployment of Cruise missiles, especially at Greenham Common, which was south of where I was located. In 1983 and 1984 there was a very large presence of military police at the base when the Cruise missiles arrived. Around mid-1984 this presence diminished considerably, and some of the protesters who were outside the base started claiming that they were being irradiated from the base because of physical problems they were unable to link to any other source. This was reported in Electronics Today magazine in 1985. The symptoms ranged from skin burns to headaches, drowsiness, menstrual bleeding at abnormal times, bouts of temporary paralysis, faulty speech coordination, and in one case circulatory failure severe enough to require hospitalization. Such a complex series of symptoms fits well with severe EM field exposure. The Ministry Of Defence (MOD) denied that any harmful electromagnetic signal was being used against the women, but did not deny that an electromagnetic signal may be in use which, if below lOmW/cm2, would not, under UK guidelines, be officially acknowledged as harmful. In other words, they lied.”

See more at:   http://educate-yourself.org/dc/gwentowersbybyronweeks.shtml


BUMP TO THE TOP, from June, 2015:

(Another thing I’d really like to know is how I find so many four-leaf clovers.  Are they everywhere and the NSA just digitizes the ground I’m looking at and then focuses me in on one?  Or does God sprout them just for me? That one morning when I found thirty in fifteen minutes I was almost certain he was creating them right in front of my eyes.  I’d like to know about that.  I’d like to know if the cyber-stalkers can see when I scrape a smashed bug from my computer screen if the camera’s not on, or do they only watch my keystrokes and curser?  They can tell what I type by the sounds of the keys and they can tell if it‘s me a number of ways.  I’d like to see what they see and meet those others who could not be brain-washed.  I suppose it‘s inevitable that I do…we’ll be the only ones left!)

“By simply adding on the desired modulation patterns, the Soviets can now pump material directly into the mind-brain-consciousness-life loops of the entrained brains.  The weapon implications are enormous:  raw emotion such as sheer terror or panic can be transmitted; death or disease patterns of all kinds can be transmitted; informational content (thoughts and ideas) can be impressed directly into the captured brains and minds and processed as if originating inside each brain itself.  Indeed, as long as the Soviets keep the effects rather gentle, an entire population can be subtly influenced without governmental notice.  Certain specific ELF frequencies can rapidly disable or even kill, and for wartime use those frequencies can be directly implanted in the captured brains themselves by the woodpecker signals.  It appears that 1984 came a little early, and one can perhaps now understand Brezhnev’s strange 1975 proposal to the SALT negotiations that we should also consider outlawing the development of new weapons more frightful than the mind of man has ever conceived.”  (Lt Col Tom Bearden) 


5:58 pm

I picked a nice large 4-leaf clover and taped it to an envelope for a lady who brought me some rhubarb.  I also bought a couple lottery tickets and put them in the envelope.  She plays the lottery all the time.  It’s really nice that the mayor’s store is open again; I can bring food to people again.  Day before yesterday I brought molten chocolate cake and ice cream to the guy who helped me set up the website three years ago.  I told him then, that he would see a miracle.  I don’t think he’s seen one yet.  I’m glad he’s back in the neighborhood.  He’s a great cashier and also a very good motorbike rider.

5:55 pm

So what is the real goal of watch-listing innocent Americans you might ask?

There are several:

1) To sabotage the lives of individuals who are considered to be “subversive.”
2) To gradually increase Deep State control over all segments of society.
3) To generate revenue for private security companies.

Because the contractors operate within the shadows in a covert fashion, watch-listed individuals (a.k.a. – Targeted Individuals) often have no recourse, especially since their names also reside on Regional Data Fusion Center networks, which are accessed by local and state police.

“The sentiment within the Deep State is that domestic terrorists should be eliminated via any gradual and untraceable means necessary.”

-SEE MORE AT:   https://www.intellihub.com/covert-stalking-america-national-security-racketeering-network-exposed/

I went to Manistique to get some Tinactin for Isaac.  Before I went I took a kayak ride and washed up in the lake.  I have beef and peppers on the stove.  It‘ll be nice thick gravy in a couple hours and it‘s very spicy.  I usually serve rice with it but today I’m going to bake some potatoes I think.

Narcissism Why do Narc Mothers hate their Daughters?

“I’ve seen this pretty clearly.”

The garden was finally tilled a few days ago; the guy was over two weeks late.  George is mowing grass instead of addressing the garden.  Again.  The neighbor has an old plow truck for sale and I know he takes really good care of things.  I suggested to George that this might be a good purchase since we could do our own plowing and also my sons or I could maybe occasionally pick up twenty dollars plowing somebody else.  George bought two jump-ropes yesterday.  There is not much more room for exercise equipment and empty boxes.  I stay in my bedroom all the time. When I’m not picking clovers or doing dishes anyway.  George heard I picked 35 clovers this morning and got impressed.  After twenty-five years of trying I finally learned how.  When we were first targeted (to my knowledge) I begged him to move away so we could start over.  He said no.  I guess that’s obvious.


I don’t think Isaac recognizes what he did.  When he turned me over to the government, he committed treason against the revolution.  He can’t be trusted.

Not only that, the person he turned over to the government…was his own mom.

I don’t think also he understands that his grandpa paid the devil for the wee bairn’s soul and attempted to collect.  I am/have been the only thing between impressionable youth and the deep, dark sea of narcissistic self-deception.  Grandpa wants him.  (Or at least he did.  Maybe by now the old man recognizes what I told him repeatedly:  “ISAAC IS NOT EVER GONNA BE A ‘JUNIOR EXECUTIVE'”.  I do not say that from any sense or expectation of control; if Isaac believes that allowing Grandpa to control his life is his destiny, then I’m out of the way.)

  (But.  It isn’t.)

I bet he dreams about grandpa like I used to do.   Soon he will recognize that if he is uncomfortable here it is not because of anything I might do.  His discomfort is because our family and its life-progression has been snagged by a psychopath and it is the son, not the mother, who is expected to leave the marital home.  It‘s even in the Bible.  My dad messed with us a whole lot of ways and I’m sure there are many I am not smart enough to yet understand.  But I learn every day don’t I?  Loving adults can share a house.  They can even disagree and still behave as loving adults.  In my father’s home only one person’s opinion ever mattered.  I’m so very glad not to be my mother.


11:20 am

I picked 9 more clovers.

10:36 am

I picked 8 more 4-leaf clovers.

10:07 am


9:38 am

(Both true prophets and false prophets are being raised up.)
“Humility and the meekness of Jesus characterizes David’s lifestyle in person, while walking in an uncommon boldness and authority when serving the Lord.”

“Standing in front of me was the man I’d heard about as a little boy my entire life.  I had heard about this man from my father and mother, and was taught that He died on the cross for my sins and rose again on the third day from the dead.  He still was not truly real to me, only a religious opinion.  He was just someone my parents told me about because of their religious beliefs.  Then, out of nowhere, there He was standing in front of me, face-to-face.  As He stood in front of me, His very presence exuded and emanated such gentleness; a pureness and kindness beyond this world.  It was ecstasy!  For the first time, I was standing in front of Jesus.  My whole being felt Him.  You can imagine the ecstasy I felt.  It was a feeling of intense glory!  It’s like wherever He stands… He fills the very atmosphere, air and molecules all around you.  Even the atoms inside your very body and being respond to Him. It was total ecstasy, indescribable, blistering with ecstatic eruption! My whole being felt like it was caught up into Heaven. The very atoms in my body made me feel like I was about to explode! Currents of  electricity went through me!”

He Was All Glorious And Powerful
“Standing in front of me was an awesome man, handsome and perfect in stature. He was just a little taller than me about 6 feet or more, the perfect height of a normal man.   As I gazed upon Him I saw that the color of His hair was sandy-brownish and parted at the top, coming over the sides of His face, down His shoulders in waves. The natural words of my vocabulary fail to describe how awesome He was then and how He is presently today!”


I do not believe that God wants us to become discouraged by always looking at the negative things that are going on in this country in an unbalanced way. I believe that the Lord wants us to also look and find the good things that He has done with this country in a godly healthy perspective. The scripture confirms this in Philippians 4:8 that God wants our minds to think on the good report of things and not the negative. 

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Phillippians 4:8

The Good Report about America

These are just some of the few things that God has used
America to do throughout history.

Multitudes of missionaries have come out of this country and 
1. have been sent all around the world. 
America has provided for many immigrants, a place of freedom 
2. and refuge from famine, disease, hunger, war, starvation and a place of safety from the abuse of dictatorship.
America has provided a place where the nations of the world 
3. can see their dreams come alive by being able to pursue them through the liberty that reigns in this land. 
God has raised America to prominence, riches and wealth.
4.    The goodness of God shows throughout this whole country in 5.
5.     that we have been so blessed as compared to other third world countries.
We were the first country to allow such a freedom and liberty with 
6. justice for all.
Most of all God has provided a land where by we can be free with 
7. liberty to serve and worship Him alone.

More (much more) at:   http://www.joshuamediaministries.org/about/biography

LOL: Pastor Fails Miserably When Interviewed By Court About How He Spends The Ministry’s Funds! Must Watch, It’s Unbelievable!

9:09 am


I drank coffee and swatted mosquitoes.

8:32 am

I’m getting jerked around, I know, but how?  I really need to know.  Is this Mandela come to call?  Who is creating this reality that I need only believe in order to attain?  It’s pretty cool.  Is it anti-matrix?  I gotta know.
I would not be appreciating this nearly as much if I had not been tortured and therefore familiarized (a bit) with TORTURE capabilities.  I have a zillion questions.
The second-highest vibration is (supposedly) gratitude.
The highest is love.
We should vibrate together.
Or at least in harmony.
All of this matrix will burn so we must transcend
and that requires conscious choice.
And they’re removing our consciousness
at night while we sleep
in REM mode.
(I can’t imagine what I’m saying wrong.  
It’s hard to reed my own words
and know that others reed them
without alarm.)  
I need a LOT MORE anointing of HOLY GHOST.
Time is running out. “Time is running backward [even] and SO IS THE BRIDE.”  (Dylan)
Cloud-based counseling.  I’m loving the new age.  I’m hearing what I need to know just in time to address the next revelation of my history and its reverberations.  I’m changing the frequency but I have to listen to each note separately.  I don’t hyper ventilate. Everybody condemned me and nobody would help me but the ‘great cloud of witnesses’ stepped in.  I don’t blame the cyborgs for wanting a hive-mind.  You’re never lonely with imaginary friends.  Also, you’re never as stupid as you would be alone.  I can’t wait to be perfect because then I’ll have to consider a lot of things.
Robin Williams said that he used to think the worst thing was being alone.  But then he said the worst thing actually was being with people who made you feel alone.  He wasn’t quite right:  The very worst thing is being around people who make you wish you were alone!

8:06 am

“If you’re doing a reshoot it’s no longer improvisation.”  (Random)
Man, have I known some pitiful pansy-ass men.  My dad set me up for that and I’ll bless him forever because it made me a good woman.  Throw me a scrap and I’ll roll over.  Oh, my dad was a very bad man on that other timeline.  He was a TERRIBLE man and so was his brother.  THEY BOTH ARE MISOGONYSTIC control-freaks who sacrifice their own children on the alter of self-validation.  The boys go up in a cloud of frustrated rhinestone dust and the girls eat themselves from the inside out.
I supported that perversity with my own sweat and backside and I do repent.  I took the brunt of everything therefore I ENABLED THEIR VILE JUDGMENT.  When my sister became pregnant at sixteen and my parents were doing Brazil for the winter…I learned about her pregnancy through a ventilation grate between my ear and her confession to our brother.  I was twenty-two.  She said:  “AND NOW I’M PREGNANT…JUST LIKE LINDA WANTED.”  
My entire frigging family cursed me every single day!  I was a GREAT SLAVE and I could even cook!  I LOVE TRUTH!!
How’s this Apocalypse going for the rest of y’all?
I DO love you and I heartily appreciate you hanging in here with me for so long.  I’m going to throw the biggest party and we’ll laugh a lot.  
Thank you for all of this.  
Linda, the Random

7:39 am

‘Terrible Tim’ Rifat Taken By 
Put In Mental Hospital 
I have received word from Tim’s associate who was told by Tim’s family that he was taken from his residence just before his scheduled appearance on our program of Tuesday, 6-14-16.

I was informed he was taken to a MENTAL HOSPITAL and is being held as someone who is ‘mentally ill’.  I have no idea what kind of treatment is being forced on him or what his near-term status is.

“He has a remarkably accurate view of the world and many of his forecasts have been spot-on…”
“There are also many who don’t care for his views and opinions …and that’s fine…”

The War on Stupid People

American society increasingly mistakes intelligence for human worth.

People who’d swerve off a cliff rather than use a pejorative for race, religion, physical appearance, or disability are all too happy to drop the s‑bomb: Indeed, degrading others for being “stupid” has become nearly automatic in all forms of disagreement.
Other analyses suggest that each IQ point is worth hundreds of dollars in annual income—surely a painful formula for the 80 million Americans with an IQ of 90 or below.

Cannabidiol (CBD): The Cat’s Out of the Bag with This Cure-All

Cannabinoids aren’t just found in the cannabis plant. They’re also found somewhere closer to home: you! That’s right: the human body itself has an entire system which utilizes cannabinoids. It is known as the endocannabinoid system (“endo” is from a Greek word meaning “within”). In this way, we can distinguish among endocannabinoids (those produced by the human body), phytocannabinoids (those produced by the cannabis plant) and synthetic cannabinoids (the approximately 17 synthetic versions produced by the pharmaceutical cartel). Synthetic cannabinoids, by the way, are Big Pharma’s way of trying to pirate and cash in on Nature by modifying or isolating a natural chemical or compound, making it slightly different to its natural state, getting a patent, then marketing it as a drug with a governmentally enforced monopoly. Some synthetic cannabinoids (such as K2, spice, marinol, etc.) have been taken off the market due to their dangerous nature, but after all, they are part of the Big Pharma business plan, and the greater New World Order synthetic agenda, so what do you expect?

Read more at:   http://www.zengardner.com/cannabidiol-cbd-cats-bag-cure/

Just think of all the things proven true in the past five years!  No wonder people are going to drop dead for fear.  If they haven’t been keeping up I suspect their gray matter may not be even physically able to receive all the new facts.  I know that if I had not spent years studying weirdness, this present weirdness would be very unsettling.  Not much of what we’ve been taught had any basis at all in Truth.  

If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?  (Psalm 11:3)

Pope Francis says Catholic marriages are invalid

Who the hell is this demon?  
Is his ‘church’ so powerless that they can’t even do one of their own sacraments right?
‘I know, let’s blame it on the flock!’
“Then, if they give us more money we’ll tell them a DIFFERENT FORMULA…  We’ll tell them it’s the RIGHT ONE this time…”
(“And also, with all our SHEEP  living in FAILED CATHOLIC UNIONS they won’t be able to point fingers at us ‘priests’ who are too ‘holy’ for marriage and so  instead we RAPE ALTAR BOYS.“)

Luis “HODOR” Burbano in “Shooting Up” by Spirit Of Orlando – Orlando Pulse Shooting Hoax

I don’t know why anybody goes to the movies anymore.
Real life is become more incredible.
God said I would laugh like a child.  At the time it was hard to believe but I forced myself.  I am now convinced that my observations about ‘stories’ were spot-on.  I’m loving stories.  Also, I’m laughing pretty hard.
The Saga of Adam Driver
From Marine Grunt To Star Wars Villain: A Conversation With Adam Driver

War wasn’t in the cards for Lance Cpl. Driver. So he made his way to The Juilliard School in New York City to study drama. Meanwhile, the Marines he had spent the last few years training with deployed to Iraq. But they stayed in touch

“They were like, ‘Wait, what the fuck are you doing? Wearing pajamas and dancing all day?’” Driver recalled in an interview with Task & Purpose. “And I’m like, ‘Uh, yeah, but it’s the foxtrot.’”

Driver quickly established himself as a heavyweight in New York’s hipster-oriented acting scene, mastering the persona of the brooding anti-hero who understands poetry, but can still kick your ass in a fistfight. It’s hard to imagine anyone else playing Kylo Ren.

 “Everyone kept telling me that theater really didn’t fit the military demographic. So, really, more than anything, anger spurred this nonprofit. “

What are you hoping the service members in the audience are getting out of these performances?

I can only speak for myself and what people have said to us afterwards, like, “I’ve never gone to see a play,” or “plays are too expensive,” or “I didn’t know theater was like this.” Our material isn’t military-themed. We stay away from that to really highlight the human struggles we all share…

And also, the way that we do it, how it’s very pared down — not sets, no costumes, no lights, just reading the material — shows the military audience that there doesn’t need to be this huge artifice. There doesn’t need to be a theater. They can do it anywhere.


And then there are people who approach us afterwards and are like, “I never thought, being from where I’m from, that this is something I’d ever be exposed to.”

Transitioning out of the military is a mindfuck anyways, so to go into a structured school setting was really helpful. To go from one intense, structured institution into another was a good transition for me. 

…I was used to talking to infantry Marines, where there’s a sort of shorthand and a roughness to communicating with each other. You’re also so jealous of civilians who didn’t decide to go to the military after high school. You always imagine them having a great time in college — you know, doing drugs and meeting girls and all of this stuff that you’re not doing in the military. I felt a sense of entitlement because I had gone through this thing and these nasty civilians were so lazy…

They’re just like some PFC or lance corporal they grabbed and were like, “Shave these fucking heads.” And one of them shaved a mole off someone’s head, and he started bleeding and screaming. So everyone in line starts subtly touching their heads to check to see if they had any stray moles they forgot about. And of course there’s some drill instructor yelling, “Don’t touch your fucking heads!”

See more:   http://taskandpurpose.com/marine-grunt-star-wars-villain-conversation-adam-driver/


They wanna give a PURPLE HEART to a guy for going out to a gay club in Florida!

He wasn’t killed in selfless battle…he was killed in the pursuit of happiness.

Why The Soldier Killed In Orlando Could Receive A Purple Heart

“The fact that Brown was off duty and out of uniform may still factor into the Army’s decision to award him a Purple Heart, however. Regardless, the Army will likely not be able to rule on the issue until police investigations have ended.”
“If you’re doing a reshoot it’s no longer improvisation.”  (Random)