Monthly Archives: January 2016

2:17 pm

This guy gets it.  I don’t know whether he’s right about everything, but I know he’s following Truth so eventually he WILL NECESSARILY BE RIGHT.  My brethren are those who love truth.  I’m not related to those who love rules.

A KEY – It OPENS an ORACLE upon Earth – Please consider with Open Mind- 14

(I think he’s right.  Actually, I mostly KNOW he’s right.)
2:27 pm
I’m doing exactly what my stripper-friend told me I was doing when we were incarcerated together.  I was planning to see her today but her phone has been disconnected.  She told me, in the joint, that every time I spoke about my faith I looked over my shoulder.  I’m alone in the house just now, and I’m worshipping Jesus and I keep looking toward the door.  I have been persecuted for my faith and the effects persist.  I prayed with probably twenty people during my incarceration.  I’m not even kidding, I was so afraid of being locked up.  I read about the gulag and the stasi and I was scared shitless all my life.  James Clavell and WWII.  Siberia and One flew over the cukoo’s nest.  I’ve always lived in fear of school.  God, school is a really horrible reality for a lot of people.  We must change these things.

12:07 pm

This song is the very best song in the universe today.  Today, this song is my song.

You’re My Glory

…and the lifter of my head.


5:07 am
My parents sent a birthday gift:  a hundred dollars and some decent  perfume, silver earrings.  I kept it, and Isaac hand-delivered a thank-you note.

Turn the Key with Praying in Tongues

God told this guy how to fix his truck, step-by-step.  Henry Gruver crawled under concertina wife on the Lebanon border.  He said Jesus kept telling him what foot to move and when to lower his tail and/or head.   This is a beautiful man with a pertinent message.

Neville Johnson – A Prophecy of Jesus in Psalm 110

If you gotta die, why not make it a great death?
Prayer of Proclamation:
Father, we thank You and praise You that as we keep our eyes “fixed” on Jesus [Your Word] we can know [have a deep assurance] that YOU [by the Holy Spirit] will reveal whatever we “need” to know concerning what the Enemy has done to us in the past – and what he is planning both in the present and the future. Therefore, we boldly proclaim that NO weapon formed against us shall prosper [or is prospering], and we set ourselves to keep our eyes on the absolute truths [principles] of the Kingdom – knowing that, as we do, whatever revelation of the Enemy’s works [schemes] we “need to know” will continually be made evident to us – and we declare all of these things DONE, in the Name of Jesus.
“…constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another;”
See more at:
5:07 am
My parents sent a birthday gift:  a hundred dollars and some decent  perfume, silver earrings.  I kept it, and Isaac hand-delivered a thank-you note.

Turn the Key with Praying in Tongues

God told this guy how to fix his truck, step-by-step.  Henry Gruver crawled under concertina wife on the Lebanon border.  He said Jesus kept telling him what foot to move and when to lower his tail and/or head.   This is a beautiful man with a pertinent message.

Neville Johnson – A Prophecy of Jesus in Psalm 110

If you gotta die, why not make it a great death?
Prayer of Proclamation:
Father, we thank You and praise You that as we keep our eyes “fixed” on Jesus [Your Word] we can know [have a deep assurance] that YOU [by the Holy Spirit] will reveal whatever we “need” to know concerning what the Enemy has done to us in the past – and what he is planning both in the present and the future. Therefore, we boldly proclaim that NO weapon formed against us shall prosper [or is prospering], and we set ourselves to keep our eyes on the absolute truths [principles] of the Kingdom – knowing that, as we do, whatever revelation of the Enemy’s works [schemes] we “need to know” will continually be made evident to us – and we declare all of these things DONE, in the Name of Jesus.
“…constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another;”
See more at:

“A brother may not be a friend, but a friend will always be a brother.” — Benjamin Franklin

Activists Push for Immediate State Action to Fix Flint’s Toxic Water System

Read more: WHAT REALLY HAPPENED | The History The US Government HOPES You Never Learn!

1:23  pm
“There are three classes of people, those who see, those who see when they are shown and those who don’t see.”  –Leonardo da Vinci
They let me out of the psych ward.  I didn’t go outdoors for sixteen days… I didn’t even wear shoes for ten. After ingesting sufficient psychotropic drugs, I was deemed well enough to go on an outing for ice cream, and then to return to my sons’ house.  While incarcerated, I was asked the same question every day, by multiple professionals:  “Do you see things that are not there?”  Well first of all, if I did, how would I possibly know it?  If I saw anything I would be quite reasonably sure that it was there, so I always said no.  What they should ask is:  “Do you see things that WE DO NOT SEE.”  Again.  How in the WORLD would I know that?  Their question should be:  “Do you see things unseen by [however much percent] of other people?”     Reality-by-consensus is pretty lame, but that’s really what they want us ‘psychotics’ to adopt.  How pitiful we who see more, we more-abled-specimens…are controlled by those with lesser abilities.   Sadly, not only are we arbitrarily CHOOSING reality…we’re doing so based on the lowest common denominator.  Our species is striving to be the least we can be.
I’d dearly love to ask the psychiatrist about what he sees.  He didn’t want to see me pray; with the current blooming of noetic science I thought he might;  what if he doesn’t see all the things that actually are?  He is likely to miss a thing since  it’s HIS observation and bias that determine what things do exist.  How self-validating it must be to DECIDE for others those  things that are and are not real.  Psychiatrists may even label a subjectively determined ‘false’ belief to be disease based on no evidence at all!  This is power that should not rest on a single pair of shoulders, but also, it is not science.  The empirical methodologies are utterly ignored and psychiatry is a religion of self-righteous witchcraft and the poor shrinks are unlikely to ever see anything  more than they do today.  I’m missing about a third of my vocabulary.  “God have mercy on all doctors.  Thank you.”
 I was subjected to my three biggest fears all at once:  1) incarceration in a psych ward, 2) taking mind-altering medications, and 3) being in the system.  The doctor said I shouldn’t work so I’ve applied for disability and food stamps.  It feels very wrong  but I don’t know if that’s principle or pride.
It’s intellectually lazy to allow others to determine reality for us. Also, reality-realization is a pretty personal-responsibility concept.  “Don’t compromise yourself.  It’s all you got.”  (Janis Joplin)

‘He deprived me of my family, childhood, friends and love… but I FORGIVE him’: Daughter of cult leader who kept her as a slave for THIRTY YEARS describes her ordeal as her ‘narcissist psychopath’ father is sentenced to die in jail

  • Aravindan Balakrishnan, 75, subjected followers to horrific sexual assaults
  • He kept his daughter locked away for 30 years until she finally escaped  
  • Maoist cult leader was found guilty of six counts of indecent assault and four counts of rape last month after a three week trial
  • Daughter Katy Morgan-Davies, 33, was kept like a ‘caged bird’ and was not told her mother was cult devotee Sian Davies, who died in 1996
I dodged diagnosis for a good long run;  now that I got one I can relax… and submit the following verse written by my eldest.  The younger quit his job today, after six months of reflection.  He says it’s so boring that sometimes his blood pressure drops.  He’s going to study Swedish again.  They are watching a video course about the bond market, on Friday evening,  with youthful hormones pumping through their…brains.  They’re pretty bright.  Can you imagine how smart they’d be if they hadn’t been raised by a crazy lady?
A vision recorded by Isaac:

Senators Stabenow, Peters and Congressman Kildee Announce Legislation to Help Flint Families

Legislation provides emergency funding to replace and fix the City of Flint’s pipes, creates a Center to focus on immediate and long-term needs of children and adults exposed to lead Legislation also requires mandatory EPA action if a state refuses to warn the public about unsafe water, gives state flexibility to use funding to help forgive water infrastructure loans

Read more at:

“Everything Is Dying” Wildlife Is Gone “Methane Gas Leak

When the ambulance came for me, Isaac said, “This isn’t gonna be a good day for you, mom.”  I spent all day in the emergency room and was then driven by the sheriff’s team behind chicken wire through some breezy snow to the psych ward on the fifth floor, in Marquette. I had an attorney but at the end I decided not to protest the hospitalization, so I signed away three months wherethrough they might incarcerate me should I fail to obey orders.  I was VERY DISAPPOINTED in God, that he had let it get so far before He claimed me.
 I considered the Biblical principle of submission to captivity.  I remembered that I was a prisoner only of GOD and not the human parties.  I expected HIM to make things right so I wouldn’t be abducted and medicated.  I was threatened with morphine when I refused to have my blood pressure taken on the day of my abduction.  I was threatened with long-term incarceration before I submitted.   I told the psychiatrist I’d do whatever he said.  I pray for him.  I saw him having dinner one time, at a restaurant,  only my body wasn’t there.  I wonder if he saw me too.  I wanted to not be declared defective BECAUSE I CLAIM JESUS’ NAME ALL THE TIME AND HE SHOULD HAVE A BETTER-LOOKING REPRESENTATIVE.  Then I figured, if Jesus needs me to defend him, He’s not God.  So I just opened my mouth and swallowed.   Besides, I REALLY DID WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS SENSORY-DEPRIVED HOUSE.  It was great to be around some people.  Isaac and Josh did me a favor.  Aren’t they amazing?

Couple Living in an RV in Winter & Living in a Van in Summer

It’s not looking so good, for me to get on disability although the Dr. told me not to work for a while.  George won’t divulge his finances,  and since we live together the presumption is that we are living as man and wife.  We can create affidavits of mutual conjugal repulsion, but they won’t believe it.  Without disability I’ll have a real hard time getting an apartment.  But, one of my friends from the psych unit said I can sleep on her couch, and I figure I’m not likely  to get hooked on  heroin after all these years.  What’s a girl to do?  My father is a millionaire and I owe 180 thousand dollars for an education that his slander ensured that I am not authorized to use.  I’m getting food stamps. I withhold comment.  I really really don’t want to write about him anymore.  The psych ward was far saner.
Isaac asks, “Who needs revenge when you can have just amends?   and lots of money?”
(Pretty soon here, we’re gonna see some smart folks slapping their knees.    The really smart ones might also hoot, they’ll say, ‘Dang!  I knew she was right.  I said it all along.’)

“If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen!” — Samuel Adams

Read more: WHAT REALLY HAPPENED | The History The US Government HOPES You Never Learn!

Eco-tourism, organic farming.  We could make some money here and connect with real people.  Yoga studio up the road.  Take a sauna; go for a swim in the lake.  Isaac would like the lands he owns to require relinquishment of US dollars at the border.  Josh is researching the difficulty of creating a private currency.
I apologize for my unannounced hiatus.


6:13 am

Fukushima Warning : Ian Goddard & James Corbett WHOI UVic Jan 11th 2015

6:07 am
God is pretty funny.  Here I am trying to establish healthy self-esteem for the first time in my life…and I am opposed by those I love.  Don’t you think that’s funny?  Why am I not permitted to demand truth and even some nurturing attention?  I can’t believe the things I hear…and it’s even HARDER TO BELIEVE THE THINGS I DON’T.  My parents and my brother go to church every week and tell other people how to live, but they have denied me comfort…or even an audience…for SEVEN YEARS!  “Dear Lord. Thank you for showing me that I needed to stand up for myself and my little family.  PLEASE HELP ME PERSIST because I’m very tired and very lonely.  Please bless US ALL WITH TRUTH.  Then bless me with some rest?  Could I please help my friend in Belgium somehow?  Could I please have SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO?  Please, remove this bleakness from my mindset. I know it only requires a touch from you and everything looks perfect.  Please, change me more?  Nobody thinks I’m worth anything yet.  Make me like you.  Amen.”

5:39 am

I sent a text to my mom and my brother.  It said ‘James 4:17’.

“Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.”


11:40 pm
I am so grateful.  George gave me a chance to be not wrong.  Isaac wouldn’t offer that chance.  Josh would rather strike me in a heartbeat.  George said he remembered when we moved from Lansing.  He said he remembers how Dad’s schedule controlled our packing, and our move.  He remembers that I was very pregnant.  He remembers that we slept on the floor that night.  He remembers that I failed the bar exam the next day.  Tonight He wrote a note to my dad:  “Did you do that on purpose?”  (His words may have been a bit different, but that was the gist.)  I am very grateful.  George GAVE ME A CHANCE.  His sons won’t. They demand that I be the problem that makes their family unpleasant.  But, one day they will know how much their mother loved them…and HOW MUCH MORE SHE LOVED TRUTH.  “Thank you Lord that George is AT LEAST WILLING TO GIVE ME A CHANCE.  Please Lord, George and I always wanted to please you.  Please, give George truth?  And let his sons NEVER SETTLE FOR GOLDTHORPE-LIES or any other.  Amen.  But also, my brother is not the kind of man that our father is.  Please have mercy on him?  Give him TRUTH EVEN IF HE DOESN’T WANT IT…because…you and I both know he really does…he wants TRUTH…because Truth is You…and he loves you. Thank you.  Amen.”

9:25 pm

I haven’t been to a movie since Avatar came out.  I don’t deserve movies.  That’s what DAD AND DAVID AND MOM taught my sons.

9:19 pm

I can’t sleep because it feels like my insides are jumping around.  My sons took their father to a movie.  They spend a lot of time making him feel OK because they think I am too harsh because I was nearly murdered by my father and it still bothers me a bit and I get annoyed at my ex-husband who never gave a shit what happened to his family.  I hope he enjoys the movie.  I haven’t been to a movie since Avatar.    I’ll probably make crumpets tomorrow.  I hope I can sleep some tonight.  –My brother could ease my mind a lot, and encourage my sons that Christ is real, and give us all peace.  I hope he will.

8:45 pm

7:25 pm
Hey David.  I was just sitting here feeling terrible about all the things I’ve posted.  But then I loved you even more than you know.  And then I wanted to stand up with my hair on fire.  I do not discount your value.  Not a single bit.  I have always loved you and you used to know that.  Remember when I got Dad’s Cadillac stuck in the Soo?  I mean you ONLY THE BEST and our father is a LIAR FROM HELL AND YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT!!! You know I’m too weak to speak poorly of anybody if I AM NOT RIGHT.  Dearest brother, my only POSSIBLE conduit to a lifestyle that I have chosen to abandon:  DON’T BELIEVE DAD.  Instead, believe the Bible. 
Don’t you tell all those prisoners to whom you preach, that they ought to believe the BIBLE?  BUT YOU DON’T EVEN BELIEVE IT YOURSELF…

Chuck Berry – My Ding-A-Ling

“Then Mama took me to grammar school…”

7:12 pm

Hey David, did Grandma ever play with your ding-a-ling? Did Dad?

“I AM STILL WAITING.”  I’ve sent him the same message dozens of times!  I’ve been sending it ever since the day he told me he knew how/that I was tortured.  ,My texts to my brother always say:  “I AM STILL WAITING.”  That statement  refers to an ancient email where I reminded him that DAD STOLE MY LIFE AND I WAS WAITING TO GET IT BACK. He knew then, and he knows it now.  Wow.  That was  a LONG TIME AGO.  God is VERY MERCIFUL…because my dad and my mom and my brother  ARE STILL ALIVE.  (So to speak.)
 I am not a child, therefore I COULD NEVER expect a Baptist to actually follow Jesus Christ himself.   How impossible would that be?   Baptists don’t even believe in the HOLY GHOST!     But, now my rich-fake-ass brother must decide if he will follow…at the VERY LEAST most MINIMAL definition of what NOT TRUE CHRISTIANS but those who make their living by PRETENDING TO BE CHRISTIANS would know they MUST DO.  Like not TOTALLY IGNORING  the TEACHINGS JESUS GAVE US.  Otherwise he will (as usual…) default into subservience to our psychopathic father, who has been somewhat KINDER TO HIM, but who still remains: MY BROTHER’S ABUSER, AND MY MOTHER’S ABUSER AND THE ABUSER OF ALL MY IN-LAWS AND also he is the pitiful fake-man WHO JUST ALWAYS REMAINS:  AN ABUSER of PEOPLE LOVED BY JESUS.    MY BROTHER cannot be a fake Christian anymore.  None of us has that luxury.  Some of us never did.
POSTING THIS if I am permitted, on 1/11/16 at 7:07 pm
OK.  I am not going to send the text.  If God wants David to reed my message, David will reed my message.  Then he should  buy me a decent phone.

4:30 pm

Still no call from my ‘Christian’ family.  I’ve been emailing all day.  Again.  Here’s the caption of the last one:  My grandmother was obsessed with little girl’s genitals. Every night (I stayed there a lot…)…


 I don’t necessarily want to go into all the sordid details of my life as the scapegoat child of a fake-Christian family who CONTINUES TO INFLUENCE MY FAMILY WITH LIES…but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.  I love my grandma a lot, she was the only adult who actually noticed me, but she was perverted.  I expect she would agree now, and support my efforts to get this family right.  



(Besides, for my dad to be such a flaming psychopath…his mom was probably a major negative  issue.  I hope I don’t have to learn about all that stuff.)




Narcissist Needs Pity

Why does he make these videos?  He says it is so somebody might say:   “That’s the same symptoms I have.  That’s exactly the way my mother treated me!”
“They project their mental illness on YOU AND THEN TELL THE WORLD ABOUT IT.  But, they still want the pity…”
My folks are classic:  
Golden-child’s children:  “David’s kid is:  ice skating, playing football, making music, smiling without drooling, etc.”
Scapegoat’s children:  “Linda’s kids are defective because…well, we’ll also TRY TO USE THEM to draw attention to ourselves in the manner we’ve PROJECTED LINDA…”   (But, my folks find it really hard to denigrate my exceptional sons…)  (As if anybody gives a shit what they might make up to whine about.)
“They’re incredibly ill…and they know they’re ill.  They need that pity.  Don’t fall into that trap.  Get the hell away.  Stay away…Peace.”
1:06 pm
I sent this email,  with copies to my witnesses.   Maybe Dad will come talk to me…with his checkbook…
Dad, your mother sexually molested me and you know it.  Wanna talk about it?
9:22 am
I’m glad I quit smoking.  Isaac says every time you smoke a cigarette God takes five hours of your life and gives them to Keith Richards.  Dad is plowing the driveway.  I went outside and gave him a bag of chocolate chip cookies and said, “Thank you very much.”  Dad also said, “Thank you.”  It was almost like normal people.


Read more: WHAT REALLY HAPPENED | The History The US Government HOPES You Never Learn!

My president wants to retire in Dubai?  Didn’t we give him good enough vacations here-bouts?  I guess maybe we’ll never know…since he FIRES ANYBODY WHO CROSSES HIM.  (And, that HAS been his track record…)

BREAKING: Top US Admiral Fired For Questioning Obama Purchase Of Mansion In Dubai

Read more: WHAT REALLY HAPPENED | The History The US Government HOPES You Never Learn!

Bill Clinton’s FBI Head Is Called In to Show Bill Clinton ‘Not Present’ at Jeffrey Epstein Underage Sex Orgy
(Is it easier to PROVE A NEGATIVE… if you control entire intelligence agencies?  Lawyer question:  OK, your guy wasn’t at that orgy.  What orgy was he at?)
(My dad is a vet.  He tells us all that our sons should go into the military.  BUT,he didn’t ever tell that to HIS OWN SON– because he NEEDS that token-son to pretend that he is a Christian so BAPTIST IDIOTS will also believe that HE, himself, is a Christian.)  (At one time His SON was not a fake.)  (Seriously.  My brother wasn’t,  at one time; he wasn’t a fake.)

Hey, Daddy!  You just keep paying your taxes…”Go America!  HOO-rah!”

Feds indict first bank that got TARP bail-out money
 (Wait…is it possible to do both of those things?)  (Dad told David that was so. Dogma stands.)  

11:32 am

Message from Belgium:

andrea maria laroche

8:59 AM (32 minutes ago)

to me
Dear Linda ,
please , read the answer on my letter i send to the doctors / and to you/.
What do you think about the answer ?

Linda Goldthorpe <>

9:30 AM (2 minutes ago)

to andrea

“Dear Lord Jesus,”

“Our dear friend needs some help very badly and she asked me to help her communicate her need to some other people who speak different languages than I.  Please, let me recognize anything in her messages that I could help her say in a different way…if that is necessary.  (You could also teach me French if you wanted…)”
“I am without earthly resources to assist her in any way, and that feels terrible.  But you are my best friend and you are the Lion of Judah and the scepter will never pass from Judah… which means ‘praise.’  So, instead of whining to you again about how much I love her and how helpless I feel, I will offer you thanksgiving and praise.  I know that you love her FAR MORE THAN EVEN I do.  I know you had a plan for her life since before the creation of anything.  I know those doctors will also answer to you, as will those wicked people who harm others who have never harmed them.”
“Dear Lord.  Thank you for creating my beautiful friend.  Thank you for letting me meet her.  Thank you for even the evil that has been perpetrated against both of us.  Thank you that NOTHING EVER HAPPENS TO ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN that is not meant for their benefit, and for the benefit of the most people, because you love us all.  (Even the doctors and psychopaths.)  I’d really like to ask you to perform a miracle on my friend’s eye, so that she could be a sign and a wonder for those who ignore her intelligence because their egos are so puffed with bullshit.  Please, give her a tremendous miracle.  Thank you so much for her life!!!  Thank you for her kindness, and for her determination!!  If I had a friend like that at my elbow I’d never sleep;  I wouldn’t need food!  I’d keep plugging away…I’d keep spreading your TRUTH, just as she does.  Love her so much and so tangibly that it doesn’t even matter what happens to her body.  Wait.  I guess you already do that.  Fill her with peace and confidence.”
“We who have been and are tortured do not expect kindness from others,  and our confidence diminishes, even our confidence in you.  Forgive us,  and GIVE YOURSELF SOME GLORY THROUGH OUR LIVES!!  Give Maria absolute peace.  Give her miracles and friendship.  Give her the CONSTANT KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR SUPERNATURAL LOVE AND POWER.  Give her my best regards and my longing to be with her.  I miss her a lot.”
Dad PLOWED MY DRIVEWAY!  And when I went outdoors to say thank-you and to give him the cookies I had pre-packaged for the possibility that he might show up, he said, just like a real-live adult without a single bit of BULLSHIT: ” THANK YOU.”
( I couldn’t be any prouder of an infant.)

7:46 am

I bet my fat body introduces as many BTU’s into the water as a stupid puny lightbulb.  And, maybe if he showed me how to turn it off, I COULD ALSO LEARN HOW TO TURN IT BACK ON WHEN I’M FINISHED?  Just spit-balling here…
Also, illuminating one’s body in a tub of water puts on a great peep-show doesn’t it?  I dislike THAT ASPECT TOO.  (“Forgive me Lord for suggesting that George might watch me out of his bedroom window.  Forgive me for presuming he wouldn’t.   Either way, it’s bad for me to think.’)


7:33 am
Nice try.  I am not permitted to sit in water that is not lit by a tiny lightbulb that somehow is supposed to assist the REALLY GOOD WATER HEATER.  I’ve told him I don’t like  to be immersed in illuminated-linda-flab but that bulb is supposed to ‘SAVE MONEY’.   I’m VERY TIRED OF LIVING WITH AN ANAL-RETENTIVE…
But, this is not my life.  “God forgive me for getting so mad at George when I couldn’t untruss the ridiculous bindings  on the tub and he wouldn’t let me even know how to turn the light off so I could sit there in the dark.  He’s your business and you love him.”
“Isn’t there some place where my preferences could MATTER EVEN A LITTLE BIT?  If not, please give me more grace because I’m sinning every time George opens his mouth.  That’s my problem right, and not his?  Forgive me again.  Please.”
7:06 am
I’m going into the hot tub and it’s seven degrees outside.
“Thank you, Jesus!  I just realized that although I know it well…I HAVEN’T SEEN MY DAD’S  CHARACTERISTIC SMIRK IN SEVERAL YEARS!!!  Please forgive me Lord, (if it’s a sin…) but  I kinda PREFER  SEEING  FEAR instead, on my sperm-doner’s  FACE.  Thank you that he COULD NOT KILL ME.   Thank you that he will NOT EVER HARM ANOTHER PERSON…of those who do not voluntarily submit to his bullshit.  Amen.”

6:47 am

The Smirk on the Face and the Knife in the Back. Betrayal with Condescension and Insults.

“The tell-tale smirk, and the knife in the back.  When a psychopath pulls a fast one on you in a relationship, at work, anywhere, there will be a patronizing, condescending demeanor;  there will be a smirk that goes like this: […].”
[The smirk comes after]  “…a statement like:  ‘Well I deeply regret what’s happened…’  [involuntary smirk]”

6:30 am
6:13 am
5:11 am

Narcissist stare of death

“…never confront a narcissist about anything you have learned…”
“Any damage you may cause to their ‘perfect’ self-image…or narcissist-ego…   will slate you for punishment.  And often you will see the ‘narcissist stare of death’ beforehand…”
“You see, the narcissist has a fragile ego, although they always appear to be right.”
“So what does this stare look like?  Well, It appears as they are looking straight through you.  You see no emotion, no fear.  Nothing.  Just a feeling of pure and utter evil.”
“It’s as if the lights are on…but no one is home.”
(I have recorded my father’s stare numerous times; and also the circumstances surrounding that stare.  When confronted, he DOES NOT EVER BLINK.)
“Now, if you think you are on the receiving end of a smear-campaign, after you have done something to warrant the ‘narcissist’s stare of death’ they will more than likely turn the SMEAR CAMPAIGN INTO OVERDRIVE.”
(I EVEN RECORDED THAT!  Keeping track of dates and times is really helpful.  Dad is so toast.)
“The sad reality is even though many have been on the receiving end of a narcissist’s stare of death, many THAT ARE CO-DEPENDENTS will try to work with this narcissist, try to find out what is wrong with him…and I have to say, this is the WORST THING  IN THE WORLD YOU CAN DO.”
“This could be something you did by accident…and now you are slated for punishment…”

Labyrinth of the Psychopath 4 – Them “Smirking” Eyes…

“A psychopath, male and female, smiles like this…It’s like the Joker from the old Batman cartoon…”
“It’s almost like a painted-on smile but the eyes don’t smile…”
(I’ve noted many times,  that my dad does not laugh.  I’ve recorded his stare.  I’ve noted EVERY SINGLE PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTERISTIC that I’ve SINCE LEARNED ABOUT!)  (Yup.  EVERYSINGLEONE.)


(HEY FAMILY.  DO YOU THINK THAT’S TRUE?  WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO SEE OUR PSYCHOPATHIC NARCISSIST WIFE-ABUSING naked-baby-photographing-babysitter-fucking-son-disabling-daughter-murdering -KNOWLEDGE-deficient and WISDOM- REJECTING ‘father’  BECOME A CHRISTIAN?  Could he?  Is Jesus God?  or not, I guess…)
I AM REGULARLY ASTONISHED THAT MY ‘CHRISTIAN’ FAMILY DOES NOT CARE THAT GRANDPA IS GOING TO OCCUPY A VERY SPECIAL BERTH IN HELL.  MAYBE THEY WANT TO SEE THAT HAPPEN?  (In that case it would really be hard to blame them at all…)  (Stupidity however, is another matter…)
Nobody loves a person who permits him to maintain a false life that harms others.  Dad’s blood may be required at MORE THAN A FEW HANDS.

A Psychopathic Sex Offender – An interview with a real psychopath – Disturbing!

“Robert describes behavior that puts him in the category of POWER AND CONTROL RAPIST,  but doesn’t necessarily tell us that his problems are pervasive,  and that he has no capacity for attachment.”
“If I seen the children doing anything wrong…I would whip them and tell them…I would tell myself, SHE IS NOT GONNA  BE LIKE THAT.”
“I didn’t molest her then…I was grooming her to fit me…I started at about a year…”

4:54 am

4:37 am
Dear Dad,
Hasn’t this all been a hoot?  You and I have traveled a few roads that our significant-others haven’t even googled.  You and I both know what you tried to do..and we both (together with all of my readers…) know how pitifully you failed.  But, the STUPID PLAN can’t be blamed entirely on you.  satan wants us all to suffer and die, and you’ve been licking his boots.  I know that you are deceitful and that you harm others because you feel so much pain yourself.  BUT, you do not extinguish pain by lighting the pain-pyre someplace else.  Pain ONLY LEAVES when we 1) are forgiven FOR LIVING SHITTY LIVES, and 2)  feel ENOUGH love. (Perhaps 2 is contingent on 1.  That would be my most educated guess.)  NEVERTHELESS:  you are no longer PERMITTED to smear your Robert-stink on us.  We are valuable people.  You ARE NOT VALUABLE ENOUGH to HIJACK all of our lives on the remote chance that you might not FEEL LIKE SHIT ANY LONGER.  Jesus could help you there, but not without repentance.  Repentance has no chance to fix any person who CANNOT AND WILL NOT SPEAK THE TRUTH.  Bow now.  Or bow later.  I’ll miss you.  L
4:28 am


4:20 am

Golden Child and Scapegoat Black Sheep: Narcissistic Parent’s Projected Splitting

“…it is at this stage that child abuse like  “emotional incest”.. is heightened…
“…the different treatment meted out by the narcissist becomes a life-long pattern…cast in stone…”
(It’s easy for a SCAPEGOAT to see that her life has been [considered] an accoutrement to somebody else’s whacked self-vision.  It must be a whole lot worse for a Golden Child to wake up one day and realize his entire lauded-life was merely an aspect of his parents’!   That sure puts ‘mama’s boy’ in a whole new light!)

Narcissism The Golden Child’s Abuse

“The narcissist FORCES them to be an extension of themselves…they have HUGE control issues…they are not allowed to be their own individual self.”
“Whether a child is put on a pedestal…or is beaten with it; either way it is abuse.”
(I remember all these years my dad has slandered my brother’s wife, saying she was controlling.  [We all just picked up on it and believed it and I will apologize to her if she ever talks to me.  I know now how he smears reputations falsely.]  He is VERY CUNNING and finds ways to deflect knowledge of his OWN MANIPULATIONS.  Our father sports with us all, and triangulates us against one another for his own amusement.)
[If a Golden Child as an adult]…knowing right from wrong…CHOOSES to continue to take on the traits of a Golden Child… and that is cruelty..then they’re no longer victims, they’ve made their choice.”

You, Too, Can Smell Like Vladimir Putin

The Russian president’s “warm, woody scent” is now available by the bottle in a swanky department store on Red Square.
Rekunov’s creation, “Leader Number One” eau de toilette, was designed in Belarus, made in France, and approved by Putin himself, according to the perfume’s distributors. The fragrance is on sale in only one place: in the heart of Moscow, on Red Square.

The perfumer said he once recognized his perfume on the street in Moscow. “I was in the underground pedestrian passage and sensed my scent—see, I deliberately made it noticeable and sustainable,” Rekunov told The Daily Beast.

The Narcissist’s Plaything– YOU

“The narcissist loves to sit back and watch you squirm.”

(I’m not enjoying the squirm-watching part of my truth-quest.  I don’t like seeing fear on my dad’s face every day since Father’s Day a couple years ago when I gave him thirty dewy 4-leaf clovers at the same time.)  (OK, maybe I did enjoy that time a little bit…)
“The narcissist literally uses lies and manipulation to watch you… try to prove a negative.  They get immense joy out of this, and satisfaction.”
“Watching you try to prove that YOU’RE SANE, and that THE NARCISSIST IS LYING, gives them great joy.  These are very intelligent [sic!]  and devious individuals.  They will think out their lie way in advance, knowing it will be difficult to disprove, and then sit back and watch the show.”
(Come to think of it, I saw fear on my dad’s face way before the four-leaf-clover deluge [that has continued for several years.]  He looked REALLY SCARED after he had been gaslighting me for a long time… and I kept asking him for help!!! He tried to get me to do crazy things all the time, “Take your shirt off, honey.”  I’ve got to review my journals:  He has been afraid of me for much longer.  I guess he’s not ENTIRELY deluded…  “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”)
[My BROTHER’S dad is]…”like a shark, constantly swimming, never sleeping, and always thinking of ways to cause you conflict and pain.”
2:51 pm
5:08 am
“The Truth will set you free.  But first He’s gonna really piss you off.”
Did Trump pay these ‘alternative’ journalists for their endorsement?  I can’t believe this shit.
I don’t think anybody is going to convince me that there exists some legitimate reason for LAW ENFORCEMENT to distribute kiddy porn.  We are so screwed.
This is surreal.  We’ve got a spy-on-the-lam and he’s a rock-star but he ‘can’t’ come home?  Robots?  It’s so much worse than the Truman Show because the castmembers don’t even get a paycheck!!!  We can’t believe anything at all anymore, unless God says to.  That’s the point we’ve arrived, sorry to say.

‘Can’t arrest a robot’: Snowden’s hi-tech disguise surprises audience at Vegas convention

Diamandis then changed the subject to Snowden’s criminal charges, asking him if he would like to return to the US.

“Absolutely,” Snowden answered, but he isn’t ready, explaining that he lacks confidence that the US will treat him well, as they have only promised so far not to “torture” him.

(And doesn’t his pic look just like Big Brother?  Maybe Snowden’s the anti-BigBrother.  We’re supposed to see some ‘antis’ around pretty soon.)  (What a smug little prick.)

The Lonely Road of the Free Thinker

 Free thinkers are in fact the most threatening kind of people to the established system because they are independent and can actually see outside the rigged paradigm that most in power have unjustly built. They are usually demonized as crazy and dangerous, in the hopes that the gullible public will abandon their support and back the eventual takedown of them.  It is no wonder some of the great free thinkers like Martin Luther king, Mahatma Gandhi, and Jesus Christ are so polarizing at the time, as there is a large public who adores them for their courage and authenticity, yet there is a large majority who are taught to hate them for changing the current paradigm. It should become more obvious why they were all assassinated. The current power structure never wants to lose.
If the world has any hope of transforming into something beautiful, it is the free thinkers that will lead the charge. Free thinking is true self empowerment to the highest degree; deriving your own truth from within without the need for external approval. It’s not to say we don’t need others along the way or there is no form, in fact both are essential, but at the end of the day, one must have dominion and control over one’s own actions and the freedom to roam.
See more here:

“Psychopathy is our number one public health risk.”

“It’s not STD’s, it’s not AIDS.  It’s PEOPLE WITHOUT A CONSCIENCE.”

(She looks kinda like my sister-in-law.  Not as pretty though.)

“Can psychopaths be cured?”

“Genetic psychopaths,  technically no…we’re talking about very impacted neurology...lots of parts of the brain…”

IS your Government Gang Stalking You: Deep LEAK: Google-stalking For Covert NSA Research Funding – WILCOX KILL LIST SATELLITE HUMAN MAP TERRAINING HTS WANTS YOU! BE WARNED!



You know, just yesterday I was talking about the STASI.



EPA Releases Study On Pesticides Killing Bees, Gets Sued Immediately By Beekeepers

Read more at:
At least 231 children who sang in a boys’ choir led for 30 years by the brother of former Pope Benedict XVI were abused over a period of almost four decades, a lawyer investigating reports of wrongdoing said Friday.
Read more here:  

To save $5 million, these officials decided not to renegotiate a contract to get clean drinking water from Detroit, and instead opted to tap into the Flint River.

And some of these officials had been warned by the EPA months earlier that the river was contaminated with dangerous levels of lead.

Now, the residents of Flint are paying for the errors of their leaders. The lead-contaminated water is damaging the city’s water system but, more importantly, it threatens the health of anybody who drinks it. In the end, experts predict that the liability for this mistake will be “immense.”

–See more here:

NOTE TO SELF:  Buy this book when you get your money:
“COMPLEX PTSD:  From Surviving to Thriving”
Pete Walker

How Covert Narcissists Brain Wash Their Victims

“I’m not torturing you…I’m cleansing you and loving you…I’m not the predator…”

Why Can’t I Succeed? Internal Blocks To Success Installed By Emotionally Abusive Family Unit

Complex PTSD from being raised in an abusive family unit.
“Dear God.  You say you are never late.  Please save me before it gets this bad:”
It took her five long weeks to ‘detangle’ the 120 balls of yarn-worth of knotted mess, a time that she looks back on fondly. “I was so happy, I can’t tell you,” she recalled.

Will Mind Control Technology Be Applied to the Oregon Patriots? Confidential Source Says Yes

I work with a consortium of engineers and we have “accidentally” discovered an anomalous band of electronic frequency which is out of the ordinary and the location is near the Burns, Oregon, stand-off event in which a group of ranchers are protesting the taking over of their land by the BLM.
My colleagues have complained that they are no longer in charge of their own experiments and the nature and tone of the experiments is such that we all believe that a widespread application of what you have labeled “mind control” is about to be unleashed on the world, not just the United States. 
 In other words, this is a smoking gun patent for what is often referred to as “voice to skull” technology. This means that the thoughts (i.e. words) in your head may not be your own. This patent clearly demonstrates that the technology has existed to control your thoughts and the technology is over 35 years old.  
2:28 pm

Electromagnetic Stalking Dr John Hall Incredibly Important EDGEAM Interview with Daniel Ott

The technology is used most for sexual assault and corporate espionage.  Groups can can use it for  their own purposes…as long as the data gets sent to the right place.

New wave in tech: hacking the brain

The “mind control” headband unveiled by startup BrainCo effectively hacks into brain signals with a range of possible applications — from helping to improve attention spans, to detecting disease, controlling smart home appliances or even a prosthetic device.

The device “translates your brainwaves into electronic signals,” said the Boston-based firm’s Zenchuan Lei.

See more at:   

4:11 am


4:12 am

Narcissism 101: “Prove Yourself!”

(She realizes that her overwhelming gratitude at being taken seriously is not normal.  I know what that’s like.  I often cry when a person is nice to me.)
“I’m not used to people taking my word for something.   I’m not used to people defending me…
What I’m used to is having to explain myself; having to defend what I know is right.”
“…with a narcissist you’re on trial for the rest of your life…”
“Dear Lord.  It feels like the CPTSD is getting worse.  Nobody believes me in my whole world except the prophet and my friends in WV.  Isaac would like to see me ‘get some help’ for the terrors and he believes entirely that I was abused as a child and suffer residually.  I DO need help:  All I need is somebody to talk to who doesn’t think I’m a liar.  My childhood hasn’t changed…what changed was the introduction of a whole new set of traumatic experiences…and they continue; I was hunted, that’s the fact of gangstalking.  I need to be in a safe place with loving people;  when I’m in bed trying to sleep and I hear a door in the hall I immediately wonder if I have offended somebody with my audio scriptures or if I failed to do something and somebody else is bothered. I have become more sensitive since learning about NARCISSISTIC ABUSE SYNDROME.  But, I’ve also learned to like myself a bit more.  I was NEVER a problem child and a lot of the time I was REALLY COOL.”  
“When I was first learning about gangstalking and electronic torture, I spoke to a woman with a support group for victims.  She said two things that stood out.  First of course, she was shocked that my Dad was involved with my torture.  I assured her I was certain he didn’t know what he was doing…and she cut me off.  She said, “They ALWAYS know.”  She also asked incredulously, “So you don’t have ANYBODY who is with you on this?”  She felt really sorry for me and that was four years ago.  Yet, I’m still here and Lord, it seems like it should get easier.  But, my documentation and commitment have not been valued by anybody and nobody values me.  I lived without ANY human love for several years so I’m very grateful that Josh and Isaac at least care about me now.”
“But, it’s not helpful at all to be discredited all the time.  How can I maintain reality and fight remote electronic torture all alone?  How can I do that when I’m finding it hard to even maintain with you?  I MISS YOU SO MUCH.  I miss the spiritual manifestations and I miss worshiping with people and I miss feeling loved.  It was great to be in WV because as soon as I was around other believers I began immediately to move in your Spirit.  So wonderful.  So wonderful to pray together.  Please, may I work on this project with Christians?  Please could it be soon?  Please, don’t let me go under.  I think I need that ‘Baptism of Love’ I heard about.  You fix abused people with that one, right”?
“If something doesn’t change soon I’ll have to try to leave again; I can’t even breathe, but leaving  seems pointless; and it really is, right?  Until I’m going the place where you want me to be, leaving is just an escape mechanism. (grin).  I want to stop panicking and it seems I can’t do that around people who believe I lie.  But, I suppose you could give all of them the Baptism of Love too and then maybe they’d see me right.  Maybe you have to start with Baptism of the Holy Spirit?  People consider that one weird!  It’s only a baby step!  It’s only PREP for actually living your life!”   
“I feel such condemnation in this house!  My breathing slows just a few miles from here.  I feel, over and over again that I have done something wrong and the fall-out is imminent.  I’m not supposed to panic.**  Also I am supposed to believe that you love me 100 percent, 100 percent of the time.  I can’t imagine what that would be like.  I’m supposed to believe that you don’t love me less when I fail.  I can’t imagine what that would be like.  I’m supposed to believe that you love me just as much even if I do not try, and in fact, you prefer that unless you’ve given me a specific task.  I want to try really bad God!  MY DAD WOULD NEVER LET ME TRY ANYTHING AND MY ‘HUSBANDS’ ASSURED ME THAT HE WAS RIGHT AND I WAS A PROBLEM.  How is it a problem to want to become everything you want me to be?  Why am I THE PROBLEM all the time?  Why can’t I live somewhere that I can be helpful, maybe fun?  I’m a tired plow-horse with visions of the meadow far away.  All my life that sad man convinced me I was worthless, and now that I know I’m not…his tentacles still steal my breath.  Deal with us please.  I sighed when I typed that; I’ve said those words so many times and I was sure in 2013 that you were going to claim me and pass judgment on my behalf.  That conniving selfish man is still stealing my peace.  Please, be God about that?”
“Opportunity.  That’s what Dad denied me, right?  Over and over, and he always denigrated my ideas.  I didn’t ask my dad for nothing,  nothing but a chance.  I was not permitted to have a chance.  Isaac didn’t believe me when I said that Dad hadn’t paid a penny for my education.  Mom paid for an apartment in the Soo in 1980 when I was attending classes.  Nothing.  Never a chance.  He wouldn’t even help me REFINANCE all my student loans!  He just laughed in my face about the attempt I made after it backfired!  A nice dinner at graduation, then out of the picture. Deal with him, God.  Thank you.  And see if you can get him to pay what I owe to his government so they don’t take away my passport.”
“I suspect that since Isaac is so entirely convinced that I was abused as a child and suffer ill effects, everybody else is probably seeing my dad and mom differently, too.  It was a shocker for him to acknowledge any truth in my words, and my child-abuse-neglect wasn’t anywhere near the front burner.  He sees what I have become and he knows trauma was involved.  He sees my parents differently maybe, we haven’t spoken about it.  George is still in love with my dad; he borrowed a plow truck from Dad so he could plow out his cousin’s vacant cabin because she might come here from Seattle some time before Spring.  He and Isaac shoveled our driveway; it took many hours.  Dad plows us sometimes, but never often enough that we can depend on it and not even once so far this year.  “Intermittent reinforcement.”  He deems to keep us all needy and dependent on him.  I recognize much more about his personality now, and I pity him.  But, he’s your business God.  Can’t you just keep him out of mine?  And make him pay his debts?  And tell the Truth?”
“The only ‘help’ I need is more of you.  You will set me free.  Truth will set me free.  I need you to show up!  I need you to be TRUTH in my situation.  I need you to be TRUTH for my sons and also for George.  I need you to show up for my mom and my brother.  I need you to be TRUTH for my nieces and nephews and my grand-niece.  We need TRUTH.  WE NEED YOU.  I can’t do this alone; please, please give these people some TRUTH!  Your body and your blood and there’s always enough!  Please, Jesus.  I am too weak to pass invocation and ritual and all that.  I’m at the end of me.  I can’t.  If you’re done with me, just say so.  Anything’s better than being disbelieved… because that is being unloved.*  Perhaps because I am becoming TRUTH,  I can’t tolerate any more bullshit accusations.  Could you deal with my share?  I love you and miss you.  Please could you give me your seven Spirits so maybe I could keep going.***  Sorry.  With more of you I wouldn’t be dragging-tail, I’d be jumping over walls in perfect precision with my comrades.  Please, have mercy on me and give me more and more of you. L”
“OMJ, (I thought that was cute…you must get so annoyed at us humans…)  did you just give me a revelation after all this time?  Isaac is eager to believe I was abused as a child, only because,  we gotta have a reason for my torment which is described in precise detail by the youtube-healers discussing NARCISSISTIC ABUSE SYNDROME…and the alternative is far worse.  He is unwilling to lose respect for his grandfather who is, TRULY, a murderer in his heart.  Please comfort both of their hearts.  Give them much love for one another…but WAY LOTS MORE LOVE FOR TRUTH.  And it is part of my promised heart’s-desire that both of those extraordinary men will love me too.”
*Love…believeth all things…Love never fails.
(I Corinthians 13:7-8)
**There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.  (Romans 8:1)
***And the spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord  (Isaiah 11:2)
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
(II Timothy 1:7)
7:41 pm

Made to Sleep the Entire Day. Remote Neural Monitoring

Dear, God, could I please be experimented on by the sleep-causing-goons  rather than the sleep-deprivation goons?

John Cullum, where would you go if you could go to any time you wanted?  (He was ‘Holling’ on ‘Northern Exposure’ and that’s about the last time I was interested in a TV show…)  (He played tennis in elementary school.  He musta been rich.)  (Does she have a good buzz or lousy dentures?) (I still think they’re pretty cool.)  (John was a folk-dancer.  So was my favorite professor before law school.)  (I gave her a copy of my book; she does ‘clogging’.)  (Her husband is the US highest expert on vampires.)  (They are friends with Stephen King.)


What is a Targeted Individual

“Such a victim is constantly under attack, and their whole life is sabotaged.”
“It sounds a bit childish…it sounds a bit insane…it’s not rational, but it is real, it’s happening.”
(My daddy is gonna help a lot of people when he exposes the CRAP he’s been involved with.)
6:51 pm
“What is it you expect?  A message from the prophet?

Northern Exposure: Adam’s pessimistic views on nature…brilliant!

7:32 pm

5:10 pm
4:40 pm
I just got back from Marquette; it wasn’t my best trip ever.  My errands were few and easy but I didn’t finish them because every time I looked at people I got woosey.  I couldn’t stand what I was seeing and every person set off an emotion within me.  These weren’t all bad, but I’m kinda fragile still.  I felt the same way about buildings and cars on the way home.  Cars make me have flashbacks that border on paranoia so I rebuke the thoughts in the name of Jesus.  But also, lately I’ve been moved by buildings, especially cabins.  Actually, it’s been kind of weird, and I’ve dreamed of living in chalets and yurts and on houseboats and atop treehousemansions and with people of different colors and I always cook great new food.  In real life lately though, I drive the shore of Lake Superior;  and I’ve memorized details of shacks and bungalos; some of them I’ve noticed many times; but lately I’ve driven slowly so I could look into the windows (most of the places are vacant in January) and wonder what it would be like to spend a night inside.  I imagine staircases and porticos and cubbies and windows-from-the-inside-out.   I wonder what has become of children conceived in decrepit farm-houses; I mourn because the barns are almost gone. Nobody builds a stately wooden barn anymore, but if they did they could easily house hundreds.  I wonder what it would be like to live among a community of people who cared about shelter for others.  My very own family uses that basic necessity as a weapon against their very own.  They treat security as a behavior modification snorkel.  Tit for tat.  
The old barns around here haven’t even been pirated for reusable materials.  Barn-wood is worth a lot of money, to the right people.  Around here it mulches the ground as generations of weeds grow through it.  I’m getting flakier and I’m not the only one who has noticed.  But, flaky sounds better than paranoid.  God said at the beginning of my ‘saga’ that ‘not a hair on my head would be touched.’  He has said, numerous times that I am the SAFEST WOMAN IN MICHIGAN.  He hasn’t talked to me in a long time.  I have to keep remembering what he told me, and how much he loves me.
My mother has texted me a couple times; I believe she would like to believe in me.  She was unkind, but that is her way, and she disliked the language I used earlier and although she had no comment about my remarks, she wanted me to know she was thinking about me.  I reminded her of the vile names she and other ‘educators’ used for their ‘retarded’ students and suggested that my words are somewhat different, against an adult narcissist who has taken my 1) house, 2) relationships and 3) prospects.   She’s coming around.  I don’t believe anybody ever told her before that she had a right to her own feelings.  She can say whatever she wishes to me.  And I’ll return the compliment.  I love her very much and I’m looking forward to the day when her face will not always be scrinch-aimed for approval from a malignant narcissist.  I see her face even now, as it dares to rise toward the light and displays an unusual softness and longing, and a rare coherence.
It will be really fun to get to know my people once we all know we are safe from ridicule and censure.  We’re actually pretty fly.  (That word’s probably wrong.  My sons went for pizza so I can’t ask. What is a really outstanding current word that means really outstanding?  The shitz?  Tell me there’s something better.)  We are extraordinary people who have been denied self-actualization and authentic relationships because our lord-n-master has an ego the size of a steam-roller and he uses it to the smushing of our souls.  He’s done with that.  He can wave that  $1,000 gold certificate around as long as the Viagra-buzz lasts.  Then, he’s gonna have to come home.

9:21 am

9:17 am
My dad is so very stupid that he does really funny things.  Yesterday I pulled into his office driveway as he was putting boxes into his LandRover with part of the logo missing.  I demanded the $120 he (legitimately) owes me for books I wanted to sell in his businesses so I could have some money before Christmas to buy gifts for my sons.  He said…  (“Dear God, please permit Adam to proffer my records of identical statements by my asshole-dad…”… with a straight face just as a GROWN-UP would do…:   “I’m not gonna do that.”  (He sounds like a toddler.  Right?)

8:07 am
What happens when a malignant narcissist begats an anointed child?  How much worse could the terror of first-time parenthood become?  I mean, what if the kid DOESN’T LOOK A THING LIKE YOU?  “Me, myself and Irene.”  Yeah, so the kids are negroid and my ex took off with a black Mensa-member… that DOESN’T MEAN THEY AREN’T MY KIDS.  To a narcissist, “my kids” means they are–MY TOOLS TO MANIPULATE OTHERS,  AND A SOURCE OF NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY.   My mom was a very bright woman.  Even as a child I could recognize that she was smarter than a lot of other adults who told me what to do.  That’s a rough spot,  for a child who wishes to obey, especially when one’s mother is in the darkened living-room feeling up the babysitter whom you also encounter naked on the couch with the father-figure.  Neither my mom nor my dad will recover from their fake lives… if they do not confess what they have been.  I don’t know why my good brain was put into their house,  whose master was a mentally-defective;  but I recognize the legitimate responsibility deposited on me thus.  This is exacerbated by the possibility that I might be the only person they ever encountered in their entire lives…who CHOOSES NOT TO BELIEVE LIES!   Anybody can be smart.  (Hell, I bet even my dad could become smart.)    (‘Smart’ means you don’t believe bullshit.  (Selah.)  ‘Recovered from abuse’ is WAY BETTER than smart.  Recovery means–not only do you not BELIEVE bullshit;  but…the blessed truth is that you don’t even have to ever even listen to bullshit ever again, even.  Selah.)
(“Living well” is not the best revenge; at best it’s only a sort-of-OK revenge.  BECOMING WELL IS the absolute ‘BEST REVENGE.’)  
PS-  SUCK ME, Daddy.
PPS-  “God, dear Jesus, please let me know if that was a sinful thing to say to my lying father;  but even if it was it was Truthful and you are God and if you don’t condemn me THEN NEITHER DOES ANYBODY ELSE.  I love you.  Amen.”
8:28 am
I just can’t stop thinking about Daddy, today!  Another dedication to my father, by the incomparable…Freddie Mercury…

Freddie Mercury – The Great Pretender (Official Video)

“My need is such…I pretend too much…I’m lonely … but noone…can tell…”
(Sigh.  Dad.  Who loves ya, baby?)
(Sigh.  Dad is still being outrageously rotten to me.  Do you suppose he thinks he might outsmart me in some manner?  Sigh again.)

7:41 am
7:34 am
MUSIC BREAK:  This one goes out to Robert d’Rabble-rouser…
“‘…cuz I…’m… gonna make you see.  
There’s nobody else here.  No-0ne like me.  
I’m special!  
(So special.)
I’m gonna have some of your attention…
(give it to me!)”

The Pretenders – Brass In Pocket

(Yeah,  it’s a great title.)

6:20 am
Attempting to establish independent personhood in the wake of PSYCHOPATHIC ABUSE, one cannot EVER stand down.  Abusers lie, and my father abuses EVERYBODY, and he also does that poor-me-bullshit so his victims will pity him.  Even as the tears dry and with apologies still floating on the air…my dad is regrouping and planning his next angle.  He is UTTERLY vindictive and he holds a grudge for…well, so far he can hold a grudge forever.  His influence on our family MUST BE ENTIRELY NEUTRALIZED.  Secular scholars say it is imperative to go entirely no-contact, but as a Christian, I am more optimistic than they, because I know that God can change even the biggest self-serving bastard in the world.  (OH.  Maybe not.  That would be satan.) BUT, satan’s followers were created by God and they’re fair game for redemption…but that is very rare, and until that day, I’d like to see my mom somewhere warm where she can listen to music and maybe share a glass of wine with a person who thinks more than her abusive husband.  After half a century with that selfish faker, she’s gotta be bored out of her mind.
I’ve had lots of visions and dreams about Helmer.  I’ve watched the local church EXPLODE.  (And I’ve seen myself on the grounds trying to warn people it would happen.)  I’ve seen myself driving my family out of the church JUST BEFORE IT EXPLODES, and I’ve seen myself surrender the steering wheel to Jesus.  Time is here, for now.  We’re going to drive out of the disaster and we WILL NOT HIT THE ENORMOUS ROCK IN THE ROAD, a HUGE BOULDER NAMED ROBERT.  My father’s vindictiveness will be exposed and he will suffer tremendously.  His family will be spared a lot of it.  Then his family will become Christians and we will love Dad as much as it takes for him to submit to Jesus who is love.  Otherwise, he’s the sperm-doner from a former world.  When we live in love and acceptance how could we ever even miss him?  We’d wipe our brows and say, “Whew.  Thank you Jesus.  Our dad ALMOST TOOK US ALL TO HELL. Thank you, wonderful Jesus.”
This is the bottom line.  This is the ABSOLUTE bottom line for my abused mother and my abused brother and for sweet Isaac who thinks my dad (and everybody else, actually) means well:  WE CANNOT TOLERATE HIS BEHAVIOR AT ALL.  We MUST demand absolute respect and consideration for EVEN THE WEAKEST AMONG US.  We will not listen to his (classic-narcissist…)  sob-stories and we will look beyond his gifts.  (But we can enjoy them I expect.)  WE WILL HOLD HIM TO THE STANDARD WE WILL ALSO DEMAND FOR OURSELVES. That standard will be absolute Truth, absolute Love, absolute Joy and utter acceptance for every person of good will.  We will NEVER AGAIN believe crap from a serial, non-repentant abuser who pits us against one-another.  A word to the wise:  until I see my father on his knees before Jesus with tears in his eyes…I will not believe a single word from his mouth.  

PIT=  Prophet in Training.
You know what bothers me a bit about the past couple years?  It’s that nagging thought that I have inadvertently assisted my government. 
4:08 pm
(I’m guessing Dad’s bad and Adam’s ugly. )

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Theme

(I knit a poncho kinda like that one.)


4:05 pm

“You’re either gonna WAIT FOR GOD…or you’re gonna promote yourself.”  (Graham Cooke)
(“Sweet Isaac, ‘almost thou persuadest me’ to take the reins.  I’ll wait.  I’ll cook for your dad and I’ll stop bitching.  I want GOD’S ABSOLUTE BEST FOR MYSELF AND YOU.  Thanks, though.  Mom.”)
3:31 pm
(What if God isn’t real?  Or what if He lied to me?  Or what if I believed the PERVERTS AT THE NSA?)
3:20 pm
OK, this has been an extremely terrible day, but also it’s been very interesting.  I am directly opposing two atheists, one is my dad who claims the name of Jesus yet lies and  manipulates like satan himself;  and the other was, when last seen, an apostate Jew with a love for…(hell, I never figured that out…)  Anyway, I have stood for seven years in DIRECT SPIRITUAL OPPOSITION TO BOTH OF THE ‘HE-MAN-WOMAN-HATERS’. (Alfalfa, of the Little Rascals)   I asked the Jew-with-a-cause, a Jew who did not believe in God or in the the Spirit and who also did not plan to ever have any children, why he struggled.  I asked if he perhaps cared about the 1.2 children his (educated) sister might donate to my world.  I asked, “Why do you fight for truth?”  He never gave me an answer.  My father also could not answer,  during the years my pain-filled eyes have demanded to know him:   “Why.  Why, if you believe the Bible and love Jesus…why do you lie?”  Pretty soon I’ll know both answers.  Then I’ll also get a real good life.

1:32 pm
Isaac will close up the house, and find a place for himself and Josh.  George will go live with his mother, and I will be fee.

I wish to die. I wish to die, so I called Adam. Then I sent this message, also to witnesses, because he can help me reveal truth.


Linda Goldthorpe <>

11:29 AM (2 minutes ago)

to Margaret, David, christine.ratt., Eric, Tom, jim, ANDREA, Alfred, a, Kevin, Tom, Tom, Rob, Josiah, Steve, Isaac, Joshua, Congress, George

To Adam–

You set my life to shit 7 years ago.  You don’t wanna talk?  I don’t wanna live because Jesus doesn’t seem real, and alone I don’t feel capable to stand against the lies anymore.  I never thought of suicide until you did what you did to me.  I still do.  Now you know.  Do you value truth?  I love truth more than life.  I thought truth was Jesus.  Before you, that is.
(I didn’t sign off.  He knows who I AM.)

7:15 am

Graham Cooke said that if God’s not giving you money, he must want to give you an idea to make some money.  I don’t have anything left to sell or even pawn.  I have a book, full of pertinent truth and I don’t think it’s boring so maybe I could sell that, but when I tried I wasn’t even paid.  Dad owes me 120 dollars for books.  He also owes me money for crafts I left in his gift shop fifteen years ago.  My family has NEVER upheld its responsibilities to me.   (As far as I know, they pay their debts to others.)
The prophet said that I’m scary to people because many things that I KNOW FULLY WELL TO BE TRUE… are things that most others can’t even imagine.  Isn’t that sad?  What kind of life is that when you bump around in a world full of stuff you can’t see or even consider? Why would it be acceptable to a human mind to wear blinders and just encounter things as they AFFECT the person, without seeking to understand the forces and prepare for those encounters?  Cooke also told a story about a guy who really ticked him off, annoyed him, a very hostile guy, so he prayed about it.  He sad he was ready to shoot the guy in the head and Fed-ex him to Jesus.  No softening, no response, no quickening of the spirit.  As he prayed about Mr. Incorrigible, God asked, “Didn’t I die to take away the sins of the world?  Then who brought them back?”  I do that, don’t I?  (How to avoid it when the abuse doesn’t stop?)
Jesus said, “There’s nothing wrong with that guy…there are just parts missing from his relationship with me.”  I don’t know how that applies to my 7-year stand-off with a father who lies and lies and lies and manipulates people and then lies some more.  I don’t know what could be missing that I might, as Christ’s body on Earth, supply for my dad.  All my decades of ministrations and kindnesses have been met with contempt and more lies.  Maybe Jesus didn’t die enough for Dad.

It’s Official! Pope Francis reveals plans for “One World Religion” (2016)

Narcissism: Getting through Bad Days after Narcissistic Abuse

(She talks about ‘intrusive thoughts’ and waking up with fear, just like I do. “Physiological panic.”   I’d sure like to know what parts of my PTSD are related to which abuse.)
(Having George call me a liar again really set me back.  I can’t do this much longer.)
“We have not come to hear the voice of a mere man.  We have come Lord, baring our hearts, to make ourselves known to you, that you may speak to us.”
(We met Sadhu years ago, and he prayed for us and he spoke to us about Isaac.  We went to see him at a number of the Chinese churches in Toronto.  I even took my former-friend who is now a federal judge and who threw me under the bus.)
8:50 am
“If you live in the San Francisco area, I highly recommend that you listen to this.”
Read more at:

Man stands up at Marco Rubio’s rally in Texas and shouts “Rubio is owned by Jews and Freemasons”

I love it when candidates claim that their election is imperative for freedom or whatever.  I love it when they call their own campaign a ’cause’.

Could we soon ‘speak’ telepathically? Mind-reading computer deciphers words from brainwaves BEFORE they are spoken

  • Technology identifies distinct brainwaves produced for different words
  • Scientists said they can decipher words with up to 90 per cent accuracy
  • It could allow people to communicate in the future without having to talk 
  • Device may even allow people to issue instructions to robots by thought 

(What bullshit!  They have many devices driven by thought, including prostheses.)

Read more:
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

10:39 am
“Many powerful men and women who were in elevated and highly visible positions of leadership politically, spiritually and in the sport and entertainment fields in 2015 were uncovered as frauds and vile abusers during the past year of what appeared to be a virulent year of repeated and embarrassing exposures.”
“The falsifying of your claimed insights from God to manipulate financial support, fame, notoriety and honor for good deeds will no longer be tolerated and will in fact be double-stamped with the seal of “deceiver and thief” if the appeals for connived support are not stopped. God is not behind what you have demanded in His Name.”
“If you cannot accept the terms of what I request, you will be known as a divider, weak, egotistical and immature.

Again, I will not bless your intentions or your ambitions. You rob the Body of authentic Kingdom service by remaining secretive, self-promoting and destructive to My purposes.”
Read more at:
7:15 am
Graham Cooke said that if God’s not giving you money, he must want to give you an idea to make some money.  I don’t have anything left to sell or even pawn.  I have a book, full of pertinent truth and I don’t think it’s boring so maybe I could sell that, but when I tried I wasn’t even paid.  Dad owes me 120 dollars for books.  He also owes me money for crafts I left in his gift shop fifteen years ago.  My family has NEVER upheld its responsibilities to me.   (As far as I know, they pay their debts to others.)
The prophet said that I’m scary to people because many things that I KNOW FULLY WELL TO BE TRUE… are things that most others can’t even imagine.  Isn’t that sad?  What kind of life is that when you bump around in a world full of stuff you can’t see or even consider? Why would it be acceptable to a human mind to wear blinders and just encounter things as they AFFECT the person, without seeking to understand the forces and prepare for those encounters?  Cooke also told a story about a guy who really ticked him off, annoyed him, a very hostile guy, so he prayed about it.  He sad he was ready to shoot the guy in the head and Fed-ex him to Jesus.  No softening, no response, no quickening of the spirit.  As he prayed about Mr. Incorrigible, God asked, “Didn’t I die to take away the sins of the world?  Then who brought them back?”  I do that, don’t I?  (How to avoid it when the abuse doesn’t stop?)  Jesus said, “There’s nothing wrong with that guy…there are just parts missing from his relationship with me.”  I don’t know how that applies to my 7-year stand-off with a father who lies and lies and lies and manipulates people and then lies some more.  I don’t know what could be missing that I might, as Christ’s body on Earth, supply for my dad.  All my decades of ministrations and kindnesses have been met with contempt and more lies.  Maybe Jesus didn’t die enough for Dad.


10:33 am
Update from my TI friend in Belgium;  I wish I could go see her:

Are you OK? (No text)

Linda Goldthorpe 6:30 AM (2 hours ago)


8:11 AM (21 minutes ago)

to me
Dear Linda ,
the proton radiation could be good but some “mistake” happened and so the one tumor gonna
i received new small tumors because the radiation they used not to do for full eye.
I have to receive new operation and new radiation.
My situation is extremely difficult .
I will write more in some days.

6:49 am

Yesterday was the worst day in a long time; panic last night, and vomiting.  I can’t do this anymore.  I can’t be the only person who demands truth; it’s unbearable to need so many things, and I can’t stand for truth sharing a house with a man who discredits my memories and my experiences and even my feelings.   I MUST HAVE TRUTH and I must feel safe and appreciated.  I know that God loves me but I couldn’t feel Him at all yesterday.  I couldn’t summon any hope about any matter.  I’m shaking this morning but I smiled once when I thought about how Connie starts to whine and vibrate when one of my sons’ cars pulls into the driveway.  I have forty dollars until next Thursday.  I should spend it on gas I suppose, so I can at least feel like I’m moving.  My hands are numb a lot of the time; one guy said that’s a symptom all victims of narcissists get.  Isn’t that weird?

Characteristics of Deceitful People

“Deceitful people have a God-complex.  They want to be and think they are the center of the universe; thus they will do whatever they have to, to get what they want.”
(I have no plan of action.  There  is nothing I can see that would make my life a single bit better…except to be away and I can’t accomplish that.  I need a miracle and I’ve needed a miracle since 2009.  I guess it’s a miracle that I’m still here.)

Setting Boundaries after Narcissistic Abuse

“When you are raised by a narcissist, your focus is outward.  You don’t consider the world from your own lens. You approach the world through the lens of the narcissist.”
(Yeah.  Because you’ve got to survive!)
You are trained very early on that your thoughts, your feelings, your beliefs, your body, your personal space…is not allowed.  
We are always trying to intuit, and predict the mood and the next action of the narcissist.  We are rendered incapable of paying any kind of attention to ourselves.
If we begin to love ourself…the narcissist loses power!
“Dear Lord, I see my family so clearly in these videos;  I remember growing up with an angry narcissist… and I feel really sorry for my mom.  I remember if I were sitting in front of the TV I’d always have a basket of laundry in front of my chair…so I could begin folding clothes in case Dad walked in.  He called Isaac yesterday…first thing he said was criticism; right out of the gate he puts us in our place.  He criticized Isaac because he was eating breakfast too late…without caring that Isaac had already taken a walk and meditated and lots of things.  Dad used to tell George I was strange because I got up too early!  He actually believes he gets to write a schedule for each of us!  PLEASE forgive him, and free my mom.  It’s hard to imagine the co-dependent depths she has sunk.  David has squelched himself so much…even though Dad does that narcissist ‘special buddy’ thing with him…his voice has even shrunken and the pitch raised.  I spent most of my life even as an adult, trying to figure out what would please a man who does not respect others,  and that is a real waste.  Please stop that selfish bully.  Please free my family.”
“Turning point in narcissistic abuse recovery:  The moment that I discovered that I was targeted not because of anything that was wrong with me…but because there were so many things right about me.”  (lost the link)
Sure hope I can go to Toronto pretty soon.  There are Swedish people there, and also concerts and museums so Josh would come to visit me a lot.  He is an anthropologist and he loves this band. Aren’t they cool?  (Josh likes techno-swing best I think, and he is also very cool.)

MOVITS! – Fel Del Av Gården (Officiell)

Do you know how many times my parents sent my niece to an expensive language camp?  Many times; George and I even drove to Bemidji to pick her up.  They paid for Isaac to attend once, too.  Now Josh could possibly learn Swedish and it wouldn’t cost anywhere near the price of that international community in Minnesota.  They could just let us sleep at my condo that they have not yet given me…they haven’t even let me in the door for ten years!  I always did the laundry and left things nice when I borrowed it to ATTEND CHURCH SERVICES.
On more recent mega-family visits they would always put my family in a hotel and require that we walk many miles to meet the rest of the ‘fam’ at a restaurant or something.  Nice, huh?  (They don’t invite me on trips anymore since Dad got REALLY PISSED that I wouldn’t go to Finland because I was campaigning and had TAKEN DONATIONS FROM PEOPLE so I really wanted to do my best.  Apparently he couldn’t understand my responsibility and commitment to others.) When the condo is mine, I’ll let him sleep-over any time he wants, Mom and everybody else too.  I’ll even change their sheets and clean the bathroom for them.  That’s the kind of person I am.  When I borrowed money from my mom for my leather couches she said I was the only one of her children to pay her back. Isn’t it ridiculous (and telling…)  that they tried to tell the world that I am defective?  I guess if you’re a fraud it’s threatening to be seen out and about with the real deal.
8:09 am
“We have not come to hear the voice of a mere man.  We have come Lord, baring our hearts, to make ourselves known to you, that you may speak to us.”
(We met Sadhu years ago, and he prayed for us and he spoke to us about Isaac.  We went to see him at a number of the Chinese churches in Toronto.  I even took my former-friend who is now a federal judge and who threw me under the bus.)


3:52 pm
Really shitty day, but I got George’s dinner bubbling on the range:

This message is for Adam. Others, please witness this attempt to obtain my evidence.


Linda Goldthorpe <>

2:45 PM (5 minutes ago)

to Margaret, David, christine.ratt., Eric, Tom, jim, ANDREA, Alfred, a, Kevin, Tom, Tom, Rob, Josiah, Steve, Isaac, Joshua, Congress, George
Dear Sir,

For a long time now I have maintained a website, all the while believing that YOU HAD SOME KIND OF PLAN about addressing theEVIL PLOT PERPETRATED AGAINST US WHEN I was a no-name podunk candidate.  Some things never change but I’m NO LONGER RUNNING FOR ANY PODUNK OFFICE.
Isaac said you gave him some journals.  Of course, I do not know WHICH VOLUMES THEY MIGHT BE FROM THE DOZENS I SENT TO YOU.
Do you still want to change the world?  I know I do, and if I do not do so I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE HERE ANY LONGER.  
What is your address so I may travel somewhere and KICK YOU IN THE SHINS with everything I got.  Or, I will LEARN ABOUT HOW WE JUST CHANGED THE WORLD.  Either way, I gotta talk to you.
Sincerely, Linda Goldthorpe  (Do you even REMEMBER ME?)

Linda Goldthorpe <>

2:49 PM (2 minutes ago)

to Margaret, David, christine.ratt., Eric, Tom, jim, ANDREA, Alfred, a, Kevin, Tom, Tom, Rob, Josiah, Steve, Isaac, Joshua, Congress, George
PS- I returned ALL OF YOUR BOOKS and you’ve had ALL OF MY VERY BEST BOOKS during this past 7 years when I have been TOO POOR TO EVEN BUY A NEWSPAPER.  Maybe you could find it in your heart to RETURN MY PROPERTY????

Or are you Karl Rove now?
3:33 pm
Not a single normal breath today.  I’m going for another ride to pray, and I’ll ask  that George will die.  He’d be happier and so would I.  I’ve tried talking to him, but he won’t do that.  I’ve asked him to leave, but he won’t do that either.  Obviously, learning about NARCISSISTIC ABUSE and what it DID TO HIS FAMILY is out of the question.  Maybe he’ll die; it’s been nearly four years since I filed for divorce and he keeps expecting things to remain the same.  I would die if I could not hope for change.  My dad could fix four lives with a single sentence.  Maybe he should die instead of George but God never said anything about him.  I’d be willing to die instead, but God has plans for me.  If I can just survive.  This is death here already.  When you must live with somebody who used to claim to love you who refuses to believe you or even look at evidence but calls you a liar anyway:  THAT’S HELL ON EARTH.

3:24 pm


Malignant Narcissists and Their Enablers

Could he possibly wake-up?

1:50 pm

Narcissistic abuse Recovery Two Steps Forward One Step Back

“Narcissistic abuse is not something that we as victims can just switch off.  We do get better.  We do move forward.  We do become healthier.  We do realize the traits of the narcissist, and the symptoms they leave behind with us.  But, as you make those progressive moves forward, it’s perfectly normal to have a moment, and take a step backward and just go ‘whew’ in disbelief, and start remembering and maybe playing some of those tapes of what was done to you…and try to figure out why.”
“This is exactly what the narcissist wants…they wanna be inside our head.”
“They want us to CONSTANTLY know that we are worthless.”
“They want us to CONSTANTLY think that we are bad.”
“They want us to CONSTANTLY be in pain.”
“And they ALWAYS want us to know, that THEY DID IT.”

12:36 pm

I think public school is about the best thing to come along for selfish knocked-up women.  Mothers don’t particularly like it.-
12:08 pm
“I was sent off to abusive baby-sitters and left at day-care…by a mother who didn’t have to work, but wanted to get away from her children.” 
[Some of us] “lived the reality of sixties and seventies feminism.”
“Self-righteous, self-absorbed narcissist women who used the movement to neglect their children.”
(I was first raped at seven.  Mom apologized for the first time last month…and I’m fifty-five.)  (But she is a big-ass child-educator in my region.  She won awards and was mentioned in articles…)

Narcissism: Gen X Survivors of Narc Baby Boomer Parents

(She wrote a great poem:  “I’m thinking of four-bedroom houses and luxury sedans…and daycare…versus two-bedroom cottages, used station wagons…and raising our own children.”)

9:57 am

I baked a ham before my sons got up, and also made a big pan of raw-fried potatoes.  It is a great breakfast, and it will be a great dinner for which I will mash some rutabaga and carrots from the garden.  I might put in some thyme.
11:28 am
I feel like I’m going to explode.  I’ve felt that way for a week.  “Please God, do not let me explode. Amen.”

The Devil Beside Me: Gang Stalking, The Secret War and How to Win

I am so tense.  I took a ride to pray but I got too paranoid.  Being hunted stays with a person for a long time.  Deliberate sensitizing of victims to various COMMON stimuli is de rigueur.   White trucks and vans give me a panic still.  I have seen MANY THINGS that others will experience too.  I hope I’m STILL ALIVE TO HELP THEM.

Self Sabotage after Narcissistic Abuse

“After you go no-contact,  and you no longer have the external negative messages coming at you, what you’re going to notice is you still have those negative tapes going in your head…and you tell YOURSELF negative things about yourself.”
“I had to take steps to stop doing that.”
“When we have PTSD, one of the things that is affected is our executive function…handling shit is incredibly difficult.”
“I’m no-contact with my family of origin…obviously no-contact with my ex and his narc-family…it’s just me and my two sons…so I have to be ON…It kinda took ALL I HAD IN ME, just to take care of my day-to-day.”
“Very early in my recovery from PTSD, I was not capable…”
You know what I’ve come to believe?  Survivors of NARCISSISTIC ABUSE are among the finest people I’ve ever listened to. They’re WAY BETTER than preachers.  They WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING to be responsible, but their sense of what that entails has been corrupted.  I love these people.  I AM these people.  I got left in charge of two babies and a house when I was about 7!!! That is ILLEGITIMATE responsibility for a child that age.  I ALWAYS thought I was responsible for everything and if I couldn’t get around to accomplishing everything?  OMG…DADDY’S GONNA HATE ME.  So, he did.  He is so pathetic and I am getting smarter.  I hope I can calm down soon. PTSD is unforgiving but it can’t last forever if I get my thoughts truthful.  Truth says: LINDA IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR LIARS or for the CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR EVIL.  Or for stupid people who believe liars.  It’s been nearly four years since I filed for divorce.  George is still bound to lies.  Four years and he doesn’t know enough to leave or in the alternative, TO ACTUALLY READ SOMETHING.  Maybe he thinks my dad will adopt him?  Unlikely.  Dad’s already got token testicles in the trophy case.  That’s where he stashes David’s.
8:57 am
HEY BAPTISTS!  Check out the ‘church’:

Angels appears in Church during a LIVE Service-Prophet Shepherd Bushiri

8:41 am

Could George also be a narcissist?  I’ve often thought that many of his tendencies and traits were similar; sometimes the descriptions use the exact phrasing that others have used to describe George; for instance:  robot-like behavior.  He DOES NOT FEEL what others feel, I know that for a fact because I slept with him for years, but I always thought his mechanical-ness was just because he was so morally superior.  He doesn’t engage in gaslighting behavior to my knowledge; but also he WILL NOT STAND UP AGAINST IT.  His family was TORN APART and he still doesn’t ‘see it like that.’  Nor does he see any reason to attempt improvements for any one of us.  He buys exercise equipment, and he goes to work.  He watches children’s movies and he saves empty bottles and boxes.  He knows I’m in pain; maybe he thinks I deserve it?  I didn’t break any vows; I just told him the truth about what was going on with me; and in the years since, I have documented the source of our difficulty.  He says, “I still don’t see it that way.”  I dare say, he sees not very much, any way.  George will not examine evidence, will not confront my father, LOST HIS HOUSE to a narcissist, and ‘doesn’t see it that way.’  I married two morons.  I thought only one of them was a narcissist.
I knew he was not smart when I married him.  I knew that he wished for me to be different so I prayed that I would.  I wasted a whole lot of life with a man who can’t even recognize when he’s got an AMAZING WOMAN; and I wasted more of my life believing that I was not an AMAZING WOMAN.  “Please Lord, take him out of my life and allow my sons to experience the opportunities they’ve been intentionally visualizing forever,  yet have been unable to approach… since FOREVER!  Please forgive George.  Forgive me for hating him.  Give my sons and me joy unspeakable and full of glory.  Give George whatever you know is right.  You are God.  You put me with an extremely stupid man.  You know how diligently I served him.  You also know how my father lied about me; and you know that George CHOSE to believe a liar instead of his own devoted wife.  Forgive him.  TAKE HIM AWAY.  Please.  Amen.”

6:50 am
I don’t think I can take the panics much longer.  I know everything happens for a reason and I really don’t want to die. I also don’t think I can live like this much longer.  I also know I am a child of God hoping soon to become a mature son of God and God’s kids don’t have to put up with terror.  I’m seeing maybe the need for a proclamation over myself and my life.  I spoke to George, when he came in this morning and was eating our leftovers.  I told him that the panicking was really taking me down.  I told him that when I first began to study and I recognized my father and his TREATMENT OF ME in the videos teaching about NARCISSISTIC ABUSE SYNDROME, that I was encouraged and laughed.  Every time I watched a video about somebody’s experience with a narc, I’d laugh.  I see clearly that I was abused every second of my childhood.  I had psycho-somatic symptoms as a child, and they developed into full-blown medical disorder when I became an adult.  I recognize that my parents caused those diseases and I recognize that God delivered me from them.  I do not always recognize the intensity of the gratitude I should feel and the exorbitant worship I should offer.  “Thank you Jesus that I do not have arthritis or migraine headaches!  Thank you that I haven’t been ill for years.  Thank you for fixing so many things in my life!”  Thank you that one way or another, you will complete my healing.  You will make it happen with a man here who calls me a liar to this minute…or you will take him out of the way and my healing will be halfway accomplished at that point.  Thank you.  Amen.”
I said, “I need ministry.” I said,  “At first it was helping to recognize the source of my pre-TORTURE pain, but now I’m just having flashbacks and I’m really suffering.  I need some help…”    George said, “I still don’t see it that way.”
I do in fact hate him very much.  I hugged him as I told him of my pain.  He ate my good food and went to bed.  He told me I’ve never been a piece of shit.  Nice compliment, right?  I had his babies and kept his slightly-deficient butt off the street for years.  (Or more likely, just off his mother’s couch.)  I said, “I NEED TO HEAL.  I can’t heal here with a man who thinks I”m a liar.”
He went to bed.  Good riddance.  It’s not his fault.  My FATHER LIED TO HIM so he has no more faith.  And he thinks I’m not worthy of love or attention.  He’s wrong.  I tell myself that over and over.  My cousin (also KICKED OUT OF THE FAMILY) says,  “God doesn’t make any garbage.”
I couldn’t sleep last night,  hardly at all.  SEVEN YEARS.  SEVEN YEARS OF SLEEP DEPRIVATION; I’m a freakin’ miracle.

Narcotics Cop Who Ruined Countless Lives for Weed Possession, Busted with $2 Million in Marijuana

(The article says investigators didn’t know this guy was a cop.  I don’t believe it.)


Gov. Rick Snyder has declared a state of emergency for Genesee County because of health and safety issues caused by lead in the city’s drinking water.

Snyder’s office issued a news release today, Jan. 5, saying the governor has authorized the Michigan State Police to coordinate the state’s efforts as the request for assistance moves to the federal government.

See more at:

Deadly U.S. Hypocrisy Exposed as World’s Biggest Arms Dealer Moves to Limit America’s Access to Guns

Just 5 years ago, the Obama administration secured the largest arms sale in the history of the world when he sold $60 billion in weapons to a country who beheads more people than ISIS, Saudi Arabia.


New Obama rule allows doctors to declare patriots, conservatives and Constitutionalists mentally ill to ban their gun rights without due process

Following the Alinsky–Marx playbooks to the letter, one thing Barack Obama and complicit members of Congress have managed to do during his tenure is create suspicion, distrust and anger between Americans and the various professions they used to trust.
See more at:   

Gods Judgements, Discipline in the Economy Warnings Terry Bennett

“True love, God’s love, is not just letting us get away with everything.”
“I’ve been to hell…I’ve seen people you know of…”
“You can’t have your cake and eat it too:  you can’t not want God and then spend eternity with him.”

How to heal and move on from the Sociopath, Narcissist or Abuser – The most important post I have ever written

If you try to leave before the sociopath is ready to let you go, you could also experience ruining and smear campaigns against you. When the sociopath can no longer control you, they will try to control how other people see you. You might be stunned to learn, that leaving the relationship, rather than protecting losses, incurred further losses as the sociopath starts a campaign against you, while playing victim to whomever will listen.

Escaping from the relationship

There are four ways that you escape from a relationship with a sociopath

  1. They die
  2. They get sent to jail
  3. They find a new source of supply
  4. You escape and hope that they will not hunt you down.
(Or he could be transformed by divine love.)
You can’t get back a house, or financial losses, but you can move elsewhere, or regain your finances.
You might lose friends and family, but really how close were you for this to have happened?
Reputation is a trickier one, and one that ‘might’ always be damaged. But have you ever seen someone famous who looked destroyed, and then they turned their life around? It CAN be done!
“The key to undoing psychological abuse, is to focus on gratitude. I mean REALLY REALLY focus on gratitude.”
Read more at:   

Living in the Twilight Zone

“Those scapegoated by narcissists know what it’s like to live in the twilight zone, a world in which deciphering truth from fiction is a never ending battle of the soul.’
“Narcissistic abuse places the victim in a fantasy world.”
“The more sophisticated and covert abusers in our life have mastered the dark art of leading us to this imaginary world through subtle and elusive means.”
“Though this imaginary world is false; and I know on a cognitive level it is false, these are the residual effects on my soul after having been raised by conscienceless bullies posing as parents.

The World in 2016: THE VIDEO THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO SEE (Watch Now!)

12:32 am

Prophecy for 2016:
Infiltration and hidden alliances will be uncovered from within the government and different organizations. From CEO’s to Presidential candidates with strange bedfellows, all will be uncovered due to their refusal to change. The crossover into 2016 will hold heavy consequences and many who have been warned will see that God is not playing with them. 
Beautiful People: I had a dream where I saw a group of people arising out of the ashes of the pain of the past and they were coming forth as lights. There was such a beauty upon their countenance. I inquired of the Lord and a few days later He said, “I am taking a people who have come out of the ugliness of experiences and bringing them forth as a beautiful people. For those who will come out of drug addiction, alcoholism, mental oppression, and emotional struggles will be made whole and new. They will see things in a new way and in a new light. For their past will be overcome by my love towards them.”
We will see transfers of wealth and finances that have been previously promised and now will be currently manifested in the lives of God’s people.
Read more here:

Dr. Steven Greer about Hoaxed Contacts and Project Blue Beam, July 5th 2015

Dr. Greer shares his information about how not only citizens, the UFO subculture, but also world leaders have been deceived by the ARV’s (alien reproduction vehicles) and PLF’s (programed life forms – cyborgs that look like “aliens”) of the eschatological section of the military industrial complex (MIC).


German police search for 1,000 men after mass sexual assault at German train station (VIDEO)

See more here:
5:57 pm
HE IS THE MOST POSITIVE DESTINY-DRIVEN PERSON I KNOW, but of course he will not investigate my claims that PEOPLE ELECTRONICALLY SAY THOSE THINGS INTO OUR MINDS…because, 1) his grandfather is a LYING PSYCHOPATH, 2) his uncle is a FAKE CHRISTIAN, who KNOWS I SPEAK THE TRUTH ABOUT THIS STUFF, but will not help and 3) his father can’t think any longer.
Somebody should speak up here pretty quick.  So Isaac is walking around OWNING THIS BULLSHIT IN HIS HEAD!!!!


4:30 pm

4:44 pm
I just learned something about myself…I DO hate George.  I hate his laziness.  I hate his unwillingness to learn about his sons.  I hate his desire to have a good body, and I hate that he never noticed mine and that he still talks about that disinterest as though it were a good thing!  I hate his laziness.  I hate his abandoned brain.  He used to think.  I hate him.  I wish he’d die.  If he will not stand up for us and try to help arrange better lives for us then I do very seriously wish he’d die.  God told me in 2007  that George belongs to him.  I’ve apologized to God for my thoughts about George every minute since that day and lots of days before.  I always apologize to God when I mentally castigate George.  Now, I’m screaming OUT LOUD.  If Jesus wants him, Jesus should take him away.  We’ll talk later.  I CAN’T STAND THIS LIFE WITH A MAN WHO DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING BUT HIS BODY WHICH HE USES FOR NOTHING EXCEPT CARRYING AROUND HIS BRAIN.  And his spirit, presumably.  He’s dead already.  He’s dead and gone.  He sent a woman a ring THREE YEARS AGO.  Why is he still here?  Why won’t he leave?  WHY DOES HE NOT CARE ABOUT TRUTH WHEN HE USED TO WORSHIP HIM?  Don’t know.  Psychotronics?  I guess we’ll NEVER KNOW BECAUSE GEORGE DOES NOT CARE TO INVESTIGATE.  I hate him.  I’m grateful for my sons that he gave me.


Let the high praises of God be in their mouth, and a two-edged sword in their hand;

To execute vengeance upon the heathen, and punishments upon the people;

To bind their kings with chains, and their nobles with fetters of iron;

To execute upon them the judgment written: this honour have all his saints. Praise ye the Lord.  (Psalm 149:6-9)



3:26 pm
Cherie Beltram sermon on “PROJECT BLUE BEAM” in the End Times. This week we talk about the “Big Space Show in the Sky” that the illuminati have planned for us. Some of the things discussed in this message are: 3D holograms, laser projection, false rapture, Jesus, buddha, krishna, allah, mohammed, super computers, lord matreya, DEW (directed energy weapons), TI’s (targeted individuals), mind control, electronic wave lengths, satellites, islam, muslim, antichrist, and hypnosis.
Please help me not to want to commit suicide.
“The GOD-MADE-ME-DO-It program.”
“Programming is going on hot and heavy.”

8:32 am
Why in the world do we allow presidential candidates to have ANY INFLUENCE?  What in the WORLD makes them think they may? Stand-down, wannabees!   Cruz issued a call for the militia in Oregon to lay down arms.  Who the heck does he think he is? That was a trick question, the PERTINENT CONUNDRUM IS:  Who the heck does he WANNA BE?  From now until inauguration day, we should not believe the candidates;  EVERY WORD THESE HOPEFULS SAY…is intended to influence our opinion of them, and our behavior at the poll-booth.  And more importantly, as my very first campaign manager told me– may she rest in peace: The first day of your next campaign begins the minute you win an office.  So, unless our benevolent leaders actually voluntarily hand off the baton, like maybe if they’re dying from cancer or something and they want to unburden their compromised ‘souls’…we’re presented showboating, and we can believe nothing that candidates say.  If you don’t believe this, just pay attention.  (If you were accustomed to paying attention you would already know this.)  The system is rigged and we just keep plugging our shekels into the flashy machine.  That’s why we got Miss America ‘running’ this country…and also running up the tab for golfing and vacations for the ‘fam’ and drone-murders of innocents abroad.  Candidates KNOW we’ll pay our debt.  (We Americans now ALWAYS bend over when told to do so.)

Sick care in America: 70,000 ways for doctors to bill the government for your diseases and symptoms

“If you’ve ever doubted the fact that conventional healthcare is an unsustainable financial behemoth, consider the new rules developed for doctors and healthcare practitioners that provision billing schemes for some 70,000 different sicknesses and disease symptoms – practically none of which involve prevention through nutrition or herbal therapies.”

Doctors Will Report You To FBI Under New Gun Control Obama Rule

“What ever happened to common”

(Like the perversion of DOCTOR-AGENTS  is any kinda news…)

Jesus “inhabits the praises of his people.”  When we worship Him, He’s there.  If we worship more, He’s there more.  If we worship (eugenicist) Bill Gates or (warmonger) Bill O’Reilly or (sexual deviant psychopath) Bill Cosby or (…ditto, ditto, ditto…) Bill Clinton…then that’s what we manifest.  Eventually we’ll get the bill.

Remember the times Ron Paul ran for president?  He said truthful things and he was treated like shit.  The entire nation could hear his sigh of relief when he didn’t have to enter the CESSPOOL of the ADMINISTRATIVE BRANCH.

TWO HUNDRED old disks discovered with Roddenberry’s files!!! in CODE !! and they REFUSE to reveal whats on them!!

“It took over three months for the DriveSavers engineering team to develop software that could read the disks. Even though the engineers were able to crack the unusual formatting, reading the nearly 200 disks took the better part of a year to finish.” more here:


New shock claim JFK was ‘murdered by CIA’ days after demanding UFO files and NASA visit

The claim was made after US presidential Democratic candidate Hilary Clinton vowed to get to the bottom of an alleged UFO cover up high within the government.

Scott C Waring, editor of UFO Sightings Daily, posted copies to his website of a letter sent by JFK to the then head of the CIA just 10 days before he was murdered.

Mr Waring added: “JFK wrote the memo to CIA on Nov 12, 1963, then on Nov 22, 1963 he was killed. 

“Hillary will be too scared of the CIA to release such information.”

WATCH: Shocking moment woman confronts Starbucks worker who cloned her credit card and spent her money

“I’m sorry I took money from you…”
“I am a good child…”
(I’m LOVIN’ IT.)
(I’ll see my Dad this way.)

Think you have free will? Not quite as much as you thought say researchers

The point of the game was to see whether the computer, which was monitoring the EEG, could out manoeuvre the human by using the recorded brain waves to predict what move the person was about to make, which the scientists theorised stemmed from the unconscious part of the brain.
2016 Presidential Unreality Show
The theatrics from a presidential campaign cycle is some of the best entertainment that a political junkie can hope for. Imagining that the electoral process has even a remote connection that reflects the will of the people is one of the idiocies that Americans delude themselves with in order to rationalize that the country is ruled under democratic elections.

Intellihub reporter: I just got off the phone with Ryan Bundy and you won’t believe what he just told me!

I just got off the phone with Ryan Bundy who represents the armed group Citizens for Constitutional Freedom currently occupying a federal building at an Oregon wildlife refuge and you won’t believe what he said!

“I am actually pretty disappointed in that but I do understand their decision. It was the Hammond’s decision themselves to turn themselves in,” Ryan Bundy told me.

My personal feelings are—well I had a direct conversation with Dwight Hammond just two days ago and I asked Dwight: is this really what you want? Do you really want to go to prison? Is that what you really feel you want to do?

And well he got angry at me. He said, of course not, of course not. But he said they will put a bullet in my head. He goes they will kill me without hesitation. And he goes, and they will throw me in the back of the truck. And he goes, I will not be the only body there. […] They—meant anyone else supporting them.

See further here:

Dear George,
Please consider this:  if I were LYING or MISTAKEN about my family…wouldn’t somebody have called me a liar instead of spending SEVEN WHOLE YEARS denying that I exist?  What are they afraid of?  Surely not me; you’re STILL BREATHING.  Think about it, won’t you?
10:13 am

7:21 am

Is this amazing or what?  I swear, this was my VERY NEXT KEYSTROKE:
“So if you’ve ever been let down by an earthly father, and if you’re struggling with the provision of your heavenly father, (OMG that’s my cell-phone-number…) you’re learning something about Him, and you’re recovering something about yourself.”
“You’re ALWAYS, in every set of circumstance, there’s always something to discover about God, and there’s always something to learn about yourself, in regard to your own recovery.” 
“If you put life into that context continuously, you’ll always do well.”

NLI Administrator <>

3:15 PM (8 minutes ago)

to me
Joshua is now enrolled in Level I and I have also added a textbook. A confirmation has been sent to his email address. I added that Joshua will bring full payment on Monday.
A general email to all students will be sent tomorrow or Wednesday with all the details for the start of the course.
Have a nice evening and please let me know if I can do anything else!

Linda Goldthorpe <>

3:24 PM (0 minutes ago)

to NLI
Do you cook lutefisk?  I haven’t had any since my grandma passed.  Thanks a lot.
Josh says he doesn’t want to do it.  I asked how hard it would be for him to go for two weeks and then he could quit?  And I could be exposed to non-yoopers and gain tolerance and other city-virtues.
“If you want to walk in the Spirit, it means you’re gonna have to ignore, suppress, or tolerate other parts of your personality.”
“He’s not just taking those parts of you and saying, ‘I crucified that on the cross so just ignore it.  He’s saying ‘I crucified the NEGATIVE elements of that, but I’m actually RAISING UP YOUR PERSONALITY.”
(That’ll be a relief for Isaac.)  (I guess for me too.  I am regularly too loud and harsh.  I am also at-the-same-time trying to abandon self-loathing.  So, I am grateful for any and all indicators of my current position,  and I’ll take no offense,  and I welcome all input.)  (Or rather, I WOULD welcome all input if anybody other than my sons would find it within their hearts to speak to me.)  (Scary is not always a BAD THING.) 

Graham Cooke: The Recovery Of Wholeness

6:04 pm
“The Mandela effect is screwing with us because we don’t know what the rules are anymore.”
(You know what?  If I could quit thinking about all the lies I grew up with and those I encountered in political environments…I could actually listen to things that SERIOUSLY MESS ME UP.)

Flat Earth & Mandela Effect

“Your best friend is a lion.  And you walk in the shadow of someone who is all-powerful, all-knowing, and full of majesty.”  (Graham Cooke)

Govt Insiders Tell Alex Jones: Obama Is A Damn Radical Muslim!


4:52 pm
Wow, I’m really pissed at George and I just figured it out.  He watched my dad abuse me for decades; over and over he  watched Dad attack me. ..and he watched me cry.   George permitted me to believe it was MY FAULT.  I’m learning quick and I’m angry now.  He should leave.  
4:39 pm

Narcissism Second by Second….

To those who have just gone no-contact and those who are planning to do so:  YOU HAD TO SURVIVE!  DO NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT WHAT YOU HAD TO DO!
“You did nothing wrong by wanting out of that situation.”
“I never thought I would smile again.”
“I want you to know there’s light at the end of the tunnel and I’m living breathing proof of that.”
“I’m not so focused, as PTSD does, especially if it’s COMPLEX PTSD…”
“You’ve done nothing wrong by trying to PROTECT yourself, and not wanting to be abused not wanting to be degraded and lied about behind your back…
(I’m going to get well.  It’s happening.  Then I will show others how to do it.)


4:10 pm
Does recovery from ‘Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome’ require a survivor to go lower, before she can come back up?  It seems like two steps forward and one step back.   I kind of figured that once I plugged the right information into the program I’d be consistently improving, but that’s not the case.  I’ve really got to know what it is that forces me into the hyperventilating state when I was fine just a second before.  It cycles.  It doesn’t seem to be any kind of natural response to stimulus;  it rolls, first panic…then heat.  Panic, heat.  Over and over and over.  I understand many reasons why targeted individuals, even politically active whistleblowers and Truth-warriors eventually commit suicide.  It is a VERY terrible way to live, and I don’t even get wounded or raped any more.
 It is TERRIBLE just to have your mood on some unnatural cycle when your native stimuli doesn’t change.  It is terrible to hear voices in your head and it’s terrible that the voices are put there by evil people and that they say evil things. How dreadfully evil this situation is.  How remarkably evil that Christians don’t give a shit.   How imperative it is that they begin to care.  We’re told in the Bible to be established in ‘present Truth’.  Present-Truth ain’t what she used to be; Hillary says we’ve been visited by aliens and if she gets elected she’ll spill the beans.  DID YOU EVER HEAR THAT BEFORE?  A former secretary of state says aliens are real and nobody is laughing at her; the world has changed and we’re learning that lots of crazy-seeming things have been quite real all along.  Those who got their world-view from TV and never paid attention are having a distinctly nervous 2016.  It won’t get better until they quit loving lies.  And it will be difficult, even then.  Lie-lovers aren’t going to enjoy this year but the rest of us will, former lie-lovers especially.
Is George a lie-lover?  Well, he puts very little effort into seeking Truth.  He believes lies, I know that, but I don’t think he tells any. Does he love the lie or does he just love the liar and refuse truth based on that fidelity?  One day he’ll know how smugly Dad manipulates allegiances…and he will apologize to me.  I’ve forgiven him already but I wish he’d wise up or go away.  The rest of us DO want to work on our minds and spirituality.  We don’t want to remain the way we are, and we want to know Truth.  I’m pretty sure.

3:40 pm

Netanyahu Bribes Republican Congressmen to Change Their Iran Votes

In an explosive revelation, wiretaps uncovered by the Wall Street Journal reveal that Benjamin Netanyahu reached out to republican congressmen who had been considering voting in favor of the Iran peace deal, asking what they wanted in return for voting against the deal. In the end, not a single republican voted for the deal, meaning that Netanyahu’s bribes succeeded in swaying the ones who had been on the fence. That means that not only is Netanyahu actively working to undermine the sanctity of the United States government, the republican congressmen involved may have committed treason under the Espionage Act.

See more





12:24 pm

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Linda Goldthorpe <>

Date: Mon, Jan 4, 2016 at 10:20 AM
Subject: Re: Swedish language class beginning 1/11
To: NLI Administrator <>

Thanks a lot.  He doesn’t live in Toronto yet but I am finalizing details on a condo.  For the time-being, we’ll be driving down for class.  (We live in the upper peninsula, very near Sault Ste. Marie.)    He’s 19, and was homeschooled so this will be a new experience for him.  How cool is what you do?  I attended Salolampi in Minnesota years ago.  Such a great experience although I can’t remember too much Finnish.


On Mon, Jan 4, 2016 at 9:57 AM, NLI Administrator <> wrote:

Hi Linda,
Thanks for your email! Your son Joshua is welcome to register for our Swedish Level I course starting on Monday January 11th. Does he live in Toronto? Our courses take place in the OISE building, 252 Bloor St. W., which is the St. George subway stop.
It should be possible for you to register Joshua through our website:
As far as payment is concerned, select Offline payment when completing the registration and Joshua can bring cash on Monday, or a cheque if he has a Canadian bank account.
Please let me know if you are having problems with the registration and I will help you. I will need an address in Canada, though, to do so.
Best regards,
Susanne van Rossem
Director, NLI

the swede life in toronto   For the love of Swedish food, culture and lifestyle in Toronto
11:49 am
I copied this email to the ‘Nordic Language Initiative’ in Toronto, to my parents and my brother and my witnesses.


I’m writing from Michigan; I’d like to register my son for the Swedish course beginning next Monday.  Is that still possible?  I wasn’t able to use the buttons and Facebook sign-in.  Would it be possible for us to pay in cash on the first day of class?
What do we need to know?
My son:
Joshua Miller
2693 CR 377
McMillan, MI  49853   USA
I am: 
Linda Goldthorpe   906-291-1376
Thanks a lot for your help.  I understand there is also a discussion group?  When and how much?   He visited Sweden and has studied on his own but never gets to speak to anybody.
11:28 am
“The future must not belong to those who slander the prophet of Islam.”
(Barry Soetoro a/k/a Barack Hussein Obama)
11:03 am
Pretty stressed.  Maybe today God will change my life.  He hasn’t talked to me for a long time but I know he hasn’t forgotten that I’m suffering and alone.  I know he has Christian people somewhere who will pray with me and help me heal.  Maybe somebody would let me sleep on a couch for a few nights so I could—- build back up to living with a man who calls me a liar?  I’ll do it as long as I must, but just now I’m not very able to take any more criticism and accusation.
“I saw a man conceal his cowardice beneath the mantle of patience, call laziness tolerance, and fear, courtesy.”  (Sounds like David, right?)
“I saw liberty walking alone and knocking on doors to ask for shelter, without anyone listening to those appeals.”
(Kahlil Gibran)
8:52 am
‘My husband doesn’t deserve jail, but he does deserve every bit of the hell he’s going through now even though he is still pretending that this hell doesn’t exist,’ Camille said

Camille Cosby is ‘livid and humiliated’ by Bill’s actions: Wife of comedian ‘doesn’t blame any of the women’ and thinks he ‘deserves every bit of the hell he’s going through’, source claims

  • Comedian Bill Cosby’s wife Camille was notably absent as he arrived to face sexual assault charges in Pennsylvania on Wednesday 
  • His wife of more than 50 years initially stood by him when claims of sexual abuse surfaced but is now reportedly ‘sickened’ 
There’s nothing sadder than an elderly psychopath on the skids.  Of course, there’s also NOTHING MORE JUST.

What exactly is wrong with Bill Cosby’s eye? Disgraced comedian is now referred to as ‘blind’ by his attorney as degenerative keratoconus disease takes hold

  • Bill Cosby is reportedly suffering from keratoconus, a degenerative condition of the cornea
  • The condition causes the cornea to bulge 
  • Keratoconus can cause vision problems like blurring, blurring, ghosting, multiple images, starbursts and glaring
  • Cosby’s attorney recently referred to him as a ’78-year-old blind man’ 
Psalm 35

And my soul shall be joyful in the Lord: it shall rejoice in his salvation.

10 All my bones shall say, Lord, who is like unto thee, which deliverest the poor from him that is too strong for him, yea, the poor and the needy from him that spoileth him?

11 False witnesses did rise up; they laid to my charge things that I knew not.

12 They rewarded me evil for good to the spoiling of my soul.

13 But as for me, when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth: I humbled my soul with fasting; and my prayer returned into mine own bosom.

14 I behaved myself as though he had been my friend or brother: I bowed down heavily, as one that mourneth for his mother.

15 But in mine adversity they rejoiced, and gathered themselves together: yea, the abjects gathered themselves together against me, and I knew it not; they did tear me, and ceased not:

16 With hypocritical mockers in feasts, they gnashed upon me with their teeth.

17 Lord, how long wilt thou look on? rescue my soul from their destructions, my darling from the lions.

18 I will give thee thanks in the great congregation: I will praise thee among much people.

21 Yea, they opened their mouth wide against me, and said, Aha, aha, our eye hath seen it.

22 This thou hast seen, O Lord: keep not silence: O Lord, be not far from me.

23 Stir up thyself, and awake to my judgment, even unto my cause, my God and my Lord.

7:51 am

“Dear Lord, I’m doing poorly.  I’ve been very anxious lately, almost all the time.  I know that’s wrong of me because you are in charge of everything and I belong to you.  Please forgive me and also release me from it?  I thought I was making good progress but the attacks keep coming and coming.  I’d like to know what I’m dealing with.  I’d like to see it gone entirely.”

“This house is so pointless!  I can’t stand waking up with no place to go day after day.  With George’s new shift and Josh’s reduced hours we are all four here, all day, most days.  I wash dishes.  I wash dishes.  Thank you that I can kind of enjoy it now; that took years, didn’t it?  I want more to do.  I NEED something to do to take my mind off the panic and the torture.  I need distraction and to make some difference.  PLEASE provide me and my sons some worthwhile activity and some friends?  Forgive my parents and brother for what they have done to us.  Forgive them for leaving us in this condition for so many years.  Forgive George.  I never lied to him.  I guess you know that and you also know that Dad ALWAYS lies.  Could you give George some discernment?”

“Forgive David.  He is the only man who ever expressed sympathy for what happened to me…and he must have heard it from Dad because he hadn’t heard it from me at that point; he even let me cry for about a minute.  Then he went entirely AWOL when Dad was trying to lock me up again and smearing me.  Then David sent me to Belgium…then he wouldn’t talk to me AGAIN for another year.  FORGIVE HIM and give him courage, Lord, please don’t let him go to hell.  Let him see himself through your eyes… and give him a glimpse of how his golden parents treated his sister who cooked for him and babysat so they could go about earning him millions of dollars and feeding their bloated-starving egos.  Let him see MY LIFE and how VERY DIFFERENT it has been from his, by design of our parents, because I have always been their scapegoat and made his fake happy-family-life possible by deflecting their creepiness.”

“Thank you for enabling me to keep going for these seven years since Dad stole my life.  Please free me, and free your others.  Fill us completely, like your Word says.  Please ‘come quickly in your temple’ and show all the torturers and abusers who’s boss.  Please finish the work you began in me.  Please let my dad see me peaceful and happy. Provoke him to jealousy.  Draw him to you, David too, and my mom and Chris and all the rest of the family and their beloveds’ families and also mine.  Do not allow them to be content with the fake legend of Goldthorpe.  Give them their own stories of healing and joy.  Make us powerful in TRUTH and COMPASSION rather than pitiful status-seekers, backstabbers and gluttons of consumption.  Make us a FIGHTING UNIT for your purpose.”

“Please may I have a friend?  Please may I have somewhere to go and something to do?  Could I have some money?It wouldn’t take very much to give me a few options.  Please will you cause my dad to tell my sons the truth so that my life may restart?  Please give me absolute closure to the torture and the narcissistic abuse.  I’ve been tortured all my life, right?  Please fix me all the way?  Please touch me again; when I feel like this I try so hard to remember that you always come back, and that I always get better.  It feels like my insides are vibrating with fake-fear and nausea. Everything is for a purpose.  Please give me grace.  Forgive me for thinking I’d rather die than live like this.  My life is not my own.  Thank you.  Amen.”

NEED NEW MEMORIES? DARPA is working on “Total Re call”

Bitcoin is being challenged by a perceived difference in fungibility between old and new units.

Bill Nye now the corporate fraud science guy

Now, all has changed on the “teach the children” front, where Bill Nye the “Science Guy” has switched his stance, proclaiming his apparent new GMO love affair, exclaiming that “when you’re in love, you want to tell the world.” Whatever that means.

‘God touched his heart,’ NC pastor says of disarming, praying with gunman in church

Sunday was absolutely a day of celebration at Heal The Land Outreach Ministries – just days after the pastor of the church managed to defuse a situation involving a gunman at the church.

It was a very frightening experience as a 57-year-old man walked in carrying the rifle in one hand, pointed up, and an ammo clip in the other hand.

The pastor and church members say what could have been a horrific tragedy on New Year’s Eve turned into another reason to give thanks.

(I guess God has experience corralling violent men.  He can disarm my dad too.)

“When I told the congregation, its OK, he wants prayer and I began to pray for him, and the power of God hit and he fell to his knees and began to cry and weep and he had his face on the ground,” Pastor Wright said.
(In all the years he dragged me to church I’ve never seen my dad bow a knee to Jesus…but I WILL.  I will see him with his face on the ground before my best friend.  Satan’s gonna do it too.)
(Actually, I’ve never seen David in that posture either although he spends his weekends teaching others about his religion.)

See more:

10:11 pm
Oxymoron:  Wanting to be taken seriously as an actress.
9:45 pm
Dear Dad:
George called me a liar again.  He does that now and then, when he is defending you despite his UNWILLINGNESS to review the records.  He loves you, Daddy.  (He musta caught the bug from me because I always modeled love and consideration for you.)  I used to be your biggest suck-up, but I now know how much you putting me into tears every week or so.  You called me:  “Fat.”  “Stupid.”  “Lazy.”  Etc.  I could quote all of your stock-versions of ‘DENIGRATE LINDA WITH LIES’.  You told me I’d never have an original thought.  (Have I not surprised you in this regard?)  You said I would get so fat that  George would leave me and YOU   would have to “push my wheelchair.”  (Would you EVER HELP ME MOTIVATE?  Not demonstrably.)   (Also, what could I do to make him leave?  Or pay attention?)  You said George would “leave me for some hot babe on the midnight shift in the perimeter security vehicle.”    (I should have stayed fat, but we haven’t slept together for MANY YEARS anyway, so what’s the difference?)  (I guess I’m fat again.  He’s still not going anywhere.)
 An alternative could be,  maybe he could come live at your house?  He BELIEVES you and he TRUSTS you and he BELIEVES YOU LOVE HIM.  Does that mean you win?  (!)   (He does not believe me, and he does not trust me and he doesn’t give a SHIT if I love him or not.  I really do try.)
Or maybe I’ll start sleeping in your driveway.  What are you gonna say to the cops?  I mean, when you reported me again?
 Moron Dad:  “Hey cops.  My daughter is sleeping in her car.”  
Cops:  “Hey  Moron.  Open the door and let her in.”
George THINKS I AM A LIAR…and this is very funny,  because he thinks that… because he BELIEVES YOU!   EVEN your biggest and best suck-ups don’t believe you!  (I am now absolutely sure your consistent lying is known to everybody.)  (Everybody knows you lie, even those you have moulded and manipulated into your source-bowl.)  “Mom.  Did you ever hear Dad lie?”  (yup)
 DAVID…I know you think it’s cute when he does it, but the SOB lies, right?  (yup)  Megan, well I guess you know and so does your mom and so does everybody else in the family.  BUT, Dad pays the bill so everybody still piles into his happy-wagon.  I do not lie.  (Everybody knows that too.)  (George excepted.)  George is not as smart as his sons, but then again, NOBODY ELSE IS EITHER.  My sons are the smartest people in my dad’s family.  They also value honesty.  Their dad will not leave and he keeps calling me a liar.  Things are gonna change, and  I think pretty soon.

9:15 pm

Dear Dad.
You and I  both know what you and I both know.
George still believes you.  Nobody else does, but at least you got one minion.  (OH YEAH, David is your suck-up too.  But we both know he’s not a believer.)
You will NOT BE ABLE to gaslight me again… because you just make me laugh, now.  (Yeah.  That’s gotta be a bummer.)
I WON on the eternal scale, as we both know.  (You don’t HAVE to go to hell, but it’s your choice.)
I also WON on the terrestrial…if by no other means than the fact that I am DECADES YOUNGER THAN YOU and also I…am…not…afraid…to…die…anyway.
I’d prefer that you not die and go to hell, but die you shall and I can’t influence your destiny.
(You can’t influence mine either.  Nice try, bastard.)
“Bob or George.  Which one do I kill first?”

(Scarlet,  from “Minions”)

—-8:39 am

This must be what happened to DAVID:

Narcissism When The Golden Child Turns

“There comes a time in every person’s life where they know right from wrong.”
“Narcissists know right from wrong, but they do the wrong things because that’s where they get their supply from.  There’s a time when the Golden Child also turns into a narcissist.   “The Golden Child’s survival skills turn mutant and they believe they are entitled.”
“There comes a time when they actually see, feel and think that your pain gives them pleasure.”
[When the Golden Child becomes a narcissist]  “he becomes a lethal, empty shell of a human…and all they care about is the money, the recognition, the admiration and unfortunately they get their supply from your pain and your hurt.”

With a Narcissist, You Aren’t Allowed to Feel Special

NARCISSISM – The Inhuman “ALIEN” PSYCHOLOGY OF DEMONS. ‘Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing’

More at:   

Narcissism Their Choice of Scapegoat Perspective

“The narcissist must witness pain in some other human’s face.”
“Get rid of that filth on someone else…feel better about themselves.”
“Before you… as a witness… are able to communicate what is going on they must destroy your credibility with a pre-emptive strike.”
“If you’re vulnerable, if you’re kind and gentle, they must eliminate that…because they can’t experience it.”

3:59 am

Codependency Recovery-How to Stay Out of Your Childhood Negative Programs

1:31 am
“Jesus is a territorial spirit.”   “How can a prophet be a non-profit?”  “Four months meditating.”
There was a time I expected that I could be provocative but I must have lost my touch.    I’ve attempted to provoke a discussion about GANGSTALKING AND REMOTE USE OF PSYCHOTRONIC WEAPONS ON INNOCENT NON-CONSENSUAL SUBJECTS for a really long time and I haven’t been able to stir up even a personal conversation wherein I might cry and unload some burdens and pain; and I certainly have been unable to create any dialogue that might assist anybody else.  Why would God give me all this understanding and allow me to go through such TERRIBLE experiences if he did not mean for me to use what I know to promote Him?  How can I promote Him when He hasn’t even freed me yet?  How can He free me if I refuse to be free?  Is that what I’m doing?  I just really see no options, I’ve tried to move, I’ve taken jobs and then bosses WOULDN’T PAY ME…and I suffer such overwhelming attacks of anxiety and panic;  I’m not afraid to go to sleep anymore but I’m still awakened with shots of panic a lot of times.  I am not free.  How can I sell what I don’t own?  Where do I go to get free from these repeated attacks?  My beliefs cannot be shaken, once they’re established, but  my EMOTIONS are a real different story;  I want to know how much of the suffering is residual electronic torture… and how much is just CPTSD from being raised by narcissists.  I am miserable, frequently, lately.  I have NO REASON for dis–ease but ease escapes me.  I need to enter God’s rest but I don’t even know how to keep the panic from consuming me over and over.
I KNOW God has a plan for me and I know I will become everything He ever wanted.  BUT…I don’t feel like that. My body is even uncomfortable:  I’ve gained probably thirty pounds since I stopped smoking and I’m very clumsy.  My skin is horrible and I can’t use Proactiv anymore because when I do it takes two months for an itchy rash to go away.  My asymetrical haircut probably wasn’t the wisest choice for a woman whose unusual hair regularly stands straight up.  I’m so lonely for a Christian friend.  I pray all the time for new things to think about to replace the worn-out worries.  I need some new sights and sounds.  I’ve been ISOLATED for LOTS OF YEARS.
“If you really want to grow up in all things in Christ, then you have to grow up. You can’t be that anxious person anymore.
The world does not need to be familiar with your anxiety.  They need you to break free; because if you can break free then so can they.”   (Graham Cooke)
Josh went to church last Sunday; it was the first time in lots of years.  His observations are always profound:  the padre announced the names of all the folks in the congregation who are sick and dying…then he took up an offering.  Yeah. They’re SELLING the failure of their religion.  That’s gotta be difficult.  So far,  I’m doing pretty much the same thing.

 Reclaiming Your Inner Territory

Graham Cooke
II Thessalonians 1:6:
…it is a righteous thing with God to recompense tribulation to them that trouble you…

A warrior Bride, who has been tested and refined like fire, is coming forth; and the Lord showed me it will be a massive, young generation being called into the arts and entertainment industry who will be illuminated by the light of the world to expose the confusion and the wisdom of this world.

I see a massive harvest in the lives of screenwriters, producers of film and reality television, inventors of apps and gaming, authors, inventors of social media platforms, and musicians. A massive army is being raised up, causing a cultural renaissance in America and around the globe.

Munday Martin: “Children of Light are Being Awakened!”

“…goodness, light, love, and mercy will ooze out of this new arising company of voices of cultural influence. It will be sweet like honey.”

Illuminati & The Music Industry 2016: Celebrities Expose Hollywood!

satan is always busy
(I can’t wait to find out if my family is really masonic.  I want to know so MANY THINGS!  Soon, they will talk to me.)

When I had seen before the big fish on Jesus’ hook and line, I saw below a river full of big fish. This was the river that my wriggly fish came from. And there were so many fishes there. Guess where the river of fishes was? In the Lodge! Well, I had never thought of that, because I am used to getting people delivered from freemasonry spirits.

But there is going to be a move of the Spirit in the Lodges. The spirit of death is going to have to stand back because God is coming in.

Read more from Kathie Walters here:

Our Vision

 The Gathering Place

A Revival Hub

An Apostolic training Center

Our desire is to see others move more into the arts of worship.  

We have artists move in prophetic painting during the worship service as another form of worship.


We will be facilitating workshops for dance and the arts so that all who are interested can come and develop and express their Spiritual gifts.

See more at:!why_choose_us/cfvg

“The three elements of identity are:  1) perception, 2) mind-set, and 3) language.  God wants you to SEE something about yourself.  And when you SEE it you can BECOME it.”  (Graham Cooke)



5:33 pm
4:52 pm
If you can see through it, it’s not a dress;  that’s what I think.  I can’t even imagine the pressure on those aging women who must appear naked in order to retain public attention.  Jennifer Lopez makes me really sad.  The first time I saw her I happened on a music video (she used to sing, right?) and she was in the ocean and her butt was REALLY big.  That was many years ago, and butts have gotten bigger.
I screamed and screamed on the day I smashed my ex-Chromebook.  I screamed, “I HATE LIVING WITH GEORGE.”  I screamed it over and over and over and over again.  He took to his bed today, when I said (again) that since he WILL NOT STAND UP FOR HIS FAMILY… I wish he’d be gone.  I said, “We’ve been divorced for more than three years and you won’t leave.  You won’t stand up for your family, and you won’t go away.”  (I mean, consider that fact.)  So, he retired to the fancy master bedroom which contains the only bathtub in the house,  and he turned on his TV.  He will NEVER go away!  But, also he won’t participate.  He won’t help, and he won’t abandon ship. ( I do often wish he’d die, now.  I couldn’t bear the thought when I first heard that he would.)  He’d go to Heaven, I know that.  He is NO HELP HERE ON EARTH.  None at all.    He even works for THE PUTRID GOVERNMENT.  I do very much hate living with him.
 I’d prefer that George would get with the program, but failing that he could leave.  Failing that…hey, he should die.  If he would die, I could be a person.  He prohibits my personhood.  I hate living with George.  I do not hate George. When we are both in Heaven and God has INCREASED HIS IQ… then we will understand one another and very probably we will laugh.  Until then, if he sees no VALUE IN GETTING SMART…then he should get gone.   His family must do smart things.  With or without him, we will do smart things.   My sons do not like when I say these things.  I dare say, in days to come they will appreciate that SOMEBODY IN THEIR LIVES CARED ENOUGH TO SPEAK TRUTH.  Their father WILL NOT.  Their grandfather is a lying pervert.  Their uncle will not, because he’s a millionaire… and so his balls are puny.  I WILL speak truth even though some despise me for my honesty.  WHO ELSE DO my sons HAVE who might TELL THEM THE TRUTH??????
“Dear Lord, please do not allow me to ever speak a single word to my sons that is not Truth.”    “Please Lord, show my sons SOMEBODY OF INTEGRITY.  Maybe a man, huh?  The only men I’ve been able to show them are self-serving wimps like my brother or CHARACTER-DEFORMED-NARCISSISTS like my dad.  I gave them a good dad, but he quit caring about Truth.   Lord, I know you have real men somewhere on Earth. Would you please allow my sons to meet one?  Thank you.  And please forgive George for believing my LYING FATHER.  Please enable me to survive the reproach my sons may put upon me for speaking this way about their dad.  Do not ever allow me to bend, when Truth is at stake.  Forgive my sons for TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO PROVE ME A LIAR.  Amen.”

10:56 am

“SILENT TREATMENT:  A passive-aggressive form of communication that conveys contempt, disapproval or displeasure.”

“It is a relationship-killer.”


Narcissistic Mother’s Silent Treatment

9:27 am


UFO entering Interdimensional Portal over Geneva SWITZERLAND – Dec 2015 !!!

“There is nothing a narcissist hates more than being told, “I love you.”
“It provokes the narcissist into uncontrollable rage.”

Ignored Abuse

Why do good people ignore abuse and neglect what might be happening before their eyes?

Narcissist as Leader

“He maintains a tenuous grasp on reality to start with.”

Thinking of reconnecting with a Narcissistic Mother? Don’t give it a second thought. They only become worse, more sick and their methods of hurting or destroying you have become even more sharp as time goes on.

Re-Connecting with a Narcissistic Mother? DON’T DO IT!

+Kasarija I know exactly what you mean. It’s like night and day looking back and seeing my relationship with my oldest who is 18. It’s been like falling down a rabbit hole to finally see it for what it is.  I didn’t realize I had CPTSD until I was at my parents’ home last summer and my nf screamed at my son for something really petty. My heart about pounded out of my chest, I was completely frozen, and came close to passing out. Now, if any other adult talked to my child like that I would of been up and down their business, but with my dad I went from a 47 year old adult to a 10 year terrified little girl. That’s when the research started. I also promised my boys that I would NEVER put them in that situation again.

Reply · 13 

Oh my goodness, that’s horrible that he yelled at your son! 😦 I can imagine how scared and paralyzed you felt when he did that. I will never ever ever let my future kids get in contact with my toxic parents, I want them to have a good and healthy life. They deserve it.

Narcissism CPTSD Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

“PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, is generally the witnessing or the experiencing of a single traumatic event…”
“COMPLEX PTSD is the PROLONGING of those abuses…where there is no obvious or available escape…you are being held to these repeated abuses.”

The Narcissistic Mother assigns roles to each of her children. With only two children it’s easy to see who is the Golden Child and who is the Scapegoat. In this video we go more in detail of the Scapegoat. The luckiest child of the narc.

Understanding growing up with a narcissistic mother explained

 I focus on the “sense of entitlement” of the narcissist to show you how this is not normal and how toxic it is.

The Hated Child of the Narcissistic Parent

“A sense of shame from their upbringing.”

New details have emerged about a sinister program in California to perform state-sanctioned forced sterilization of Hispanic women without their consent over six decades.

A documentary titled No Más Bebés has compiled evidence and stories of women having hysterectomies without consent following a birth, to “control the population” of Latinas in the state. Many women state that they were told that they had received the procedure, but not until after it had been performed.“The doctor walked in and said, ‘we cut your tubes,’ and I said ‘why?’ He goes, ‘well, you signed for it.’ I said, ‘me?,’” a woman in the documentary recounts. “I go, ‘I don’t remember nothing.’ I didn’t tell my family. I didn’t tell anybody.”

4:08 am
Flashback to CHRISTMAS of last year, 2014:
That marketing scam for “The Interview” is genius!  It accomplishes something for all parties concerned!  I am awed by the propaganda machine in Hollywood and Washington!  This is what psychopaths do with their time. They’re the original gamers.  Hypothetical:  What if people like this EVER, just hypothetically, got their hands on equipment whereby they could enact their every (boring) fantasy on strange women they don’t even have to talk to?  What if guys like this could rape people all over the planet, without ever leaving their keyboard?  Pretty cool stuff.  To a psychopath.  HEY, even better.  What if they got a paycheck for their interactive/AI  (with the emphasis on the “A”…) role-playing?  NO, wait, better yet.  LETS MAKE THE RAPE VICTIMS PAY FOR THEIR OWN VIOLATIONS!   We’ll get TAXES to pay for it!  I should write a screenplay.
8:23 am
Psychopathy is me-focused, as we all tend to be.  But psychopathy has gone the way of fear.  To a psychopath, and to the rest of us, things must be good for “me.”   (“Good” being  relative, indefinable, etc.)  But, the psychopath allows his fears to permit him to dictate others lives… for his “good.”  (“Good” being relative, indefinable, etc.)  If anything happens to anybody else, their legitimate responses are not valued by a psychopath. A psychopath views others misfortunes and blessings as opportunity for him.  Isn’t that sad?  My dad texted me:  Merry Christmas.  He still hasn’t invited me to his home.  I suppose he’s thinking about the potential discomfort he would feel if I were there.  I suppose he hasn’t thought, after his years of lying ostracism, how badly a rape victim needs a family.
8:55 am
I’m surprised and pleased to hear so many non-Christian truth-seekers refer to our present enslavement as “satanic.”  Witnesses to other love-based paradigms use my language, if not my literal childishness.  They talk about “negative entities” and recognize that ritual sacrifice of children is so evil it cannot be described within our human syntax.  Human’s have long sacrificed their offspring to Molech, in principle even if blindly.  The first-born goes into the fire so the remaining family will be wealthy.  It’s proverb.  It’s history.  It’s why I’m not invited to Christmas dinner at my dad’s house after I didn’t die in the sacrifice.
10:56 am
Josh is making Swedish pancakes.  He liked the fuzzy sheets and comforter I gave him.  Last week I saw him mending his blanket with a thread and needle, so I was impatient to give him new linens.  Isaac gave him “Dr. Dre” headphones and also loved the Bose ones I got him.  George gave Josh a radio for his car and said he “already talked to Isaac about his present” which will (someday) be new tires.  That’s all the gifts.  George must have sent that Applebee’s gift card to somebody else.  Somebody else might want to wash his dishes and fold his underwear.  He prefers me.  I’m cheap.  I’m also nearly done, I expect.
11:02 am
I want a man.  I want a man to tell my father he’s full of shit.  I want a man to tell George I am the finest wife on the planet and that he doesn’t deserve my services, especially since I’m not his wife.  I want my brother to recognize his riches and my deprivation, and to remember family memories through female eyes.  I want my sister to demand justice for her former friend.  Her friend who served her high-fallutin’ doctors at a Christmas party, last time I saw her at Christmas.  I w\m
12:11 pm
“They BETTER like lava lamps.”  That was Josh wrapping gifts.  He and Isaac chose gifts for people they do not know, because they wish to love those unknown people.  This is a blessing.  I didn’t buy them many gifts, nor did we celebrate many holidays.  They’ve learned just the same, and perhaps because of such deprivation.  I could never ignore any excuse for a holiday, but the holidays had to make sense spiritually.  Christmas never did.  They’ve been short-changed but they’ve been rewarded.  They miss their cousins.
12:21 pm
I’m making pizza crust dough.  If anybody’s hungry later today we’ll make a pizza.  You never know what’s on the menu at my dad’s dinners.  He still never invited me.
12:26 pm
I think George plans to go up to dinner at my dad’s.  Yes, he’s that obtuse.
1:07 pm
I’m keeping a very unflattering dress.  The color is too green for me and it displays all my lumpiness.  I’m pretty pudgy.  Bud, this dress is a sweater dress and I love the way they feel.  I’m going to wear it even if it looks bad.  I’d love to have a full-length cashmere robe.  I’d wear it a lot and somebody else would hand-wash it.  I’m ordering some Land’s end men’s t-shirts, just for me.  I wear them every day but these will be new and they will be white and they will be mine.
2:32 pm
My young friend surprised us, it was nice to see her and she ate Swedish pancakes and watched me make pizza dough and sauce to go with it.  She is responsible for my very first selfie;  she got a nice camera.  I don’t mind if people watch me cook but I don’t like to talk while I’m doing it.  My mind is doing a dozen things at once. George went to my dad’s house;  I don’t know if he doesn’t realize he’s not related to my dad anymore, or if he doesn’t realize that I, who am his only connection with the family, am not related to him either anymore, nor am I welcome in my dad’s home.  It never struck him that my parents did not talk to us for years.  I wish I could see inside George’s head just once.
2:38 pm
Some guys are fishing right in front of the creek again.  I don’t know why they do that; I’ve never caught a fish there and I’ve trolled the entire bay.  In the early spring the water is clear right down to the bottom, and you see no life at all.  You wonder that it could even produce algae, it’s so pristine.  Later you can’t see six inches through the weeds and wonder.  God takes the most barren to produce great fruit.  That’s a major theme in the Bible.  We should expect themes, though not “dispensations”, or “covenants”  to continue into the new world.  Jesus is God.  It’s now his world.  (At least I give him my part of it.)
2:53 pm
Well, they’re partying without me again.  I have dreams, and in my dreams somebody calls me up and says, “Linda, I miss your humor and your honesty.  I miss you.  Please come to the family holiday party.”  My dreams wisp upward and I wait.  I WAIT for one of the imaginary inviters to say, “Linda, I recognize that Dad lied about you.  I’d like to do what’s right but I don’t know what that is.  I’ve always trusted Dad.”  That would make my day.
3:02 pm
I can’t imagine that my dad has much respect for George right this minute. George promised that when he comes back from my father’s house tonight, he will go there yet again, and bear a pizza of ill repute, that I will offer to my father’s household in humble supplication.  What’s he gonna say?  It’s not loving to say yes all the time, and it’s not loving to say no all the time.  I’ve been hanging in the balance.  I’ve always really wanted a man to tell me what to do, no kidding, I can prove it.  I’ve only known men with balls sufficient to fill in the blanks afterward.  No initiative.  Must be all the plastic.
3:34 pm
Now that I know that nobody is going to break rank and invite me to the party…I can relax and make a REALLY GREAT PIZZA.
3:44 pm
I did nothing to be cast off by my family this way except 1) pray too weirdly, and 2) run for Congress.  Where ARE THEIR PRIORITIES?
(You gotta know I’m kind of getting a chuckle out of this now.  I mean, hypocrisy has limits and then  it’s vaudeville.)
3:55 pm
Wow.  Really hard question:  “Would you give your life for him if he didn’t know you did it?”  This question is made more compelling considering the questioner, and the fact that he gave his life for MANY who do not recognize it.  Is my love for another’s absolute best?  Or is my love wishing to be recognized and acknowledged. That is a very hard question.
 I love thinking when he leads me.
4:11 pm
It’s weird to consider that Rod Stewart is a better grandfather than my dad!
4:43 pm
George came back from my dad’s house with four gifts for me.  I put them in a big box and made a sign on clean copier paper with multi-colored sharpie pens:  You have GOT to be kidding.  906-291-1376    3.5 million.  No interest.
4:48 pm
If I had a man, I would talk as I do.  If I knew a man who thought me worthy of speech, I would speak HARD THINGS.  I would not dilly-dally in diversions of democratic discourse.  I could BE somebody if somebody ever thought I could.  I almost am somebody because I almost believe that somebody almost thought I could be.  Ever know somebody who just changed you?  Somebody who made you more confident, even in his absence?   Somebody who makes you just know there are better things than what you’ve seen?  I did.
6:09 pm
I sent a pizza up to my folks’.  It had huge mushrooms and some complimentary items.  It was a GREAT pizza.  I wonder if my family of origin
12:25 am

Poisonous Lie: Flint,  MI– Government Lied About Water Supply Containing Lead

Radioactive materials spreading from St. Louis landfill – report

Dangerous radioactive materials from a nuclear waste dump near St. Louis, Missouri have spread to neighboring areas, a new study shows. Storm water runoff from the site has also raised concerns and is being tested for radioactive pollution.

See more at:
So all they have to say is that the ‘tip’ is more credible than usual, tonight the adjective was ‘concrete’, and we will then take them seriously.  Seriously?  Now we must REALLY get scared, just forget about those other times, we REALLY MEAN IT now.  Get VERY SCARED.  I kind of miss those colored threat-levels on Fox News.  Then we could just gauge our fear without having to listen to the propaganda.
It’s Time We Start Calling ‘Civil Asset Forfeiture’ What It Really Is – ‘Armed Robbery By Police’ 

Nothing is salvageable in our society. It’s all degenerate garbage. We should abolish every system and rebuild it from the ground up. Systemic corruption has reduced our country to the level of a third world gutter.

See more at:

“Imagine a life where you can have relationships that are fun…where communication is clear…where you’ve learned to listen at depth…and so has the person with who you are communicating.”

CoDEPENDENCY REVEALED:   Fallacy 4;   Drama is Normal Because Relationships Are Hard Work

Camille Cosby to speak on the record: Judge rules Bill Cosby’s wife must give deposition in defamation suit brought against him by seven of his alleged victims

  • A Massachusetts judge ruled Thursday that Camille Cosby will have to give a deposition in a defamation suit brought against her husband Bill 
  • She has been fighting the attempts of the seven women who claim they were sexually assaulted by Cosby and filed the suit to have her deposed 
Food for thought:

“The theory of relativity is a mass of error and deceptive ideas violently opposed to the teachings of great men of science of the past and even to common sense.”

“The theory, wraps all these errors and fallacies and clothes them in magnificent mathematical garb which fascinates, dazzles and makes people blind to the underlying errors. The theory is like a beggar clothed in purple whom ignorant people take for a king. Its exponents are very brilliant men, but they are metaphysicists rather than scientists. Not a single one of the relativity propositions has been proved.”

(N. Tesla)

NASA Insider “We Lied About Everything” – The International Space Program Exposed

You know, 2015 was a better year than I was believing; 2015  was the first time in my life that I didn’t think I was actually a moron.
(If you have not red this prophecy, please do.  Please be encouraged.  Please believe.  Please join Jesus and me as we make this world safe for humans.)
“This year promises to be the most exciting and adventuresome one for all who remain “believers”, true believers…
 every step will get easier…”

“This is our year to shine.  So believe Me, and you will see Me moving consistently and powerfully for you, to bring My promise and fulfillment of My Word to all who believe Me.”

January 1, 2016


God’s Word created “time” therefore “time” is subject to His Word – His Word is not subject to “time”! ….”But do not let this one [fact] escape your notice…

It is only perfect obedience in their own lives which can keep My “intercessors” from being “overwhelmed” [to some degree] by the sin of the one(s) they are called to intercede for. ….”Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ [which is the law of Love]”…. Galatians 6:2 NASB
“The closer one positions themselves (sic) to God the more the “old nature” is exposed for what it truly is [which is precisely why only those who truly love God will enter into the secret place of His Presence on a continual basis – as the work of the Cross can be quite intense {unpleasant} at times]. HOWEVER we, as true sons and daughters, have a “new nature” in Christ – and that is precisely why we must continually keep our eyes “fixed” on Jesus [the Word of God], the Author and Developer of our faith throughout the process of our sanctification. It is the Holy Spirit [Who is the Spirit of the Cross] that will do the necessary work in us to prepare us for entrance into our true Kingdom-position and destiny, in Christ – and it is certain that one must come to know the work of the Cross “experientially” [gain a deep revelation of the spiritual reality of the Cross in their own experience] BEFORE they can enter into the place of abiding in “resurrection power” and the “fullness” of authority”  (Emphasis/editor)
I do not like green soup with cream,
It tastes like snot, it makes me scream,
I tried it warm;  it still sucked cold,
I’ll throw it out;  I’m poor but bold.
And Sam-I-Am  don’t know the score,
But some of us were here before.
It won’t show up  before its time;
And I can’t force it with my rhyme.
(Or else I WOULD.)
The Father spoke to me and said: + The first mirror is representative of My Word [Jesus], and the second mirror is representative of “self-focus” – the fruit of which is a continual leaning upon one’s own strength and understanding. Many of My children [due to a lack of diligence] are standing in front of the wrong mirror – and, thus, darkness and confusion becomes the fruit of their “eyes” [focus]. It is of the utmost importance for My children to keep their eyes “fixed” [focused] on My Word
….”Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty [emancipation from bondage, freedom] [Isa. 61:1, 2]. And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [Who is] the Spirit”…. 2 Corinthians 3:17-18 The Amplified Translation
But he who looks carefully into the faultless law, the [law] of liberty, and is faithful to it and perseveres in looking into it, being not a heedless listener who forgets but an active doer [who obeys], he shall be blessed in his doing [his life of obedience]”…. James 2 1:22-25 The Amplified Translation


6:23 pm
Natalie Cole died.
We’re watching videos of the ‘Midnight Special’ in honor of the life of her life.  We were having fun until Rod Stewart came on.
This is my favorite Natalie Cole song,
Rest in Joy:
This will be an Everlasting Love

3:02 pm

I’ve been a little distracted by all this heartache and loneliness so my menu is a little disjointed today.  I made vichysoisse for the first time and I won’t be wasting good leeks again.  Baked beans, Nicki-style but without the expense of ground meat.  I’m making banana cream pie because I got a slew of marked-down bananas and I’m not really into cheesecake;  and a loaf of sourdough bread and George wants taco salad so I’ll get to it.    There is guacamole left-over from yesterday and some shrimp with  commercial cocktail sauce to which I added cayenne pepper and a lot more horseradish.  There are other leftovers, I’m frying fish tonight, so I should pull together some cole slaw too.  I can’t navigate a creamy coleslaw to save my life so I’ll do the turmeric-vinegar-celery-seed-thing again.  George loves it and it’s supposed to be heart-healthy.
2:45 pm
My brilliant non-military son (they’re both brilliant; Josh understands strategy) is gonna pretty-soon-here recognize that I attempted to defend his father until my dad pulled out all the stops.  Yes-er-ee-Bob.  Isaac is gonna figure it out before Josh, because Josh’s brain is moving along a little quicker on this strategy-stuff.  Isaac is gonna say, sometime when I am down’a’wind in the hot-tub, “Hey.  Mom tried to keep this family together.  She had to throw Dad overboard to save the rest of us.  Grandpa KNEW THAT ALL ALONG.  AND, what if, when she heard the voice in her head say, ‘LINDA.  GEORGE IS GONNA DIE…’ ///…I mean, hey.  Do you think that moment might have been her first exposure to VOICE-TO-SKULL?—I mean, ‘what if’?”
 “Dear Lord, please do not make my sons have to REED THE PATENT DOCUMENTS before they get their ducks in a row.  Thank you.  Amen.”  (If those brave men are on my team then I do not need any other organism in the universe.  Selah.)
8:39 am

“Am I really so different, Lord?  Am I really so uncomfortably unusual?  They’re afraid of me; that’s what Isaac said.”  He is so eager to see the family come together that I believe he’d even wish for me to take short-cuts.  He’s gentle and full of love.  I will be gentle when my love has exposed unkind truth.  I CERTAINLY cannot be held responsible for things I experienced at the hands of loved ones!  It’s not my problem we’re talking about.  BUT we are talking.  That’s a first for this family and yes, you’re very welcome.  Gloria even said something sorta deep to Isaac and we’re thanking God.  She was an enormous woman when I was a kid.

Isaac recognizes my diligence and determination but he doesn’t believe my aim to be worth the fall-out, I think.  He loves Jesus more than nearly anybody I ever met, but he doesn’t think the world needs a savior.  He figures we can save ourselves if we close our eyes and click our heels together three times.  I really  hate to think he might settle for the tawdry.  He shouldn’t settle for anything less than God’s absolute best.  When he has looked into Jesus’ eyes he will understand why I MUST hold my family’s feet to the fire.
 He hurt me with his denigration of my faith, and it was intentionally demonstrative.  He wanted me to experience the hurt of being called not-a-Christian.  Well done, Isaac.  It hurt a whole lot;  it hurt so much it made me want to evaluate my relationship with the Christ.  The times call for continual reevaluation;  the mind-control zombies want to eat your blood.  But also it hurt so bad I learned another thing:  now I know that although my family has denied me audience for seven-long-years-of-pain-and-lies…I HAVE nevertheless been attended.
“They’ll know we are Christians by our love.”  (Bible camp song.  Lutheran.)
Let ‘s look for evidence of love:
7 years I have suffered and pleaded for help.
7 years I have been ignored and even publicly maligned.
55 years I have been subjugated and abused.
This history is not indicative of love.  Please do not go to hell onaccountta me.
(2016 will separate the men from the boys.)
I too want a united family, and I work partially toward that goal.
BUT, I will NEVER again participate in an abusive relationship based on lies.
NEVER again.
Happy New Year, to all my beloved fake Christians
(I describe my family thus under concerted advisement.)
I think we should vote on things for awhile, and distribute stuff and opportunities differently.  I think the Goldthorpe Motto will be:   The maximum benefit…for the maximum number of  people …as we are all maximizing.  Somebody else can choose our team colors.
This is the only dirty joke the prophet ever told me in all the years I’ve known him:
A contest; the winner is the guy with the biggest wiener.  Junior runs home to tell his maw about it and she was appalled, “You’re not going to take your wiener out in front of all those people!”
Junior says:  “Of course not.  I’ll just show them enough to win the contest.”
I’m thinking of the funnest moments of 2015.  I loved the time I put kimchee in Josh’s lunch and I loved eating calamari in Boulder with Isaac.  It was the best year of my life, probably.  So far, I mean.
12:22 pm
I had a GREAT surprise…my friend from Belgium called me on the phone!  I can’t imagine how much it cost her but she said she didn’t want me to be lonely because she loves me and so does Jesus.  What a great year this has been so far!


7:05 pm

Destroying my chromebook was a very wise move although at the time it just felt like a temper tantrum.  I’ve learned more about electronics in the past twenty-four hours than I have in a long time.  I am rocking an I-pad and judging from the inconsistencies, the goons have followed me to my new medium.  That is so validating to observe.   I do not yet know how to go back to correct errors so please excuse my baby-steps.  This I-pad thing is like the chalk drawings in Mary Poppins.  I just know if I could get in I could win the derby.   As I experiment with two-fingered touch-screen I hear disco songs in my head.  I really do need help.

Isaac said tonight that we had not been under surveillance and I got really hot.  He ended up dancing and poking his finger at me insinuating that I was being unduly harsh.  He asked if I wanted to use stilettos.  I said,  “If you prefer that to using your brain then that’s your business.”

-Good riddance, 2015

Can you believe that ‘Shake Your Groove Thing’ is a real song?

Isaac asked why I was considering growing weed again if we’re under surveillance, he thinks I’m  lying I guess;I never lied to him ever before.  anyway, his mistrust sets up my point perfectly:   I survived some really scary shit…by exposing everything.  these are the days where the truthful are separated because the liars will be laughed off the stage.

I couldn’t be blackmailed because I said it all myself.